Saturday, May 24, 2008

Mandankunju’s Euro trip!!!!!!!!!

*mallu flavoured post*

*crackling noise from the cockpit*

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Airbus A340 will land shortly at London Heathrow airport.
Passengers are requested to fasten their seat belts...”

Oh, by the way I think those seat belts are actually put in planes to tie down passengers from doing anything ‘pervertious’ to magnetically attractive air hostesses.. How could they possibly invent something like that which is basically a “man restraint” under the pretext of passenger safety!!

Anyways after a few minutes of useless announcements.

THUD” (Pilots way of telling you that they are running the show)

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is the captain of flight BA 767. You have arrived at London Heathrow terminal 2A. The crew wishes you a pleasant stay ahead.”

It was a small step for the rest but a giant leap for Mandankunju, when he resoundingly fell on the aerobridge after the sexy airhostess gave him the strawberry candy.

And with a bunch of friends who tagged along, there was enough ruckus that would have made English hooligans wince in envy.

England is a country which is roughly the size of Tamil Nadu and looks like a piece of bread crumb which was attacked on all four sides by ants. Nevertheless now ever since England has been recolonised along with other countries like for example the United States by immigrant Indians, the sun never sets in the Bharat Empire!!

Well after a rather unimpressive day checking out an odd bridge and a clock tower, Mandankunju visits Madame Tussads. Walking past famous wax models evoked ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaaaahs’ from his friends though MK couldn’t recognize anyone. Alas his ‘wiki’ friends seemed to know every T, D and H...Khrushchev, Queen Elizabeth…Captain Jack…. It was frustrating for Mandankunju to walk past mannequins whom he barely recognized. Until he saw….

” guys…dei…. Check out Adoor Goopalakrishnan….”

“Pulli ithraa famous aanu ennu arinjilla…”(never knew he was so famous)

All excited to find finally someone he knew, the camera is popped to the nearby sahippu…

Sir...Please could you take a snap for me with Adoor Goopalakrishnan

“Excuse me gentleman...but….but he is EINSTEIN”

“Whaaaaaaaaaat…who is that!!”


Insulted he takes the camera back and quips back nonchalantly..

“Oh pinee… if he is a genius or something!!”

Mandankunju came out unable to believe how a reputed museum could make a mistake with an Adoor Goopalakrishnan look alike!! The Brits did not impress him and off he packed bags to Deutschland………

Ich Bin Berliner he says…das Lander of Goethe und Polizei in Mercedez…Deutschland Uber Alles!. Walking down the graffiti laced alley near a Berlin street he noticed several bald people gathered around…maybe some ‘kashandi thallayans* association meeting’. Anyway it stuck him to explore a business opportunity back home...

“Haai…Hitler chetta …ee kashandi maatam...there is a vaidyan in chalakudy...He give you good kashayam...good thaiylam and good hair growth...… hair grow like pea sprouts!!”

Suddenly the prospective clientele surrounded him in the secluded street …What happened after that was graphic in detail. But several days later Mandankunju’s friend wrote in his diary…

Last week Mandankunju met a few Nazi skinheads. He tried to offer them a kashayam from chalakudy aryavaidyashaala…Things didn’t go well after that. He will need an appointment with vaidyan…. Oh btw it would be for an extensive’ pizhichil**”

Though later, M.K told his friend that he would rather have some professional help to over come the trauma he had gone through. And his ever dependable friend acceded to the request and took him to the nearest BAR.

After recovering from “thirummal” by the skinheads he headed towards a more peaceful and cheerful country…Netherlands…Something baffled him though throughout the ride. He admired the sheer audacity of the Dutch to install giant fans in the countryside!
Might be a rich country to afford such huge fans just like that…extravaganza unheard of!!

Van der waart never might have thought windmills could give wrong impressions to some people…After spending time in a country where the national flower is ‘marijuana’ and national pastime is to be ‘stoned’, he decided to see some vintage Europe…

For a change they decided to travel south… ITALY.
.As soon as they landed his friend began explaining the marvelous wonders of Rome…

Da…You know? Rome was not built in a day….”

M.K. turns his head and says..

.”Oh c’mon…BIG DEAL!!…Neither was Etumanooor

His friend dropped the plan of sharing further gyan…They walked past the Vatican museum corridors and were impressed by the Michael Angelo paintings which were quite old as MK noticed specifically … The Swiss guards really confused him and MK was seen asking his friends whether there is any Russian circus going on somewhere nearby.

