Sunday, November 18, 2007

Jab we Met

You are surrounded Mathew... surrender…I repeat surrender!!”

Flashing sirens…SWAT team armed with laser guns arrive at the scene in BMW six series cars. Helicopters hover over the Hamburg cityscape and warnings are issued in television advising people to stay indoors…

The microphone crackles again…

“Put your arms on your tummy and lie down flat on your head...ayyo…I mean put your arm on your head and lie down flat on the ground.”

The media has gathered in full throttle.flash lights..breaking news..every damn thing.

This is Schmidt from CNN reporting live from Hamburg. In an unprecedented incident an unidentified malayalee is keeping hostage 34 people at the Altona fish market. The assailant is reported to be dangerously unarmed.

“Mister Mathew we understand your demands. Your manager has agreed to your demands…Please release the hostages…I repeat please release the hostages.”

The most wanted criminal is somewhat convinced…

“Okay...Okay…On one condition …I don’t want the same manager to do my appraisal next time too.”

Affirmative…Your manager has also agreed to give a 30% hike in salary as well.”

Few minutes later all the hostages release the captor after he was severely manhandled coz the Chinese toy gun started playing a Christmas carol accidentally on trigger.

*Flashback over…*

Most people assume software engineers to be boring uncreative geeks who don’t have anything remotely entertaining to do in office…But then they probably don’t know anything about the annual ritual called appraisals when these geeks turn into psychics like you saw above…Typically occurring in November it’s a time when employees sit with their bosses in discussion rooms and start bragging about themselves trying to prove why he is the best possible ‘resource’ who walked on earth..

Nowadays I find this ritual as an opportunity to make up the most creative lie ever said…

Manager’s typical appraisal cross-question

“What value addition have you done in the project for the current cycle?”

“I have been the critical resource who saved the project in crunch situations meeting deadlines and providing deliverables to the best of customer satisfaction and delight.”

Manager notes it down in his lappie…”wow...nice one...I think I ll say the same for my appraisal

“Okay….so where do you see yourself 5 years from now...”

“dumbo...what does he think. I ll say Canary”

“I expect myself to grow with the company and reach a position in sync with my profile, add value to the company’s vision and uphold the mission statements to the best of my abilities”

“Mind boggling …What doest that mean”

“It means that coffee is getting cold…Cant you see how hard it was to make up that”

“Okay…what role change do you expect in the current cycle?”

“Personally based on my stupefying skills and path breaking profile. I would see myself to be appointed as the CEO of the company...but I can settle for less just for the time being…I ll go with the post of Senior delivery manager’

“Are you asking that you be made the boss of my boss’s boss!! ..”

“Not a penny less”

By this time the manager is making mental notes about the person sitting across, who is as well making notes of how far he can stretch his boss. As in any boss-employee relation the external adoration is inversely proportional to internal hatred.

Well let’s talk about client satisfaction. How do you rate yourself?”

“See boss…last week I made nice egg pakodas and served em for the clients out there...My client manager was admitted to the intensive care unit and is now in life support systems…But on a positive side it is in line with out company motto ...Living on the edge

Few minutes later I was escorted out of the room…The manager shook my hands and gave me the visiting cards of the best mental care institutes in the country…But it was too late and the inevitable happened as explained in the beginning..

So the next time I am having a appraisal I go with a nicely packed box of apples in one hand and a gun in the other...I ll choose what to give when I come out…I swear!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Bonjour Madame!

Years ago when I was a kid my world went as far as I could bike without tiring out...and when I finally was panting of exhaustion I ll look at the horizon and think about going a mile further ahead the next day…But my childhood travel exploits never went far enough…Places like London, Paris, America sounded as good as say moon for Neil Armstrong when he was a kid…But over the last year I felt like him after seeing places which I wouldn’t dare imagine a decade back..Last week I got the chance to see the city of love… Paris.

As for any average person the name evokes of Eiffel tower the chef-d'oeuvre which was almost torn down coz Parisians of yesteryears thought it was an ugly junk of steel blemishing the Paris skyline. But I thought I ll wait till night to see it in full glory and hitched for the Louvre.

After a visit to Louvre and Vatican museum you can very well assure yourself of having seen the crème of all the master artpieces in the world. The museum is so huge and exhaustive that you would just give a passé over a Rembrandt coz another Da Vinci piece is just around the corner. As expected the biggest crowd was near the Mona Lisa who seemed to smile-and-not-yet-smile at the crowd of wannabe photographers trying to get a shot. I was baffled when I overhead a kid tell her mom that the lady on the wall looks like Maggie aunty. Sigh!! Hope the kiddo didn’t pester her mom to take that painting home to gift her “Maggie aunty”…

Few painting which I loved a lot...

The museum can take days to be appreciated in full glory, but due to limited time we came out in the evening and went straight for the tower.

The tower without any doubt is mesmerizing. You will surely be stumped at first sight and the brilliant golden shine effusing will convince you why the heck people are so crazy about Eiffel tower.

Just across the other side is this beautiful building.

After a tiring first day it was important to get some good sleep for the fun in Disneyland on day 2.

Mickey Mouse ...Donald Duck...Tom n Jerry…Superheroes for almost a decade of my life and probably still. It was like preparing myself to meet them in real.

I sort of loved and hated this place. I loved the rides…the shows…the animation studios…but also hated the commercialization of my favourite cartoon characters...Mickey mouse was all over there right from G-strings to bread toasters. It was disheartening to see such excessive marketing in a place where you are expected to be transported to a fantasyland. But it was more of a reality check if I could make out there were more shops...and restaurants than the actual rides or shows. Nevertheless I had my own share of fun.

Can you believe that the next two shots are as well from Disneyland and not any bird park?

