War on terror

This post is dedicated in loving memory of men and woman who were victims of the terror unleashed by a violent and cold-blooded enemy. Let’s pray for the victims in this moment of grief and pledge that we won’t leave their crimes go unpunished.

Excerpts of a speech from President Bush to the world.

“Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom -- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not fart err falter, and we will not fail”

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If you are wondering what Bush was talking about, YES, it’s about spiders, cockroaches, lizards, rats and other such terrorist group of animals who have put at stake the very existence of human race. Dear friends, this is a “rat race” we can’t afford to loose!

As one among the brave men of 21st century I am not the kind of person who will shy away from demanding times. I prefer to face the enemy, man to insect. And that’s why I have one of the world’s most lethal arsenal of cockroach repellants and anti-lizard ballistic sprays at home...

It all began several years ago…

Flashback…..

The countless times I met face to face with this enemy of our lives in bathrooms or while searching for an old pair of chappals in the attic …That day of tribulation , I saw one distant cousin of the tarantula near the soap box…But they say real men rise to the occasion in adversity and when alone…
And I ran for my life …

With all due to respect to Spiderman, I hate you for glorifying this dangerous animal to the levels of superstardom. In school several friends of mine caught spiders with a hidden ambition of becoming Spiderman someday, only to end up with gooey rashes and severe fever. Would these guys have been a bit realistic or sensible….Spiderman for godsake against Phantom...talking of matches…eh!!

Talking of another if not equally dangerous predator are the cockroaches who with their winged capabilities have given me countless sleepless nights. I remember running out of home for approximately 3 kilometers when I heard mom asking me to bring a broom when she supposedly spotted one of them in a dangerously combative position…It was the sheer bravery of my brother who apparently have a fascination for killing cockroaches that saved inhabitants of the house on that fateful day.

Often my humble expectations of a safer world are put off by another of them called the lizards whose only occupational hazard seems to get jammed at door hinges. Lizards though seemingly harmless are like a disaster waiting to happen. They would evolve into dinosaurs one day and outgrow their current size to turn into behemoth animals that could create disasters, as proved by Steve Spielberg in one of his famous movies. Do we stay quiet about all these…?

Part of the blame lies in our faulty education system. Even the widely respected source of knowledge for kids i.e. the cartoon network have made saints out of anti-human animals like Jerry who as we all know continuously harassed Tom….we are setting the wrong examples for our future generation… Ratatouille was not even banned in Iran!!!

This animal has to be destroyed under all means and I wished the United States government did give a deal for the state of Kerala where I come from, so that I could leverage the latest insect sprays from Wal-Mart to decimate these perpetrators of crime against humanity...

Fellow countrymen…Isn’t it time for us to ACT? Isn’t it time for us to do something about these infidels who create havoc at homes and especially. for certain guys like me who are genuinely protective by nature. Its time for us to exercise our rights to self defence and eradicate all of them for ever.

Regards,

Mathew
Chronic sufferer of Arachnophobia, kastaridaphobia and Scoliodentosaurophobia

34 bubblegums and candies

One of my favourite blogger Preeti or popularly known as “Just a mother of two” is doing something what most of us would put in the list of “Things to do before I die” list…Yes...She is going to be author of a book!! :-)

‘34 Bubblegums and Candies’ would be a collection of anecdotes which would allow the readers to enjoy the journey called life in its essence…in its tribulations….in its surprises...and its beauty! As the author herself puts it…

“It is only in fairytales that there are happy endings and the Hero always wins. Real life is rarely like that. It is mostly imperfect. There are times when some things happen that are so embarrassing that you wish you had the powers to escape like Houdini or you could change things with the flip of a switch like changing channels when you don’t like a TV programme. No such luck. You just have to grin and bear it. But the good thing is that no matter what it is, it always ends. Just like candies that melt and fade and the bubblegum that you spit out when you are done with it. "


Having read her posts for quite sometime I am eagerly looking forward to it and enjoy it in the same way as her blog which readers would vouch for as one of the best feel good blogs. You hardly ever finish reading a post of her without smiling over it or empathizing with characters in it...Wishing her good luck and all the best for the new author in town.

