Monday, August 11, 2008

The wedding “wow” factor!!

It has been ages since I attended a wedding…And I miss it coz I consider wedding a very important and sacred event to be given due respect it demands. It is a once in a lifetime chance to share happiness and rejoice the coming together of two people who are going to spend their lives together for each other and…

And above all more significantly, it’s the day you get delicious FOOD of your lives!! .Now you know why I never miss the bus or the cab to a wedding!! You ask me who the groom or bride was, hmm tough luck sometimes… but I surely could tell you what the food was…

It’s like with the marriage invitation card that lies on the table and someone opens it…

“Hey…Madhu’s daughter is getting married”
“Oh… great! …By the way, who is the caterer??”

Countless caterers owe there popularity and zero wastage history just because of the sheer workmanship of me and my ilk…People often underestimate how important the food is for a wedding because the success of the marriage lies in the hands of the broker, the caterer, the priest and god almighty, in that order!!! There is enormous power vested in the hands and dirty kitchens of the caterer coz good food can make even a funeral sound great!!

But there is a catch to the whole thing…I mean the “marriage” which sort of rhymes with the word “trouble”. The couple gets into a very complicated unbreakable sort of lock called the wedlock and we (the dear patrons of the catering services) get to meet whole lot of people we don’t want to…like say insurance agents who appears in disguise as humans.

And I should mention folks who think would know their names even if we haven’t ever met!! I don’t even remember my email passwords which I changed the other day and how would I know the name of someone who claims to have met me in 1986!!! Like say…

Nameless Aunty: ”Mone... Do you remember this aunty…?”
Me (mumbling to myself): “you must be...hmm...let me guess...AGONY?”
Me (social cheerful face):”ayyo...ente eeshoyeei….so long since we have met.”
Nameless Aunty: “Chekku pandu nammalude veetil vanappol mampazha pullisseri venam ennu paranjathu orkunu ondo...”
Me (to Mom who is standing besides me):”Tell me...tell me fast... Who is she...and did I really say that”

And after embarrassing myself with my complete lack of knowledge of the family tree talking of which is like the most complex thing in the world after that “OMG-cobweb-Olympic-stadium” in Beijing, I go about being bait for others.

It’s often in wedding parties most people esp. in IT miserably fail to explain what exactly their job is!! We struggle to explain the coding, versioning, reviewing and things like that because we ourselves don’t know what they are…I often envy the lawyers who attend weddings because they can easily explain it like say “WE LIE”!! or the ISRO engineers who can tell the Appachen...”We make rockets...YES YES!!…bigger than the ones at Athirampuzha palli perunaal…” or the local politician who can say “I am a politician” and then Ammachi will nod and say “OH ..So you don’t do anything!!”

The marriage day crowd is like the Olympics of Families…Different families sport their best dress for the opening ceremony and though there is no haze you are still suffocated by an overdose of eau de cologne’s…some families don’t send family members in protest of some 'interkudumbam' land disputes…Some arrive at the venue after consuming banned substances called ‘alcohol overdose’ and have to be unceremoniously taken out…And for some it is mixing of politics/money with marriage that shatters the whole principle of the event..

And the funniest part is that the bride and groom are often just mascots of the event!!!
So enjoy the show till it lasts!! ;-D


Rahul Nair said...

So true.
Its like an ammoomma comes to me and says... 'Monu aaru maasam praayamullappol entho vazhakkaaayirunnu'
Ya!! like I remember that!!

Wedding food - never miss it. It know one wedding where the caterer screwed up and you should have heard all the things people said about the marriage...
Not me!!! I didnt say one word.. :)

silverine said...

LOL!! Very true!! I am going to Changanassery for a wedding this ID Day weekend and dreading the thought of meeting a bunch of people I don’t want to meet :( I have a good memory of ungles and aunts so no chance of calling an Eliyamma a Thresiamma or vice versa :p In my family, weddings have ceased to become a gossip camp. People seem to enjoy the little time they get with others whom they rarely get to meet.

