Friday, March 23, 2007

The great office robbery

All was not well in the great Deutschland. The country of Porsches, BMW’s and beer do have the species called burglars.

Friday 15th..Morning 8.00 am.

The hard working guy was still in his dreams and enjoying the sleep cuddled in thick blankets to escape the arctic cold..

Tring Tring…..Tring Tring…

aargh...Guten Morgen. (Oh …who the #%*! ??)

Other side:”Hey Mathew, This is Olaf, Some bad news for you..Our office has been broken in by burglars..and we have a few laptops missing”

Me: “*"&/&!"§*#$#"

Olaf:”well bad luck..don’t touch anything in office until the police arrives


Wow..a nice way to start a day..they could have said the sun rose from the west and I would have lest shuddered..But here it was my Laptop!!!..my data!!!..my beloved Calvin mails!!!!..

Morning 9.30 am Office.

I expected a few helicopters .some blasting sirens..atleast a dozen police cars..Men in uniform..Special squads…bomb specialist..

uh..there weren’t anyone..Just Olaf standing outside the office..

Well was this all the years of watching Hollywood movies teach me.. Were was the big precise arrival of commando's and specialist's at the crime scene..I looked up at the sky for any signs of helicopters ..ah that seagulls would have dropped straight on my face If I weren’t careful enough..

Myself and Olaf arrived at the crime scene..Our door was wide open..bloody thieves they dint even bother to close the doors while going back..
Like CSI agents we were on our own quest for finding clues..Consciously we tried to look like agents..Those serious suspecting looks..lowered the glasses to mid nose level to lend a air of stylishness..I kneeled down on one leg..Think I felt like Michael Douglas in "Basic Instinct" trying to look lethal and investigative...

hey but what should I look for..where do I get a clue from..Well Sherlock Holmes and Byomkesh Bakshi solved cases because they had lot of clues..But here I couldn’t find any..

Mid afternoon the Police came in..I was consoled by colleagues after I was bereaved of my laptop..They paid homage for the years of faithful service and unflinching love the laptop had for me..
I loved the sympathy..Suddenly I realised I should look really sad..and not the funny grin I always put up..

Wow..the effect was good..Some said..I ll get a new one..
And in melodramatic touch I told them..”I cant think of a life ahead without my beloved laptop

The outpouring sympathy made me really sad..Many offered a drink to sooth the spirits..And I graciously accepted the free drinks offer..

But crap .I could bear the lose of laptop..but the utter disrespect shown by the police..Just two grumpy old men who had a look at the room and dint bother to do any high funda search with magnifying glasses and fingerprint checks..They just came and asked me something in german for which I told them that I speak only Malayalam..

They dint even bring a dog…!!!C'mon my laptop deserved atleast that!!


Dear friends I don’t ask for sympathy..somebody please pay me up for the laptop!!! ;-P

34 comments:

Neihal said...

"somebody please pay me up for the laptop"
hehehe
dont we all wish to have some kind ppl like that around us.

Sorry for ur loss.
See the sad virtual look is working.
:)

VIDYA said...

i cant help giggling, but i ll be gud 2 u.
:-(

silverine said...

My sympathies! 9/11 took the stuffing (of the almighty invincible US courtesy hazaar cold war novels) out of my confidence. It was a big let down!! So I can feel the disappointment when you saw those two old coppers :)

But take heart this way you get a new lappie!! hurray!!

Now if some robber would kindly come to my office and take my lappie...pleeeeease!!!

:p

priya said...

By the time I ship and send you mat, you can get a new one in good clearence. What ya say??

Di said...

be brave...u'll survive.. :D

Cuckoo said...

My heartfelt sympathies with you on the kidnapping of your laptop.

I hope they are giving him food and he is not sad without you. ;)

Kusum Rohra said...

They didn't send any bomb specialist!!!

Er, my (ir)rational phobia of bombs almost qualifies me to be a specialist, er, send me the tickets I will handle the investigation ;)

Anonymous said...

hey, it should be somebody who tried your recipes. They might have thought that if they steal your laptop you won't blog any more.....:)

"The outpouring sympathy made me really sad..Many offered a drink to sooth the spirits..And I graciously accepted the free drinks offer.." - Good one..

