Friday, August 31, 2007

Tag tharikida Tag!!

It has been long since I had done a tag and this one from Silverine (formerly Princess of Pala and now presiding over the Kingdom of Bangalore) was a nice break…

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

I have a scar on my shoulder, which is almost hard to find now. It happened when I was riding a scooter at a breath taking top speed of 30-km/ hr and rammed behind a pick–up van….

Well this question reminds of me cousin who sports a scar on his cheek after a daredevil attempt to shave when he was a kid!!

2. What does your phone look like?

Surprisingly it looks like a phone!!.. Uh!!

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

An original Van Gogh painting. I got it for a bargain at the flea market.. I am ready to sell it for 50 dollars…any takers..

4. What is your current desktop picture?

A Tom and Jerry cartoon at home. And in office it is a beautiful $None$…coz a plain blue desktop might just give a false indication that the chap is a headshot professional. ;-P

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

I don’t know…But for sure I wouldn’t want my son to tell me one fine day that he is gay and that Dad wrote a few decades back in his blog that he believed in Gay marriage…
Honestly I find it hard to digest…

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Audi TT ...just for visiting the shop to buy a case of beer and some currywurst.

7 . What time were you born?

Ohoohh..I had forgotten to wear my Tissot that day.. ;-P.
But the records say sometime around 9:00 pm.. Dad says he missed the 9 o’clock news.. And Mom says she missed her favourite serial…. But the district of Kottayam dint miss a beat when this kid came to the world with a 10-paisa smile!!!

8. Are your parents still together?

Yoo!!!.. Thank god they donno much about law!! ;-P

9. Last person who made you cry?

Not a person. But some holocaust videos…I was feeling desperate after that..

10. What is your favourite perfume / cologne?

Anything, which doesn’t smell like a mosquito repellent. But in general I don’t like fruity smells.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Pink hair and yellow eyes with a dash of purple… eh..
Until I saw the question I never thought about it.. On instant thoughts I loved the looks of Princess Diana…

12. What are you listening to?

A random song which I found in youtube..Loved the picturisation...

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

When iron maiden sang fear of the dark. I got slightly scared. But otherwise I am dead scared of dark..

14. Do you like painkillers?

Brain seizure…brain seizure.. Brain unable to handle such silly questions..Question skipped..

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Who said that…only did yesterday I go out with Gwen Stefani… ;-P
To be fair to the question …Yes. That is one of my biggest fears that I may not gather enough confidence to ask someone out…

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Oh..well it is 9 degrees today. and that too in middle of summer…And I think some tapioca , fish curry and a hot kattan kaapi is what I want the most now...

17. Who was the last person you made you mad?

A drunkard who was pouring obscenities at a Nun.. This guy did not have the decency to talk properly to someone who was trying to help him.

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

Well it was an incident. I was waiting to catch the metro at the station and I saw a poor guy rummaging the waste bins and vending machines where people might have forgotten to take back the change. I dint want to give alms to him. Coz I felt that might offend him, as he wasn’t exactly begging. So I went to a machine, which was bit further ahead. Bought something and intentionally left the change in the machine..

Three minutes later this poor chap who had seen me using that machine came back with the change and handed it to me. He had apparently thought that I had forgotten the change.

And I am tagging Nags, Mishmash, Sreejith,Srijith, Mayth, Venky ,Still searching and anyone else who wants to take up this tag.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The Salmankhan redemption…

They sentenced me for no wrong I did it. Killing a black buck. I swear, I dint do it. I was aiming at the endangered Asian tiger and that dumb black buck just crossed my aim…Your honor I don’t deserve this sentence. You know??...I am now shooting for the World Wildlife Fund(WWF) sponsored movie...”Bucks that pays” and another one with Sanju bhai “Prison stories

I was taken to the jail from the court in an old Jonga jeep... probably as old as one I used to travel with my bhai friends…Once I come out I’ll donate my Pajero for the Jodhpur DCP...He has promised me good food from home...

Met the prison warden for the first time at the jail reception portico. A thin spooky guy with a torso just as big as my biceps…He showered me into his room and said...

“I believe in two things - discipline and the Bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord. Your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Jodhpur Central jail..”

Nice chap…I told him it was not from any of my movies. But with a quick jerk he bought me down...And I learned the hard way he was not my fan! :-(

I met many guys there. A familiar face in there too…Khalnayak…my beloved Khalnayak too…We hugged each other and sat down to discuss our future projects. But the evil warden pushed us to the granite quarry to break the stones. I was happy about it..I was missing my imported gym equipments and now I could at least work out the crude way..But working in the quarry is not as cool as dancing with the babes in Goa..But neways Sanju bhai gave me a ‘jaadhu ki jhappi’ and then I was fine...

Later in the evening during our evening tea break...I began pondering about Sanju bhai..

He's just institutionalized...The man's been in here fifteen years, Hey
ram, fifteen years. This is all he knows..these walls are funny. First you hate
'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, it gets so you depend on 'em.
That's 'institutionalized'...They send you here for life and that's exactly what
they take, the part that counts anyway.