Deutschland Days...

Today I finished two years of my stay in Germany. It is still fresh and vivid in my memory the day I had landed here...Old readers of the blog might remember me sharing the first impressions of the country as a novice first time overseas traveler...It seems the other day I wrote about that flight and subsequent glimpses I had of this magnificent country.

The first month when everything was completely new and futuristic to me. I was in awe of the people, the modern infrastructure, spic and span roads and the air-conditioner like weather. It was ofcoz the period when my personal “blunder graph” hit the peak with countless mentionable and un-mentionable incidents. Now looking back I sort of miss that child like curiosity with which I looked at this place. I still remember the first day when I had to visit the main central station in Hamburg. A friend of mine had written in a slip of paper the German word for the main central station--> HAUPTBAHNOF…It was not funny when I was asking a passerby the way to….

“HO”...”HO”…”HOO”...*ahem* HOOOPPTH…..”

Before I could finish, the gentleman showed me where Hauptbahnof was…This happened to a guy who could say Thiruvananthapuram 100 times in a minute…I was floored by the language on day one itself. Considering that, worthy of mention is my current project to pronounce Fingerspitzengefühl and Streichholzschächtelchen which by the way I hope to complete by 2015.

Staying here for like such a long time has allowed me to have a close perspective of the country and the regular Germans. I have got to see the good and bad in them. Most people in the world are used to negative portrayal of the germans for obvious reasons...esp the older folks. I never felt the same coz for me the early impressions of this country as a kid were pictures of autobahn or Audi’s and Faber-Castell Pencils. But unfortunately, many stereotype the germans as an evil race even now. They say the French are romantics, the Italians are stylish and the Germans caused the World War II.

Having interacted with Germans for quite a fair amount of time I can assure that the cynics are wrong. In a personal way the typical german qualities are perfectly in sync with my ideals and it helped to fall in love with these people. Germans respect time and law, two qualities which I admire a lot. Trains and buses running late even by a few minutes is a rarity here, people jumping the traffic light are frowned upon, cars follow the driving lanes to precision and the system is so perfect that you almost miss chaos in this country!!

German work ethics though may look drab, as it gives stress on the quality of the product than the speed with which we finish the job. It is the perfect antithesis of Indian work style. Coz we give more stress on finishing a job quick rather than create a defect free product. Our style gives prompt results but to see why the German style is better just look at their products!!! The stress on quality of a product is evident from the fact that even the cheapest of gadgets bought here have a warranty for two years. And the penchant for precision is evident everywhere , be it in the higher end engineering works to a regular road construction to the way in which a person arranges the files and folders in his office. Efficiency is the second name of a German.

The people

I have a small but close circle of friends here. Two weeks back I attended a barbeque party at one of their house. Of the dozen attendees, I was the only non-German. I was amazed at how the entire group spoke in English during the party for my sake. It was heartening to see even folks who were not exactly fluent in English trying the same to make me feel not left out in the party.

Camaraderie is not generally associated with the Germans. You don’t make friends with them easily like say with a French or Italian, but you build the friendship over time and once the trust is established the germans are the best friends you could possibly have. They are very open-minded and go over the board to help you. They are brutally frank and you can take whatever they tell you in face value and that is one quality which I hope to possess someday.

The War

As I mentioned before, for most of us it’s the war that is synonymous with the germans. The fact is that the current generation (a huge majority of em) in Germany hate the Nazi’s far more than rest of the world does. It is an unfortunate baggage which these people are carrying for a crime which an entirely different generation did. It is interesting to note that the children here are actually consciously made guilty of it to avoid future mistakes...

What I don’t like

Sometime ago while I was traveling I saw one old lady trying to get down a bus from the exit near the driver’s side. (Here the passengers are supposed to exit through the middle door). As she was waiting for the driver to open the front door she was ridiculed by this young driver showing no respect for her age. The lady probably around 80 years old was asked to go back and get down via the middle door. Even more shocking was the apathy the fellow passengers were showing to the whole incident. This country gives probably the best of facilities for old and handicapped people like special seats in the bus, remote controlled wheel chairs and other gadgets. But these people are simply ALONE!! At least back home we may lack in the hi-tech, but we still respect the old and what we lack in tech is more than made up with love.