Almost a regular here but leaving a comment for the first time.. keep writing...

Gostana

mystic rose said...

thanks for making me laugh!..:P(sorry, laptop!)

ull get a new one? its insured, yeah? (sometimes if ti is work related, i think it is, right?)

mathew said...

@neihal

lol!!can i just tell u my account number!!;-P

@vidya

hehehe..yeah plz somebody give me somethin more than sympathy!!!!

@anjali

see how times change..someone begging for own laptop to get stolen..heights!! ;-P

I really wished atleast they bought a handcuff at the crime site..

@priya

yeah..hopefully..btw i dont mind a extra one too!! ;-P

silverine said...

I think this is racism most despicable...denying the Indian guy a legitimate full fledged crime investigation...with commadoes descending from helicopters, blaring ambulance alarms, sniffer dogs, coppers talking into walky talkies, snipers on the roof, flashing lights and a pretty blonde clinging onto Matts arms looking all distressed!! I am beside myself with rage and indignation! We demand equal drama and blondes for Matts or a million Franks in compensation!!! grrr

:p

mathew said...

@Di

i hope I can face thiss trauma!! ;-P

@Cuckoo

Yeah..Am in deep mourning these days..The flag is flown half past in Kingdom of Kottayam as a mark of respect!!

@Kusum

Lol!!!..I forgot the perpetual bomb scary blogger out here..

Tickets will be send to you in a unidentified bag!! ;-P

@Gostana

Thanks for the clue..I never looked it that way..i was always on the look out for the usual suspects!! ;-P

btw thanks a lot for droppin by the blog..very glad to see a comment from a silent reader..


@mystic rose

it wasnt insured..but i ll still get a new one..already put a order for it..and am goin to start it all over again..i mean the love affair with my laptop! ;-P


@Anjali

ROTFL!!!
nice one..esp the blonde part!! ;-P
am ready to lose another laptop if I am given the scenario you have described...

I have requested a DNA test for all laptops in Germany to find some clue..How intelligent me!! :-P
Hopin to read your dhamaka sunday blog soon!!

Anand K said...

You were worried the German police did not get so worked up in this case, eh? Tch tch. You are lucky it didn't happen something like this....

Hauptmann Ilsa, She-Wolf of the DeutschePolice: (smiles like a vampire) Herr Matthaus, nein! Do not be vorried! Vee vill take all nezessary achtion to nab der kulprit. Ich vill ztart by kombing fur die DNA zamples.
(Pulls out an eight inch long hypo)
Now ve start by kollecting der bone marrow DNA frum YOUR pelvic bone fur Krime Zeene Investigaschion.


M: Aiyyo! But why? I was the one who got robbed!

Ilsa: ZILENCE INDISCHEN PIG-DOG! Ich know you lying thieving untermenschen very vell! Robbing Der Deutscheland, all of you are! Maybe YOU hide der Komputer for der Deutschesbank Insuranz, eh?

LEUTNANT WEBER! UNTEROFFIZIER HIMMLER! Hold down zis scheiss face while I ztart mein thorough investigaschion.


(The blood-curdling screams tear into the morning sky.....)

PS: Sorry boss.... I saw one too many Prison Camp exploitation movies! :P

silverine said...

@Anand: ROTFL!!!!

mathew said...

@Anand

terrific!!!..floored!!
last time i got this scared was when i saw full metal jacket!!

you could have spared the details!! ;-P

oh okay..i have told em to stop the investigation ..I dont want the laptop back!!!!

silverine's version was so tempting!!! ;-)

How do we know said...

since u did not ask for sympathy, and i dont have enuf to pay for the laptop, too bad!!

btw, also loved ur summer memories post!

Nariyal Chutney said...

:) . This weekend one of my friends purchased a second hand laptop from Chor Bazar (It is near Chennai Central Railway station ) in Chennai . Think there were some German letters on the tag. Can you tell me your password for the Calvin mails :).

Umesh said...