But I miss the bitchy, gossipy, tearing-someones-reputation-to-shred days :((

It is going to be a boring weekend with ungles and aundies fawning over me *boo hoo* Whats happening with our people!!! I demand a return to our roots and our sabhyatha and sanskriti. This modern day living is going to be our ruin!!! What next! Bible reading in kallu shaaps??? *gasp*

We are an endangered species now :|


anN-series said...

same thoughts...i was telling sis how much i wanted to attend a malayalee wedding (jus to eat of course!)...but now a day i hv heard we get tandoori chicken, malai kofta and rabri kulfi! now i think wont i be better off at kake da dhaba-i dont hv to dress up, tell ppl i learn 'to lie', duck questions of 'nee arudey mol aa?'/auntye ariyo/ninney kettikaaraayille!

chey bad manners...guest aayi oru veetil poyi mango pullisherry chodichu medichu :~P

Neena Padayatty said...

A pity my appetite is appeased at the very sight of the food and leaves less scope for the stomach. :(

Well...last time i went to a baptism,many a relative imagined they heard a 'B' between my "MA"...who's not an MBA these days!

"...the family tree talking of which is like the most complex thing in the world after that
“OMG-cobweb-Olympic-stadium” in Beijing..."

Timely imagination!Cheers!

mathew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mathew said...

But its kinda fun to hear that ..isnt?
Oh I remember as kid how I looked forward to attend the weddings...But sort of the taste is not good as the old days..

Hey am actually envying you..;-P
I am a loser with names...I just dont remember em...I dont get to hear much of the gossip thing in weddings though..and as you said I think as time gets scarier people cant afford spend time just cribbing over..

"I demand a return to our roots and our sabhyatha and sanskriti. "hehehehe..;-D

"'nee arudey mol aa?'/auntye ariyo/ninney kettikaaraayille! " LOL!!

malai kofta in a malayalee wedding..who did come up with that!!uh..

btw I swear that thing about the mampazha pullisseri is just a rumour..;-D

ROTFL...I heard there are one of em in every panchayat back home..MBA has lost its punch isnt!!

I dont ever have a problem with having the appetize for food..I dont even need an appetizer for that!!;-D

Mishmash ! said...

Didnt u hear the "latest" job description of IT? 'Idivettu' & 'Thattippu'- courtesy - 'Akkarakaazhchakal' :D :D

srijithunni said...

So True, nowadays i dont say IT, or Software, I tell them I work in Bangalore, they assume the rest.

About the caterer part, I truly agree, for people who come to the wedding, if the food is good, then all are happy.!

Funny as usual..! :)


Abhi said...

Awesome post. Loved the descriptions of people's jobs. Isro engineer's rocket's really made me rem th days of ragging when i told senior's tht my dad's working in Isro n one of them said "Angere aan alle appo ella masathilum 4 3 2 1 enni kalikunna alle?" i didn't know wat to say bak. I think each of us are bombarded with questions like ann told about people questioning your paternity and marriages being a memory test of remembering the names n living locations of relatives' homes, the food is the only solace. Getting to eat great homely food after ages, esp for those working away from homes.

Philip said...

"the success of the marriage lies in the hands of the broker, the caterer, the priest and god almighty, in that order"

I too am plagued by complete ignorance of my family web. It's most disconcerting during weddings when people come and ask 'do you remember me?'

How do we know said...

ha ha.. looks like weddings are all the same everywhere!!

TheGreatOne said...

So so agree with this! :D
'food' always in 'priority-1' for marriages! In fact, people just sneak into marriage parties just for the food, who cares abt the bride and the groom!? :P

Ancy said...

phew!! tell me about it...I can only remember a relative who falls in the first and barely in the second round of cousins..Every time we went to Kerala or met any distant(literally)relatives, i faced this problem.. and the worse thing is if u don't remember these ungles and aundies, they are so offended... previously, i used to say 'aiyo, enikku kandu orma unde, pakshe paer orma illa'...i was so thrilled to have found this easy solution till once i told this same line twice to the same person in a gap of 1 year and she said, 'but din't i tell u my name the last time we met??' an thru out the time, she cautiously eyed me wondering whter there was something wrong with me...

The fun began after marriage while remembering all my inlaws family members...with 3 thankachayans, 2 susies, 2 sallies and 5 marriamas and somehow all related to each fil's 3rd cousin's elder bro married to my mil's sister's inlaw's sister... u get the thread? it is still sooo confusing...all the achayans and ammamas with their sons and daughters whom i saw like a blurry vision on the D-day...
So before visiting a house, my hubby starts tutoring me abt the whole family history plus the number of hens, cats and dogs, cows dead and alive..The result of which is that my super brain just jumbles up all the names - animals and human beings, dead and alive irrespectively...