Two years is longest I have stayed in a single city since Trivandrum. There are several people who helped me here so that I didn’t miss home. My Indian colleagues and malayalee families , few European friends who made me love the people here, many of em who invited me to their parties or family events. Olaf told me that he was amused when I started arguing with a French guy who was saying something about Hamburg which I did not like. I realized then I was suddenly vouching for his country... almost as if I had fallen in love!! Living in a foreign country helps us learn a lot…I don’t think I can write all that in a single post…It helps us realize the value of our country...It helps us realize of things we are lacking in...And above all it helps us realize that no matter how good the foreign land is, there is nothing as good as to feel like “in my own country”!!

Pic: Elbe River, Hamburg...I cross this river daily to office.

P.S .Listening to this beautiful song by Dido

Ethan and Joan

Nibble oak nubbins and honey cake nuggets
Climb chestnut trees and eat bowl full of courgettes
Hop down haselbrook and sit near a chapel
That's what I like coz I am a cute little Squirrel

Ethan the teeny squirrel lived with his mommy squirrel in the giant oakwood tree colony. The colony that was the abode of sparrows, giant red ants and many others...The red ants who industriously worked and made castles out of leaves and stored the warehouses with food for the winter. Ethan tried making friends with them but then the ants never liked anyone else. So he went to mommy and asked her.

"Why don't I have any friends here?…Seems like the ants don't like me either. :-("

Then mommy squirrel took out a drum made of barks and oak leaves...She hopped towards Ethan and sang…

Down in the meadows listen to grasshoppers
Run behind dragonflies and ask out for butterflies
Play em your song and come home before sun set
And like I always say don't forget your favourite walnuts


Unfortunately the grasshoppers got scared of him, the butterflies never listened to his song and all he had was a few walnuts and no one to share …Sad and gloomy he walked back home and cuddled near the cushy tail of his mother…His mother tried to comfort him but Ethan was deep in sorrow.

Life is unfair and my heart is in despair
Smiles are rare and friends are nowhere
These days, even skylarks have no time to spare
But then, who seems to care?

Few blocks away lived Joan the kid. Joan just had a fight in the playground because his friends called him a "loser". If there was one thing Joan did not like it was calling names. Why was Joan such a mis fit? Was it coz he was the rich kid of the block and the spoilsport who would run away with the football when he was offended. So that Saturday morning, Joan walked away in anger...

As he reached near the oak wood tree, he threw his cap away and rested beneath the cool shades. The sky was brilliant blue and the air smelt of spring…The meadows across was lively as he saw the butterflies in a beautiful ballet of their own and the honeybees flying away with their precious nectar …Across he could hear his friends continuing to play without him…He was feeling left out.


Another lonely Saturday and I'll sit here all day
Until somebody home come and say
Let go coz you are no castaway
when all I wanted was a friend for every day


When Joan realized that he needed a good friend he first thought of going back to the playground. But they rather liked his football…And he wondered would there be someone, somewhere out there who was like him…some one just eager to be happy for each other…

Few branches above someone did wait indeed
As they glanced each other both eyes agreed
In silence and smiles a spark was born
And there lived forever two friends Ethan and Joan

'Freitag'ged!!

When I was in school I used to be an avid collector of ‘Reader’s Digest’ esp. the older editions. And every time I get to grab one of em I flip directly two sections before reading further…One was ‘Laughter the best medicine’ and the other was ‘Quotable Quotes’…Now to do this tag from Thomas who am sure when he gets older gets married and have kids would be addressed as ‘Thommanum Makkallum’…Not to mention the fact that apostle Mathew never says ‘NO’ to a buddy apostle though he wont believe it until ‘he actually see me doing the tag’ !! ;-P

So here goes the tag…


Jot down 5 of your favorite quotes from the various books you’ve read. If you don’t have the books with you now, googling (Wikiquotes and the like) can be used to find them. Tag five people and acknowledge the person who tagged you.



