Friday, June 26, 2009

Mandankunju goes to USA!!

Warning: Long post and lot of malayalam

It has been quite a while since Mandankunju embarked on any of his classic world tours…Apparently the economic recession was affecting even him and leisure travelling was a strict nay-nay... But MK had enough of it and decided to break the self imposed cost cutting crap when he realised airline fares were getting real cheap…real cheap like in one rupee plus taxes…woohooh…It was time to catch the flight again…Godspeed!!

After a year he is a lot more wiser, refined, sophisticated and …………heck!!… you still believe MK would change like that…There are some people whom you can bet on never to change!! MK is definitely one bet you wouldn’t lose..

Mumbai international airport…..around midnight…

The hullabaloo in the airport was kind of disturbing for MK…the unfamiliar language…huge crowds….police ….Fortunately MK was accompanying a group of mallus who were also on the same flight to New York…They huddled together in a group, checking and rechecking their precious luggage….Sunny was quite worried whether the chakka plucked specially for USA would ripen too fast…He wants to salvage atleast the chakkakurus… Mattachen is trying hard to memorize Massachusetts and failing miserably at it. And ofcoz the collective anxiety of whether the flight would serve drinks was ringing like a thousand bagpipers in their ears …

And when the check-in counter opened, there was no guessing who were right in front of the alley. Infact Chacko had to be convinced that he already had a ticket and this was no Anupama theater where he would go through the trauma of taking black tickets.

The guy with the tie at the ‘luggage weighing department’ was in a particularly PJ-ish mood too..

“Name please…”
“Sunny Thomas! “
“And your friend must be?… Overcast Nair I guess...ha ha ha!! “

The airline official hysterically laughed for a few minutes until the jingle played at the airport reminded him how hopelessly outnumbered he was …

‘Will the real slim shady Nair , please stand up…please stand up!! ‘

After profusely apologizing all Nair sahebs in the vicinity, the junta was quickly given clearance and the chakka a fragile cargo upgrade…

A few minutes later the loudspeaker cracked alive…

“Passengers are kindly requested to board the flight LH612 to New York”

That was it…the moment MK has been waiting all along…To spend quality time with Kentucky appappan …To meet his school friends who had the green card when all he had was a humble ration card…To watch his favorite team Chicago Pothu in action …To hear his long time crush Sarah Palinkutty talk about climate change…the list was long..

After a long flight MK reached the huge metropolis where he was greeted by his old friend in school, Dennis. Dennis took him home and they had a great time laughing reminiscing old school tales…esp. on how bad MK was at Math. True to his agrarian outlook on life it was legendary in his village how he bought new insights to trigonometry by proving proving sin@+cos@= kaali@

However Dennis was impressed by his remarkable travel experiences…The next day he took him to landmarks of the most famous city in the world…Wall street…Manhattan…And by dusk they were standing right outside the famous New York philharmonic….

That’s when a guy sporting an odd looking suit came out of the philharmonic and stood near MK…

Eager to start conversation with the first american he met, MK said hello which was politely acknowledged…However eager to continue the talk he couldn’t resist asking him..

MK: ‘hmm…what you doin here?’

American: “I am a conductor”

MK (having lost all respect) :”uh…conductor aaa!!”

Mandankunju was immediately dragged away by Dennis..

Dennis: “Daa...he is the conductor at the NY philharmonia ”

MK: “Philomeniayoo …?”

MK: “ enthayalum conductor alle…paavam!!...vello vadayoo chaayoo medichu kodukaam*”

Now Dennis is furiously trying to pull him away..

MK: “ishe...atleast or 50 cents kodukaam”

Dennis was so desperate to stop further insult on the most famous conductor in the world that he took MK to the place where he was more likely to keep quiet…the restaurant…And they entered the first bistro in the corner.