Anonymous said...

Hmm... I don't share the enthusiasm for attending weddings these days. In fact, unless my presence is absolutely essential, I take pains to avoid attendance, and would consider jumping into lakes in order to avoid the matter, even if I don't learn the art of swimming in time.

The fact is that in weddings where a large chunk of my relatives are present, discussions tend to revolve around my own marital status and the plans to alter it.

But I remember the feeling of being greeted by seemingly random strangers who know all about you. Our older generation seems to know approximately 93% of the population. I end up at a meeting, and I see that most people know me, and my family.

I say stuff like "Of course I remember you, Aunty, but vaguely." and scurry off to another corner where I shall meet an entirely new set of familiar strangers... It keeps going on and on and on... It used to be worse, though. My folks used to expect me to remember the people. They don't anymore. So hurrah, I guess...

scorpiogenius said...

True true...many a times I thought it may need a army battalion to control the 'mob' waiting to dash into the dining hall after wedding..lolz..

Ah, about the 'familiar-yet-unfamiliar' faces we come across in marriages, well, just smile and pretend fully that "oh...hello, how r u? long time no see..." vere vazhi illa...:)

mathew said...

hehehe..yes I am a regular watcher of 'Akkarakaazhchakal' and absolutely love it..only prob is that innyum naatil povumbol ellavarum ithu aano pani ennu chodikkum!! ;-D

Yes for anyone who works in Bangalore is an IT guy..But i think that sterotype is slowly changing..

'Angere aan alle appo ella masathilum 4 3 2 1 enni kalikunna alle?"LOL!! ;-D

Yes.the skill is dodging such questions..

YOu have no idea what I go through when I meet people after like 3-4 years..Because it often happens that i forget the names of people who I met even the other day...This forgetfulness helps because when I read some blogs again it still feels like I just read a new one!!;-D

@How do we know
am yet to attend a non-mallu non-tamil wedding..I am looking forward to a north indian wedding!!;-D

@TheGreatOne's Home
Hey they are the diety whom we should meet before going for the kill at the lunch/dinner hall!!;-D


'with 3 thankachayans, 2 susies, 2 sallies and 5 marriamas ' LOL!!

Oh in my case people are not offended because I am quite a loser there and people know it!!;-P

The easiest way out is 'Oh..engane marakaan pattum..'..But if they ask you to tell the name you are dead meat!!;-D

I wouldnt under such circumstances too..But I havent attended one in like 1.5 years and I miss that!!

'I remember the feeling of being greeted by seemingly random strangers who know all about you' hehehe, I remember meeting em too and you are often left wondering HOW DID THEY!!!!

Same with my folks with having lost all hopes on me!;-P

Usha said...

ah, i need to go attend one big fat mallu wedding soon! missing them.

Hari said...

Hey, you missed out on the good looking gals! :P

Gals occupy a position on par with that of food, for me. But most weddings I attend have veggie food, so food doesn't really play a part. Still I don't miss any christian/muslim wedding!

Nice post, as always. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh the aunty-at-marriage encounter becomes dangerous after the do-you-know-me question. Cause the minute you go saying oh-yes-sure, some of them give that dangerous smile and ask "So who am I?"

Dhanya said...

Yeh I'm also longing for a wedding n the palada.. U made me sad :(

Dhanya said...

New template as well :)

jj said...

'alcohol overdose'... I happened to attend a wedding in tcr recently, coz it was a simple village affair, there were no uniformed fancy caterers. The so called chettans reeking of alcohol were in full swing. There was this man serving chicken and asking everyone "choru veno? choru veno".

Olympics of families LOL! Reminds me of days when there would be almost a stampede when they opened the doors of the dining hall after the muhurtham.
Xian weddings ... I have one coming up in the family soon. The post is already giving me shivers thinking about the possible auntie encounters

mathew said...

hahahah..correct description..ARMY MOB indeed!!