I managed to convince my friend who was accompanying me that there were casualties recently after a freak accident on the roller coaster ride…Well how would I convince him that I was afraid of it when out there were 6-7 something kids who were complaining that the three hundred and fifty six spins weren’t exciting enough..

Though I happened to try out some of the less scary ones. :-P
I couldn’t get into some of the other rides coz they had mentioned outside the gate that for those rides kids should always be accompanied with parents…and it was almost impossible to get in my parents there on time.

But the best place out there was the Walt Disney studios where I almost momentarily fell in love with Donald Duck!!

Later in the day visited Champ Elysee’s which is a magnificent road with the triumph de arc on one end.

I visited several other places as well like Notre Dame…Seine…Sacre between. But I ll skip em to keep the post short.

On the third day took the train to Versailles where Napoleon uncle spend brainstorming with his generals for his next attacks. The boulevards were actually what I found stunning although it was the fag end of fall.

The city of Paris is charming but it moves fast unlike other European cities. I liked the city for the sheer variety of places it offers. The city has as many tourists on a single day as the residents itself. So it wouldn’t be surprising to see a sea of people holding a map seemingly lost and walking together. To sum up the travel I would say Paris is a nice place over the weekend...But I would rather love to live in Florence which is by far my favourite city!

P.S. If anyone is interested in the above can get em at

P.P.S This month I have declared myself to go bankrupt on a traveling spree with a trip to Austria planned in the last week... ;-P

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Vielen Dank!

Today is special on three counts. . First I saw a crocodile flying in air and it gave me high fives before vanishing in thin air...And secondly I got a bundle of three million Euros in the bus which I used for buying a 30 percent stake in Becks…Thirdly I got secretly married to Vidya Balan...Okay no more kidding… ;-P

Today is special coz I finished 2 years in the blog world and this is my 100th post in blogger(lazy me adding up number from other blog as well.. ;-p)…

These two years has shown me an amazing mix of creative...humorous...sarcastic... beautiful...touching...informative and gratifying posts…It has helped me with a 360-degree perspective of many ideas. Many concepts which I previously saw in one dimension now looks more clear in the three dimensional view…I have had a hearty laugh reading many of them...sympathized with many of them…looked in awe at many of them…felt hungry at many of them…and occasionally got angry with some of them…

Looking back I realize that I never did bother to thank the many people who write these amazing blogs...and many people who have spend at least a few minutes of their lives reading this blog...This post is dedicated to all the special people who have come by this blog at some point of time…I also would like to thank a few special people whose blogs as well as their personalities that I admire…Thank you very much for all the lovely posts and comments…


More than a blogger he is an inspiration. And am sure all fellow bloggers would agree with that. His sense of humour is amazing and his posts are beautifully detailed…And not to mention his naughty surprises like Sixela Noel. Maybe having studied in the same college I feel a deep sense of nostalgia whenever I read his posts... I admire his will power and his strength to face adversity head on...I wished he blogged more often...Once in a while I re-read his old posts and still never get tired... Wishing you good luck for your new book.


Her blog is any day my all time favorite. Someone who writes with amazing consistency and each post of her is a gem. Her humor is free flowing and she can make us laugh even with most trivial of topics... She was one of my first visitors and probably I might not have been blogging now but for her first tag… I often wonder how can the same person write both Poomanam and Think Pad. She is a truly gifted writer…And bud if your blogs are being plagiarized and you get ridiculous comments it is just the indication of how terrific your blog is!!…This is a blog that I don’t miss checking out every day.


I think he is the blogger most alike me…Coz when I read some of his entries, it almost feels like he is reading my mind…There seems to amazing synergy the way he thinks and I can easily identify with it. His writings are honest, clean and laced with a no frills approach making them a terrific read...On a lighter note Jiby is as confused as I am with life!! ;-P


Mash chechi is probably the sister I never had. J Got to read her blogs quite late...In the beginning I used to drop by her blog just to get some recipes .It was almost like a quick sprint from the kitchen...“ohh ookk...2 teaspoon of coriander and then”… ”Grate coconut”…
“Hey Sunil..grate coconut..”
“Oye…Being mallu doesn’t mean you have to say Great coconut...stop glorifying!!””
Over a period of time I took time to enjoy her posts and then realized the narrative was as good as the recipes...Her comments are very morale boosting and I identify a family like attachment with her comments. I wouldn’t recommend this blog to anyone else just coz it will leave you starved with the god awesome dishes on display!!


Ex-college mate...Though never knew her back then coz I was the studious rank holder types and I was always in research at the Sallap labs...oops…Machine Labs!!…;-P
For introducing me to the gems in blog world. Poor lady the blogger block in office has stopped her blogging. I found the first three blogs after blog hopping from her blog...She used to drop by my blog when during the initial blogging days out of 100 hits 99 were mine and one was from her!

Almost identify her as a twin of Mishmash. I usually don’t like reading philosophical stuff, although I like to write fundafying stuff...On a serious note her way of expressing complex thoughts through simple stories makes them a great read! The food for thought is expressed in beautiful stories without making the reader feel like listening to a sermon…

I know it is difficult to thank all here considering there are good number of blogger buddies out here like Kusum..Jac...Keshi...Sreejith...NC…Velu...Neers...Venky…Ruchika…Abhi…zee…Di…Regil...Aravind…Vidya…And many more to whom I want to mention my gratitude…

To all bloggers buds danke..


All anonymous commenters and readers for dropping by.

My friends Vishnu, Vinod and Vinu who drop by occasionally…I know these guys are too lazy to comment…but still thanks idiots!! ;-P

My Mom for instilling my love for the English language although sometimes I feel she is being paid by Oxford to find grammatical mistakes...(.Are all English teachers like this?;-P)

Thanks everyone...cheers…
(P.S. am dead tired after the paris to check out all the blogs i missed for last few days..:-))