Nevertheless when in Italy, everyone gotta try Italian food … the pizzas and pastas.

So his friend orders a pizza at the café…

Waiter turns towards M.K…..”Uno Pizza?” (One pizza?)

“Oh...evide oonum kittumo...I ll have oonu*** in that case!!”

After a collective sigh…his friends looked at a caption on the wall...

”All roads lead to Rome...”

And they completed the phrase in unison.

“And for some it still leads to Kerala……….”

*bald headed
** ayurvedic massage
***kerala lunch


Mishmash ! said...

mandankunju-vinte european paryadanam!!! adoor and einstein...samathichirikkunnu....adipoli observation......:D it wd be nice if we can read more on M. K's trip :))

Anonymous said...

If you have been to US you will see that cabin attendants or cabuin crew- lot of them are men and the women a good majority are over 40. This notion of "air hostess" glamour is an Indian concept introduced in the 70s and 80s and perpetuated by Air India and the likes. They are just crew like train crew maybe a bit more educated and maybe presentable(but I really doubt it). But in the US.. since everyone has polished behaviour , its difficult to say who is not and who is educated.

Abhi said...

It was a gr8 start to my sunday reading ur blog. MK's adventure's really made me laugh a lot. But i'm a lil doubtful if MK is Mathew Kutti and not MandanKunju. Anyways a gr8 trip dear MK had. Hope u will giv MK a chance to visit US of A as well. I bet he'd give Mr Bean's vacation a run for its money.

silverine said...

"After spending time in a country where the national flower is ‘marijuana’ and national pastime is to be ‘stoned’"

LOL!!! That was a good one and an apt description too from what I hear!

p.s do skinheads really exists and do they heckle Indians?

Preeti Shenoy said...


It was toooooooooooo funny..Paavam madankunju.
Einsten and Adoor gopalakrishnan had me cracking up completely as did "Oh pinne--as though he is a genius or something'
Hail Kerala!!Look what you have done--I do miss it so much now.

g-man said...

mallu flavored?!? lol! more like non-mallu flavored mallu stuff :D

skinheads and kashayam - fucking awesome! never knew that about the netherlands btw.

“And for some it still leads to Kerala……….” was the icing on the cake. keep blogging!!!!!!

Neena Padayatty said...

“Da…You know? Rome was not built in a day….”

M.K. turns his head and says..

.”Oh c’mon…BIG DEAL!!…Neither was Etumanooor”

Well said,three cheers to Kunju!!:D

mathew said...

I guess you can expect some real trip stories soon..;-P

thanks for the information..This post was just a fun take..and never meant to undermine or as you say overestimate the importance of airhostesses..

hahaha..mine are even more outrageous..;-P

ahh..I have never been heckled here..I would day germans are really nice people..maybe not overtly expressive and cheerful as rest of europe..but they are very honest and frank people..I would trust a german anyday than a brit!!

Although i have heard incidents of heckling in eastern germany, i must say such incidents exist almost everywhere in europe..and at a larger scale in UK..but then all Germans are often portrayed at as "Nazis" which is really unfortunate!

I seriously doubt they are clones!!;-P

thank you..chk wiki about netherlands and coffeeshops!!

aah..Kerala Empire is a match to the Roman empire..however they had a slight edge and thats why we are now called Roman catholics!;-P

srijithunni said...

Rofl..! outright funny as always..!
Bring it on..

Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless!

With Best Regards,

Deepti said...
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Deepti said...

I agree with Kunju, Adoor and Einstein were twin brothers .. Kumbh ke mele me bichad gaye the long long ago... :D and then Adoor came to kerala using Time machine :D
Awesome post :D Many roads lead to kerala on blog world

Unknown said...

Great post man. Reminded me of the tales flung around in office about the onsite folks!

Philip said...

I guess MK couldn't enjoy the sights of Reeperbahn because of the 'thirummal' he got from the skinheads. Or did he?

Naiesha said...

It was a fun!

g-man said...

yea, wiki-ed coffee shops and i have this to say - dude, can i come crash at your place in the hopefully not too distant future? :P

scorpiogenius said...

I protest! I protest!

How could you take Mandankunju roam all over Europe and leave out Ireland??? didn't someone tell him its the coolest and most beautiful place in Europe?

At least he wouldn't have got the treatment he received in your

btw i liked the way u described England...:)

Anonymous said...