Consider someone hasnt attended one for more than a year.. :-(

Oh I actually love the veggie Sadhya..Do try eating just non-veg for one week and you ll see why!;-D

Good looking girls in the wedding deserve a new post altogether..;-P

@Ms Cris
Hahaha..been there and subjected to such humilations!!;-P

Why do all people tell in detail about the food!!aah..can we say it like in generic term as food!! Palada slurp....;-P

Thank you... :-)
I miss those simple wedding..everything has become so sophisticated now..or should say even sophisticated naadan style..

Yes indeed it is a stampede at times where survival of the fittest rule comes into play!!

Anonymous said...

Funny :) My husband too is clueless about his family tree. I think I know more of his family members than he does after just a few years of being married to him. And I think the food is the most talked about thing about a wedding after how cute the couple looked :)

VIDYA said...

whoa!!! 2 f my fav topis food and weddings...
Being in chennai means one thing if u r a mallu, especially if your dad is a member of malayalee assosiations... that you get to go to every chinu minu linu pinu's wedding... and defnitely a lot of fun! and ofcourse comparing the diff weddings we d been to in a year, like last year there was this one theme weding and the theme was 'dreams' or sumthing like tht... there were so many baloons that everyone tripped, the popcorn and cotton candy stalls, and you wont believe it but a Gaint wheel!!! weddings r Seriously turning into fairs...
but then.... i dream of my wedding every day..

and veggie food is actually awesum in a wedding...
and the weddings in kerala are ofcourse way too cool, except for 'mollaaayy ene ormayundoo... ne oru nelikapole irianapol kandadha...'

awesum post as always :)

freespirit said...

lol :)Weddings! Oh I love em :) And its all about food, agreed! and all the 'meeting ppl whom u dont remember' thing, thats fun too, at least for me :) . The best part is that I always think I know the person and make random guesses as to who they are, and that with so much confidence that the person himself begins to doubt his identity :)

Preeti Shenoy said...

ha ha ha--you described it so well..The only difference in Hindu weddings (well, to be specific konkani GSB weddings) being that NO ONE will come in an inebriated state.Yeah--groom and bride are indeed the mascots..and yes, those relatives ask me also whether i remember.But I would have done my homework before (quizzing mom so i dont goof up) and usually I give the right answers.Now, after getting married to Satish, my homework as increased--He does not remember his aunts, his cousins etc.I do and often rescue him :) :)

mathew said...

I am amazed at our older folks keep track of all these..they can virtually recall the birthdays and lineage of practically everyone in the family!

Giant wheel has to be heights!!;-D
Well in chennai I guess you are spoilt for choices will so many malayalees around..

Been there..and duly embarassed too!!;-D

Folks in inebriated conditions are routine back home at big functions...

I normally dont face too many family lineage puzzles ever since I have made a reputation for being a zilch at that!!;-P

Anonymous said...

haha..simply laughing yaa.This was a wonderful read..May be the slang can sound different,but the local "viseshangal" are the same at almost everywhere in Kerala.Just like you,my only interest was Food at a time.But as i grew up marraige parties sounded hell for me..I was unable to talk about the "saree trends",very poor/horrible in jewellery(I have indifference to them In fact) demo..So all my cousins started avoiding this big fool..But it is real good that i could taste some special food as a consolation.(they all had a sympathy that iam a "mandabuddhi")Finally I could see that almost all the marraige functions people are interested only on food and they dont care for the poor "hero and heroine"...I guess we are there to see the bride/groom and wish them good luck..Food can be enjoyed,but is that the main thing mathew ? As a reform,I made it a point to attend all my friends/close people marraiges two days before.Its beautiful Mathew.You can peacefully meet them,give a heartful present,share some stories,have some homely food and come back.Away from all the crowd and demos..(pareekshichu vijayicha formulayaa maashe..venamenkil Idivettu Thattippu chodyangal,vishakalangal ennivayil ninnu escapam...may God bless you )

mathew said...

Thanks for the long comment.i love reading em..

thank god we dont have to talk about "saree trends" or jewellery..;-P

and ofcoz the whole post is on a lighter sense..I love to attend the marriage of people I really care about..I still regret not attending the marriage of one of my close buddy since I happened to be abroad..

btw nice formula indeed..coz am expecting some Idivettu Thattippu chodyangal from folks when am home this december..;-P

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