1.We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
----Professor Keating (Robin Williams) in 'Dead Poet's Society'


2. We do no great things, only small things with great love.—Mother Teresa
This is one quote which inspires me a lot..If there is one thing I can claim that I have never done over the last few years is shout angrily or really hate a person and I must thank Mother Teresa for teaching me the importance of selfless love…


3. It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.---Anne Frank


4. When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will finally know peace.----Jimi Hendrix


5. Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.” Calvin
There is no better reference book than Calvin which explains our life!!


I would like to pass on this tag to

Alexis (I hope to see him back in blogworld soon)
Preeti
Ann
Abhi
Cris
Scorpiogenius

Have a great weekend!!

Food for the distraught

“Found a bolt in chicken dopiaza”<EOM>Tony
“Nine safety pins found in Navarathna Kurma” Sharma
“Today’s Roomali Roti sent to Thakur Leather Upholsteries”Security
“No Chicken Fried Rice today. All gone in smoke”<EOM>Food committee

If these sound familiar to you then you are part of the brotherhood who suffer from canteen food sucks syndrome. The sufferings such people go through dwarfs the regular pains of an IT guy like low download speeds or password lockouts. I personally know several martyrs who had to be operated because of undigested Idli’s stuck in their appendicitis or folks who have gone into frenzy after having Chicken Jalfrezi.

Jeez, some of the items served in canteen easily violate the Geneva agreement on prescribed food standards for Software Engineers. For example I have seen the shocking case of a dosa which was made elliptical instead of circular. A clear violation of Law 32/C of Dosa standards Organization (DSO)!!

Canteen food is the most talked about thing in IT companies or basically any campus based firm. The canteen is after all the breeding ground for many of our creative engineers besides the bacteria’s. Infact most of the wildlife photo enthusiasts I know take their best snaps in office canteens. People are actually happy if they manage to find one of the rare insects in the Sambhar that would test the best features of their SLR cameras! No wonder why these wannabe photographers hurry up to the canteen during lunch hour, after all the early bird gets the worm. ;-P

But do these folks who complain have any idea about the PDS ration rice that used to be supplied to government employees. Vintage grandfathers and grandmothers used to queue up in one of those shops to get the quota or rice and kerosene which they were entitled to in the prime of their youth. Those times in the 80’s housewives competed fiercely with each other to find rice from the stones. The stones were then packed and send in lorries to huge construction projects like the famous Narmada dam which was built exclusively on stones from Ration Rice…Food quality has actually drastically improved over the years because we don’t anymore receive grains from the USA.

Though it’s not the same everywhere like my office canteen, where the Spanish Paella, the Italian Pizza and Mexican spring rolls come from the Yinchuan province of China…It is almost impossible to buy anything non-Chinese in this part of the world. I pity the global Chinese tourists who can’t buy anything coz even authentic French wine has the label ‘Made in China’!!

Well coming back to the pet peeve of canteen food, I agree it is sometimes bad and sometimes misconstruing too...My mallu friends don’t particularly like Aloo Gopi or Kadai chicken (they can’t believe people actually pay for spoilt chicken)!! And for my north Indian friends it’s not exactly a cozy code to pronounce 'Kozhikode chicken biriyani' nor do they like 'Anupam Kheer'!! I remember myself staying away from ‘Kesari Bath’ for several months due to obvious reasons...

It is unfortunate that we don’t enjoy the food in corporate canteens like in college where having hostel food was an adventure everyday …You know those programs in AXN where they ask people to eat beetles and scorpions...eh... Buddies!! They are a cakewalk!!

The food quality in hostels could be best described as lethal.
There even used to be a board outside the hostel canteen which served as a reminder.

“All products made here are tested on hostel inmates before allowing any guinea pig consumption.”