“Haai…Hitler chetta …ee kashandi maatam...there is a vaidyan in chalakudy...He give you good kashayam...good thaiylam and good hair growth...… hair grow like pea sprouts!!”


Skinhead treatment farm. MK seems to be quite the enterpreneur. He should have targeted the local audience. Good thaylam that makes hair grow like pea sprouts would fetch a large queue here, possibly with me heading the line.

I'm still years away from having the perfect polished egg look, but I seem to be on a slow but steady path to hair oblivion.

J said...

MK has had quite an adventure! It was hilarious!

Oye Bubbly... said...
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Oye Bubbly... said...

Ha ha ha
Nice post
By the way, was Mandankunju's Euro trip adventure inspired by ur Euro trip ? :)

Caroline Kaunds said...

i may not be a mallu by blood but have grown up in a home where mallu movies rule over kannada ones(my dad n mom love watchin them, and my sis and I have sometimes as kids even accompanied them..).. great post..liked the einstein part..

Seema said...

Waiter turns towards M.K…..”Uno Pizza?” (One pizza?)

“Oh...evide oonum kittumo...I ll have oonu*** in that case!!”

LOL LOL ROTFL. Is MK my long lost Brother?

VIDYA said...

woeeey! Jus got back from a trip to kerala, M. kunjus trip was as exciting as mine i c .

:d :d

”All roads lead to Rome...”

And they completed the phrase in unison.

“And for some it still leads to Kerala……….”

I say----- LOL ROTFL HMHWPALL (hitting my head with pillows and laughing loulder.)

Schaan said...

:D Hilarious one....
Bharat Empire, Adoor Goopalakrishnan, giant fans ....
Had to really try hard to curb my laughing instincts so that my manager, seated right opposite of me, keeps on thinking that I am devoted myself to the monitor completing the assignment which was due last week :).

Macadamia The Nut said...

Cha! I was about to google and check if I was mistaken and that Adoor Goopalakrishnan really alter-resides in Madam Tussads.
Rotfl!! MK needs more thirummals for that ;)
Neat post!

Anonymous said...

Adoor Goopalakrishnan and Einstein...come on! that guy is way chubbier...did this ACTUALLY happen?! :O

Nanditha Prabhu said...

einstien and adoor gopalakrishnan... enteeshwara....what an observation....canwe expect an upcoming mandankunju series....?

mathew said...

@Srijith Unni
thanks man.

@ Deepti
hahaha..that would make a nice bollywood movie..;-P

The first two months of a first time onsite visitor is outright funny..lot of incidents and there are some that are too embarassing not to be shared..

hahaha..Reeperbahn was out of bounds for M.K..He went to disneyland instead..

thank you..

@ g-man zou fancy few years in a german prison..;-P

ah..he didnot want to face the ire
of the Irish!! ;-P

There are more bald people in europe than back home..but most of em are bald to make a statement..

well myself thinking of marketing some thaylam here..maybe under the brand of garnier..;-P


@Oye Bubbly
I have had my own share of mis-adventures..but its more which happened during the intial few days here..;-)

@Caro feels great to hear that..I hope you dont see the newer ones or else you wouldnt write this..


Ahh..that statment makes me crave to go is one year anniversary of my last trip home..:-(

btw thanks for enjoying the post..:-)

Its nice to hear people utlising there time "effectively" in office..

@ Macadamia The Nut
hehehehe..please dont question him..;-P

ofcoz..this is just fictional..

ellaam maaya..:-D

Emaan said...

ha ha ha.. loved it :-)
except for the telugu bit, everything was superbly drafted

Aiswarya said...

"After spending time in a country where the national flower is ‘marijuana’ and national pastime is to be ‘stoned’"

samathuchu sarr!!!apparently quein for a bank teller shudbnt stop ur from this past time!!!

England a breadcrump.. hmm.. no comments!!

Beauty and the BEast said...

I am not from mallu land, but I absolutely enjoyed this Post!! It rocks with witticism and I pictured MK in every bit of Europe as he wondered what all the western fuss was about.. when things seemed to be the best in good ol' Kerala!!

Sree said...

hahahaha hilarious! You have a new fan.Congrats :)

Sreejith Panickar said...

Poor MK! Even I have wondered the resemblance of Adoor with..., eye no no... I haven't.. otherwise MK would be me... :D:D

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

y dont u make a film script out of this?
how we mallus laugh at ourselves!
bharat raj:-) right. empire strikes back!

Anonymous said...

ahaaha.... too good ma man!!!