Nowaday we don’t get to hear any sucks big time out we keep singing our favourite song “Another brick in the wall”..But Sanju gets angry fast coz he doesn’t like the bricks in the prison wall..

While serving onion pakodas for the jail intern I overheard this conversation..

Reviewer: You feel you've been rehabilitated?
Sanju: Oh, yes sir.
Absolutely, sir. Yeah, I've learned my lesson. I can honestly say that I'm a
changed man. I'm no longer a danger to society. That's the God's honest truth

Poor guy how many times they asked him this..

Meanwhile I had a mission of my own. I arranged a friend of mine to get me a poster. When I ask something from Vivek Octroi...He just gives it. No pretension. .I asked for a Katrina poster and the dumber gave me an 'Ash' glamsham poster…grr…

How could I ever doubt his insincerity...

Well no one knew why I asked for the poster which I hung inside my cell..

*5 years later…*

Jodhpur central jail warden Thakur sahib conversing with constable bholaram..

..Lord! It's a miracle! Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind. Nothin'
left but some damn rocks on the window sill and that cupcake on the wall. [He
gestures toward the poster of Aishwarya Rai hanging on the cell wall.] Let's ask
her. Maybe she knows. What say there, fussy-britches. Feel like talkin'? Oh,
guess not. Why should she be any different? This is a conspiracy. That's what
this is. It's one big damn conspiracy. And everyone's in on it. Including

Later taken from Sanju’s prison diary..

Salman crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness I can't even imagine. Or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yards. That's the length of five Amitabh Bachchan’s, just shy of half a mile..

P.S Any hate mail from ladies for de-glorifying Khan Uncle will go to junk mail!! ;-P

P.P.S..Onam greetings to all…I got invited by a malayalee family out I too have my share of Onam sadhya..woohooh!!!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Jokes apart..

I often used to count myself unlucky for a variety of reasons…Am sure all of us had at some point thought that things happened pretty unfair for you...Maybe the bad appraisal you had...Maybe the crooked nose or balding hairline you have…Maybe a incompatible husband or wife…Our prejudices of how much life has been fair to us is decided on such mundane to relevant reasons.

How many times have we appreciated how lucky we are? I mean even being able to have three square meals everyday makes us a lot luckier than the poor man who has to rummage the garbage bins daily to fight his hunger pangs. How being half deaf is not a big deal when someone is there who cant see or hear anything at all…How you had parents who made sure you never went hungry ever when there were orphans who never got a chance to call someone Daddy or Mommy. It sounds cliché to say this .It is our nature never to appreciate how lucky we are…

There is so much misery in this world and I sometimes wonder when it all turns into a big catastrophy...Holocaust was long over 62 years back. But aren’t mini-holocausts happening every day around us. The west hates the Arabs...The upper castes hate the scheduled castes...the nationalist hate the commies…Indians hate the Pakistanis. The Americans hate the outsourced Indians...The world seems to running on hate.. Gandhi..Mother Teresa...They came...They tried. But we put their snaps on the walls and said...”You talk rock…but c’mon you must be doesn’t work that way”..

Our little life is juxtapositioned in this big hate vessel trying to gasp for the little joys which makes us happy. We don’t even manage that most of the time. The happiness that we seek in our own little ways. Listening to Mozart...Falling in love...Being loved...All is another jigsaw puzzle in the big scheme of things…

At times we miss that all these puzzles are what makes our life worthwhile. We miss the pieces sometimes and get frustrated. Sometimes everything falls in place and we are ecstatic...But then the point is finishing that puzzle coz that looks beautiful in the end…

Life is a like a Giant Ferris wheel. At times you are on the top and you feel like having conquered the world. Things look beautiful up there..The sky is vibrant blue..The wind is caressing your face. And you are on Cloud nine…But not long before you come down...The low ebbs in life happen…. There is pain...obstacles and chaos… But then it is like that wheel ...Hold strong when the wheel goes down. It is worth the exhilaration of going up again…

Sunday, August 19, 2007

life made simpler...

Son: Okay...Now you go to 'Home'.

Mom: trying this thing from home.. I ll do it only if we can do it from here…don’t think of me going anywhere else for this. Uh..

Son:Okay..Okay..You have misunderstood me…. Navigate somewhere towards left and move straight up…

*After 5 minutes*

Mom: Yeah...But I don’t really get the point…I moved left and straight up and I have reached the kitchen...And I can’t see the computer from that far.

Son: Uh…oops…Okay…I ll make it simpler...Navigate using the mouse towards left and then straight up to the Home icon on the screen and click it.

Mom: * Click*…. Mone... Something seems to be wrong here…

Son: Has it hanged?? Or did it crash… :-O

Mom: No.. No..I swear I didn’t doing anything like that..You know I would never do anything like that.

Son:Oh..Mom…it is okay. Try Escape

Mom: No. I think there is no point. I don’t think I can escape from this misery. The screen is blank and lifeless…

*After 1 hour of negotiations*

Son: Well it is quite easy now on…Type the user name in the empty box left
Okay…Okay...And now type the password…

Mom: But I don’t remember the password I wrote it in a paper sometime back...Oh.But I used that paper to wrap the fish …Do we have any other way out….