Am sure even the most hardcore inmates in Guantanamo would not survive the ordeal. Some of the things they used to serve in hostel were virtually unrecognizable and the cooks, they were masters at making fish curry without fish...And we realized why after a few months when the cooks were getting healthier and the inmates tuned into ishant sharmas. The good part is I don’t remember anyone who had fallen sick in my college hostel. Actually most of them did not even manage to stand up after a bite.

Well compared all that food our office canteens sound like ambrosia. But then we are IT guys and not supposed to be happy with what we have got…We love to bemoan over little things and for us cribbing over the food is part of our job that motivates test engineers to find bugs in code and quality engineers to achieve CMM level 5 standards.

For every bad meal we have had in canteens we know we have had worse before. But then this is our guilt buyout to have a burger or a pizza from one of the international chains…Btw which reminds me of something for which I still haven’t found an answer…

“Have you ever seen a Pizza Hut which was actually a HUT??’ ;-O

The wedding “wow” factor!!

It has been ages since I attended a wedding…And I miss it coz I consider wedding a very important and sacred event to be given due respect it demands. It is a once in a lifetime chance to share happiness and rejoice the coming together of two people who are going to spend their lives together for each other and…

And above all more significantly, it’s the day you get delicious FOOD of your lives!! .Now you know why I never miss the bus or the cab to a wedding!! You ask me who the groom or bride was, hmm tough luck sometimes… but I surely could tell you what the food was…

It’s like with the marriage invitation card that lies on the table and someone opens it…

“Hey…Madhu’s daughter is getting married”
“Oh… great! …By the way, who is the caterer??”

Countless caterers owe there popularity and zero wastage history just because of the sheer workmanship of me and my ilk…People often underestimate how important the food is for a wedding because the success of the marriage lies in the hands of the broker, the caterer, the priest and god almighty, in that order!!! There is enormous power vested in the hands and dirty kitchens of the caterer coz good food can make even a funeral sound great!!

But there is a catch to the whole thing…I mean the “marriage” which sort of rhymes with the word “trouble”. The couple gets into a very complicated unbreakable sort of lock called the wedlock and we (the dear patrons of the catering services) get to meet whole lot of people we don’t want to…like say insurance agents who appears in disguise as humans.

And I should mention folks who think would know their names even if we haven’t ever met!! I don’t even remember my email passwords which I changed the other day and how would I know the name of someone who claims to have met me in 1986!!! Like say…

Nameless Aunty: ”Mone... Do you remember this aunty…?”
Me (mumbling to myself): “you must be...hmm...let me guess...AGONY?”
Me (social cheerful face):”ayyo...ente eeshoyeei….so long since we have met.”
Nameless Aunty: “Chekku pandu nammalude veetil vanappol mampazha pullisseri venam ennu paranjathu orkunu ondo...”
Me (to Mom who is standing besides me):”Tell me...tell me fast... Who is she...and did I really say that”

And after embarrassing myself with my complete lack of knowledge of the family tree talking of which is like the most complex thing in the world after that “OMG-cobweb-Olympic-stadium” in Beijing, I go about being bait for others.

It’s often in wedding parties most people esp. in IT miserably fail to explain what exactly their job is!! We struggle to explain the coding, versioning, reviewing and things like that because we ourselves don’t know what they are…I often envy the lawyers who attend weddings because they can easily explain it like say “WE LIE”!! or the ISRO engineers who can tell the Appachen...”We make rockets...YES YES!!…bigger than the ones at Athirampuzha palli perunaal…” or the local politician who can say “I am a politician” and then Ammachi will nod and say “OH ..So you don’t do anything!!”

The marriage day crowd is like the Olympics of Families…Different families sport their best dress for the opening ceremony and though there is no haze you are still suffocated by an overdose of eau de cologne’s…some families don’t send family members in protest of some 'interkudumbam' land disputes…Some arrive at the venue after consuming banned substances called ‘alcohol overdose’ and have to be unceremoniously taken out…And for some it is mixing of politics/money with marriage that shatters the whole principle of the event..

And the funniest part is that the bride and groom are often just mascots of the event!!!
So enjoy the show till it lasts!! ;-D