Crap Expresso!!

The Crap express begins here.
It takes you to the real world of nonsense and utter nonsense. ..
wow..i feel home..

Overheard Somewhere….

JOOM TV reporter to Item girl:-”Rakhi, There are gossips running around that you want to date someone like ‘An officer and a Gentleman’ “Is it true? “

Rakhi fuming: and furious: - “Bitch!!...I am not that cheap you know? Dating two people at the same time…uh! What do you think of me!! ”

After the reporter left the place, a panicked Rakhi rings up the Gentleman:- “Sweetheart, I swear what she asked on television is absolutely untrue…I don’t go out with the officer anymore..”

The gentleman call it quits and delivers all her goodies to her home and ofcoz with a DVD of the movie which apparently would enhance her IQ by a whooping 50%.
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Meanwhile somewhere in the Secretariat a minister is puffing his Dinesh beedi…
Kerala Health minister to secretary: “PILLAI... You say Kerala has highest liquor consumption?”
Health Secretary: Yes SIR!!
Kerala Health minister:” PILLAI… You say Kerala has the highest percentage of suicides in our country as well?”
Health Secretary: Yes SIR!!
Health Minister:”You know what PILLAI??. I have studied till fourth, but I can’t figure out how the hell we STILL have the highest life expectancy in the whole country!!!!!!*

Health Secretary submits his resignation unable to answer the toughest question since his civil services interview.
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We get back to media, as a famous news website which gives authenticate interviews did this..

Dudiff interviewer:”Paaji...Your favourite kind of movies??”
Harbhajan:”Oye... I love slap stick comedies! Oops NOOO!! ..I withdraw the statement...Ask me another”
Dudiff:”Paaji…what kind of music do you listen to”
Harbhajan “Aussie…I mean like Ozzy…Ozzy Osburne..Could you please cut off this question as well?”
Dudiff:”Okay Paaji…one last quick question…Almonds or Symonds”
Harbhajan: “Teri…@#%*&……...”
Dudiff: “Thanks Paaji...We will edit it to make it even more scandalous!!”

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What’s in the news?

Union avaition minister fly in to Chennai to dedicate the new Airport.
He has come down to inaugurate the new Bengaluru international airport which has come up in the western suburbs of Chennai.


New Hockey league floated to bring in competitiveness and glamour.
Punjab Gills and Chennai Jyothis would be the star teams of the tournment. Chennai team bought the star player Kumaran for a huge some of 50000 rupees at a hotel in the city. Television channels were told not to be ‘stingy’ with the coverage. Punjab Gills however has promised to win the trophy within the next 346 years and ridiculed at critics who don’t understand him.


Oxford dictionary acknowledges new word of Indian origin

Amarsinghed (adj)
To be spotted with Amitabh bacchan.
To be spotted in television for no reason.

Usage: Can be used as a verb.
Abhishek bacchan was found to be Amarsinghing at the filmfare award function


Pritaming (Noun)
The art of copying or layman word for Xeroxing.

Usage: Please submit the pritam of your passport for filing the visa application.
That song looks like pritamed from somewhere.
Two students dismissed for Pritaming during the exam.


Ramadossed
To make contriversial decisions

Usage: M.F Hussain ramadossed again!!
In another ramadossier, the minister requested the defence minister to stop using 'smoke screens’ for our military exercises considering the health impacts on enemy soldiers.

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Gossip Column

Pinarayi Vijayan admits he failed for the English paper in school because he couldn’t answer the question àMake a sentence with the words ‘peaceful’ and ‘co-existence’. Though later he passed with flying colors for his diploma in machine and tools.


Anil Ambani building a new home in Mumbai. Teams of architects say the new multi storey building is so tall that it would overlook the Atlantic Ocean across Africa. The first fifteen floors would be dedicated for family disputes resolving boardrooms. The family would be staying in floors 16 to 20.Any further high the signals from reliance telecom wouldn’t reach. There also plans to schedule the Mumbai Marathon in this house where runner would have to climb the 125 floors in the 42 kilometer long stretch. Winners would be given a house on a shared basis. (Not shares)

Sigh the crap expresso terminates here. Have a safe journey ahead!!
Please alight from this blog station for more sensible life..if any!!