Son: ROTFL !!!!Leave it...I don’t think you ever gonna get to do this!

Mom: Yeah...Tell me when u are goin to take that exam…

Son: whaaat????????????

Mom: You just mentioned..… Wasn’t that an exam u talked about all the time..

Son: LOL!!!

Mom: You never mentioned that one..

And the battle goes on and on................

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Quotes Unquoted…

There is nothing like love at first sight coz love is blind!!(I am not sure if its original)

Half the people in the world enjoy life because there was M.A.S.H, Frasier and F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I love to take the road less traveled...Coz it would definitely be in a better shape...Aint it?

In the beginning God said ..”Let there be light”..But it was Edison who bought it home..

Don’t give a drowning man a glass of water..He might like something else for a change..Coffee..Cappuccino….Coke… :-0

I have given up drinking for good. I save more money for the cannabis..

My son started liking apples ever since I bought him an I-Pod.

I bought my wife from e-Bay but they don’t take back goods once sold.

Son to Mom: why don’t we sell Dad and buy Santa Claus??

Bush at a white house press meet…’Am a damn serious person’… Lol!!!!! another of his jokes..

Don’t be the good guy who did something bad...Rather be the bad guy who did something good.

I am emotionally strong. I cry only in the bathrooms…

Internet has made me lonely. I don’t see real people anymore. I have forgotten seeing anyone really ROTFL.. I haven’t heard anyone LOL…I have started seeing invisible people in the messenger!!

Basic Instinct is an adulterated movie..

Sex drugs and rock n roll doesn’t interest me any more. I like it other way around.

Einstein told E=mc2 and all said wow. And I said London=Trafalgar square. And no one cares!!

Never love yourself too much. You might feel sorry for you when you are sad…

Friday, August 10, 2007

Desi Born Confused Desi..

Dear Mom,

I am here safe and sound… Life in a foreign land is not as bad as I thought.. Today it is three years since I left home and started working…your son is not a cutie pie anymore. Do you know that I even had one full glass of beer that too without adding any water!! …hmmmhmm…Yes Mommy!!! The kid is not a kid anymore…. ;-P

By the way I made chicken curry yesterday. But we didn’t have the tomatoes at home so I put 6-7 pieces of tamarind. And later on I did not find the chicken in the freezer too...So I put the Fish instead. It turned out quite well. The rats don’t come home anymore!

You know Mom. My roomie takes water conservation quite seriously. He has stopped taking shower…well though he stinks so…I told him that we need to conserve fresh air too…

Neways I have learned many new things. I have improved my English vocab too…My friend says…Go and get that f%*#!ing coffee from the f%*#?ing coffee machine yourself you %*#er!!!
It almost rhymes with the nursery rhymes I learned in school..Neways he told me that he would teach me more of em and make me a complete man…very helpful guy he is.

And I had a dream last night..It was very scary…about exploding bombs ,crashing aeroplanes and democracy in USA. But you know mom. Your son is brave and wouldn’t succumb easily..So I stayed awake all night so that I wouldn’t dream anymore.

Well talking of people here. The Polish folks are a pole apart from other friends I have. They are very friendly types. But the French never take a Yes for an answer they always say’ Oui’!!! And when they say it real fast it sounds like the battle cry of oarsmen in our village boat race. And never worry about the Brits mom..They are now a minority in Britain. And ofcoz there is no beerdom with Germans around …

Do you know that Uncle Jameskutty had been bluffing all this time that he was in Germany...Coz his name doesn’t even figure even in one Mallu association out here!!! I even checked with the Association of Malayalees from Kottayam who like Volleyball! (AMKV) and the ‘All Kerala Association of Engineers from Stuttgart who like Masala Dosas’ (AKAESMD)!…not even there. That is disgraceful I would say!!

Talking of places here, its quite nice. Although there is a broken wall somewhere is Berlin, which needs some serious repair…And they cant afford to a decent coat of paint for the walls so they splash all sort of colour on it and calls it Graffiti.Guess these folks don’t have enough money like us. But I figured out they make some decent cars like Porsches! But not as good as Driver Vasu’s Ambassador. Remember the last trip in it we 9 of us could comfortably sit in that. But things are quite bad here. They tie down the people up in the cars with some kind off belts!! ! Isn’t that degrading!!

Btw please tell Grandma that no one likes the T.V soaps here and you don’t get ‘Ammamanasu’ or ‘Sthreeshakti’ here…But they have more interesting ones like Desperate Housewives and MTV love chat…

Oh…and I bet Lalettan’s new movie is a hit..Isn’t it.??. No one here knows about Lalettan..Can you believe that.!! :-O The superstars here don’t know how to do fist fight and cant handle more than 2 guys in a stunt scene. Our Lalettan would have easily taken care of at least ten rowdies..Maybe these folks out here don’t get to see good movies. I have told them that I ll prove ‘Narasimham’ is way better than die another day!!

Anyways I think I have written a big letter…

Hope the chickens at home are doing well. We will roast them when I come home next time..