After having a sumptuous meal at the French Restaurant MK even tipped the petite French waitress generously…

“”Merci ”

“ayyo alla…Mercy kottayamthaa..I am Tony…Tony kattapanna”

Well not surprising after the blunder he made in the Italian restaurant where he replied to poor Antonio who was showing the menu.

Antonio: “Bruschetta?”
MK (with all affection of a younger brother): ”entho chetta??”

Anyways the waitress took a liking to MK and mentioned her desire to visit India someday….and the chivalrous guy he was welcomed her to his home town too...The possibility that a madamma could visit him was so exciting that he even started giving the directions..

MK: ‘Get down at Eratupetta and catch St Antony which will take you to kattapanna’
Waitress: ‘St. Antony :-O ?
MK: “St.Mary’s would take you as well…but its limited stop and you will have to pay 2 rupees extra”
Waitress: “Jesus Christ!!”
MK: “oh……Jesus stopped running that route after a labour dispute”
MK: “Dennis ey.. why did this lady just collapse? I am surprised she knows most buses running in Kattapana!!”

Sensing the danger of keeping MK in NY for long, they start a pan-american tour…Mt. Rushmore….Niagara falls….and finally they reach the west…Surprisingly MK was quite unresponsive seeing the places and never did say “wow!!”. He was promised by Dennis that he would be shown the most stylish addresses around Los Angeles...Dennis was sure that this would impress Mandankunju big-time....

And they reach Long beach one of the most coveted residences in the states.....The huge mansions...and movie star homes would surely impress anyone....But MK wasn’t talking much...

Dennis (gloating): .“so...what do you think....“
MK: “nice..“
Dennis: “Just nice...?“
MK: “hmm...yeah...”
Dennis: ”duh”
MK: “see...Long beach actually means neendakara ...I mean it reminds me of Kollam“
Dennis (cant believe it!!): “oh please...........“
Dennis: “and so it means…“
MK: ”and so?”
Dennis: “and so the place i took you yesterday??”
MK: “Rocky mountains…yeah...that reminded me of Parassala!!“

Legend as is Dennis was so frustrated that he later took MK to the epicenter of the Meteor Crater in grand canyon and ran away as fast as he could …! And MK’s American Dream was cut short by the unplanned ‘pit’ stop.

* lets buy the chap atleast a coffee.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Please do spare some time to watch this amazing movie...and share it with others..

P.S. Its available in high definition format in youtube at and a better experience to watch it there...

P.P.S. Would have been great if it was accessible to our schools...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

30 reasons Why you should not/should get hitched to a bureaucrat!

Way back in 80’s the most coveted bride or groom came from the civil service department of the government of India. Possessing one was an equivalent of having an i-phone in the 1980’s…. It was license to privileged access to siren cars, golf clubs, kennel clubs, cat clubs, underprivileged beauticians club and other such humanitarian clubs…Even though it still has the good old charm there are potential problems which you will have to face in case you are planning to live with one of these as our Kottayam bureau reports...and esp. if he/she is from the foreign services…

1) The relationship would be strictly BILATERAL in nature…well that’s good..!!. ;-D

2) In case of conflicts with your partner you would be expected to come up with CONFIDENCE BUILDING MEASURES.

3) Your partner would not always prefer to talk to you but rather ISSUE A STATEMENT.

4) There is always a chance that you would be submitted to DIPLOMATIC PRESSURES to deliver the goods.

5) There is more chance that your partner would STRONGLY condemn your action for absolutely no reason.

6) It is highly likely that an EMBARGO would be placed in case you do excessive shopping and SANCTIONS in case of offensive behaviour.

7) The chance that he would take you to a PRESS CLUB on a date is very high…really high!

8) You won’t use the words dhobhiwalla, chaiwala, etc….but get used to calling people as home secretary, under secretary, chief secretary…..

9) You wouldn’t travel in any make of car besides the AMBASSADOR in your entire life.

10) You won’t ever find mistakes in your partner because he/she would always DENY THE ALLEGATIONS.