Long back, one fine morning when i got up and looked at the garage i realised that my bike was not there. It was robbed. I immediately called Shornur police station and they said they will come soon. I expected a major investigation to happen and i also tried to get some clues till the team came. Like your case, around 12pm a constable with a big kumba came and started writing things in a book and didnt bother to do any investigation. I had found a lottery ticket stub at the scene of crime, i enthusiastically handed it over to him using a hand kerchief. He took it from me bare handed, looked at it for some time and threw it to the backyard and went off.

Ruchika said...

Awww.. thats too bad about your laptop...

You know what I noticed.. how many of us relate events, scenes and circumstances in our lives to movie characters and scenes so much! Its like we have a virtual other world moving with us in our heads! I'm this or that character in such and such movie! Hmmm.. :)

Btw, I've had my brush with the German police once, and they were anything but nonchalant! I remember they scrutinized our passports for 5 or 7 mins each, when some of my frds and I were on a bus going from Munich to Paris.. very thorough, so I'm surprised about the attitude you described!

Mishmash ! said...

Mathew, somehow u got me thinking that its another dream like the one in ur college drama story ;) the write up was rich with all the filmy masalas :)so getting only sympathies or any sponsorships yet ? :)

Shn

Keshi said...

there were 2 break-ins at our floor...they took alot of laptops but I aint shedding a tear...cos they get replaced pretty quickly :)

Keshi.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

heh heh ,... maybe that'll inspire u to return to india and have a look at our dear old bulky trustworthy PCs again ....

btw , youtube is blocked here .. puleeeeez send me those videos ?

alex said...

Dude,

The extend of irritation is mostly due to the movies. ;)

Did you have any back up of the data in your lap top??

@NC,

LOL. Kallan kappalil thanne. :P

Jac said...

matt

da laptop is with me buddy.

da laptop that you lost, Want it back for half the price ?

mathew said...

@how do we know

thanks a lot..my accn no is...... ;-P

@NC

hehehe...ah..thank fully no one crack that laptop..it is heavily fortified!!

@Umesh

ROTFL!!too good..cant imagine the glum on ur face after that!! :-P

@Ruchika

exactly..movies sometimes make us believe that life is like they show it..

btw envy u that u guys hit on some real police!!

@Mishmash

heheh..thankfully i am getting a new one soon!!

mathew said...

@Keshi

lucky ones..u had insurance!! :-)

@atleast i dont have to worry that they might be stolen.

btw dont work in a place where they block youtube and orkut!!

@Alex

only if I anticipated the theft!! :-(

btw kallan kappallil onnum alle!! :-P

@Jac

GPS activated..wait for some police rounding up at ur home!! :-P

Rose said...

Hahaha!!!! Dnt worry Mathew.. He (I refer to all things techie as 'he') is in a safe place now.. Atleast the poor thing wudnt have to bear posts like this one... ;)))))

:D

..Me

Neihal said...

Mathew I just filed my taxes.
So incase if you are still interested in sending me your A/C No.....can I have the banking password as well ;-P
Kind ppl needed. :D

alex said...

Mathew,

Well, i think keeping a back is extremely important when it comes to machines-computers.

Can they be insured? If so, was it??

Jac said...

The thief is a master hacker buddy ! and he knows the basics.

VIDYA said...

ur tagged!! *book tag* ..

Raghav said...

the laptop belonged to ur office rt ?
u trying to work a scam here ??!!

silverine said...

p.s Matts have you heard about the CM Chor Bazaar Chain that has opened up across Kerala? I heard laptops are their specialty! I am in Kottayam this week where they have their main branch, will def check the store out!

p.s. Any idea what CM stands for? hmmmm


:p

mathew said...

@Rose

;-P

yeah..but i ll get a new one soon!!

@neihal

do i know you.!! :-P
shall we talk of something else like global warming!!

@Alex

it wasnt actually insured by my company..but still will get the money back..coz the site location of my work is insured..

@Jac

Now I gonna put some survelliance in Nigeria!! ;-P

@Vidya

thanks a lot..btw my take on your book tag might be pityful..was overwhelmed by the books I havent read!! ;-P

@Raghav

yeah..but am not working at my company office..thats the big headache..but I love a scam!!

@Anjali

Lol!! CM Chor baazar..how did u come u with that..hehehe..nice one..

ahem ahem...suspects are identified in bangalore as well!!
:-P