11) If your partner is angry there is a high chance that he/she would go into a DIPLOMATIC OFFENSIVE.

12) The only special friend your partner might have is the SPECIAL ENVOY from Jordan.

13) You would never stay in a hotel. You are likely to live in only two kinds of places…A house or a Guest house.

14) If you are the wife of the bureaucrat you would be invited to give prizes away in most schools in the city…you are just cheap celebrity. If you are husband of the bureaucrat you are not even invited!!

15) Your relationship at best would be described as 'WARM AND CORDIAL'

16) When your partner says “I want this file first thing in the morning!!” He/she means coffee.

17) No decisions would be made without a meeting and an APPROVAL from the boss even if it just meant changing the table cloth at home.

18) You ll never know how it feels like to fly in private airlines…Air India is what would take you up and occasionally down...

19) You ll never have friends by the name Kris, Shiv, John, Vishy….But you ll definitely have friends like Patilsaheb, Nairsaheb, and Subramaniam Iyer…

20) Your not sending the Tiffin for lunch might upset the bureaucrat more than the collapse of a Hydro electric dam...

21) Your bureaucrat is not aware that pen, pencil, paper, cello tape are products available in the open market. There are chances that you might have more than a hundred 2009 diaries delivered to your home before 20th of December 2008.

22) Your birthday gift if you ever get, would most likely be wrapped in RED TAPE.

23) Attending an All India Radio Sangeet Sangam at 6 pm and thereafter dinner at home by 8 pm would be classified as night out.

24) IF you have any regrets, it has to be conveyed THROUGH PROPER CHANNELS.(read mother-in-law)

25) Most gadgets at home would gather dust if you don’t use it since your bureaucrat usually has a strict NO FIRST USE policy.

26) Your partner considers you as a truly global PARTNER.

27) In the matter of family planning LUV WILL TAKE ITS OWN COURSE!

28) In case of family disputes, he/she is most likely follow a STRATEGIC POLICY of NON-ALIGNMENT with any stakeholder.

29) He/She would always take APPROPRIATE ACTION based on your RECOMMENDATIONS.

30) Your honeymoon trip would most likely be ON OFFICIAL DUTY and a reason to further bolster traditional ties.

Taking into account these factors are crucial before entering into a full diplomatic relationship and a happily married treaty. This report was submitted during an informal fun party hosted during the recently concluded Indo-Russian summit. In a later development, the top officials have categorically condemned the official report of the official fun party for having exceeded the limits of funniness an official on official duty is allowed in making fun of non-official matters.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Where are you from?

Some days in your life you meet people with whom you have a conversation and leaves you with a thought…”what heck of a person was that!!”

Recently I met this guy who is a colleague of my roomie and was visiting my home….

"Hi..I am Sivaram.. "

"Hi..I am Mathew "
"Where are you from? "

"Well..I am from Bangalore…but my native is in Chennai.. "

"So your tamil? "

"No….You know my father is from Hyderabad..but we are basically settled in Chennai.."

"So you are from Andhra.. "

"Well…my fore fathers come from Tipu Sultan’s family…My mom’s sisters father in laws great grand father fought for Mysore against the British…. "

"aaah...So you are from Karnataka… "

"Not really..if I have mention about my dad whose uncle’s uncle’s uncle worked for british east India company… "

"Aah..I see you are British.. " (time to get sarcastic)

"Hmm….no basically am from Calcutta…. "

"I should have guessed you have a striking resemblance to Tagore.. "

"Haha…my mom says so…but we were not from proper Calcutta….just near the Orissa border we……" (jesus..he doesnt get it!!)

"I see… "

"Btw..where are you from… ?"

*wicked smile….*
*you think I ll give you a monosyllable answer for that*

"Well…I am from kottayam…BUT baaasiccccally…………"

P.S. Sivaram now has gained remarkable knowledge about the Jews from Syria…