Saturday, September 13, 2008

No Red Carded Welcome for Machos


I heard him thundering from the other room…Well ofcoz, I wondered Joe wouldn’t be audacious enough to make love with someone so blatantly oblivious of others in the same apartment. And as I glanced half awake at my watch it showed a time which I was surprised to know still existed…
4:00 am it said.
Normally I should wake up at this time only if disturbed by minor disturbances like an earthquake or a nuclear attack or say a loud Mamata Bang…But this was real loud!!

So I walked to his room to see him clenching his fist and punching in thin air.

“Edaaa…is everything OK…You must know that with your weight you wouldn’t even qualify as a feather weight boxer’s dumbbell”

“Oh yes…I am’s just the game”

And then I realized he was in a state of temporary teleportation to some place called Copa America watching some ‘Silvia’ score in a game called Football!! And that was a bloody repeat telecast!!

Oh boy I was so mistaken. Hollering about a guy who wouldn’t bat an eyelid to name his child, Valderrama. Little charming name from the beautiful game.

Football is like what sandals are to woman and that’s like the only conversational topic known among men, besides woman of course. But unfortunately are all men blessed with a golden boot? My foot!!

My passion for football started with world beater teams like Kerala Police and State bank of Travancore. Due to sheer delay in the cable television reaching home in time I was outdated soon while friends began talking about Tottenham Hotspur or West Ham which until recently was some kind of ham from the west. Poor me watched the Turning Point in DD on Sundays, I knew more about UFO’s than UEFA back then.

And by the time I reached college I was completely shattered when I came to know that those guys who wore the red jerseys were not communist’s but fans of a club called Manchester United!! Friends were encouraging and approving when we used to call our beloved professors names like Vella Paata or Centrifugal Kamil…but you don’t dare disrespect the football managers. Many of my ‘education allergic friends’ shockingly took offence for not addressing a Saar appropriately…Sir Alex Ferguson was like the most respected HOD in college!

It was sudden realization that I couldn’t survive anymore on memories of I M Vijayan or V P Sathyan…It was time to move on to Ronaldo and his name-likes whose families supply half the football clubs in the world…And as one of my friend’s say, out of sheer peer pressure I started watching the game with renewed interest…But I never got the gist of names like “Weirder” Bremen or “Bolton Wanderers” who were not gypsies of any sorts…So I pretended to be a big fan of the club which usually would be the team standing in top of the league. But it doesn’t end there coz in football discussions people end up talking about the goals someone scored against someone at someplace in some prehistoric time. And only thing you could possibly say in such dilemma’s regardless of topic...Yes Arsenal ROCKS!! That’s what always worked you know!!

Then came a time when it was not cool anymore to wear check shirts stitched at “Babu fashion tailors”….You had to wear a Football Jersey or else you are like one of the mummies in Egypt !! Though I adequately made my parents frown, wearing colorful Barcelona jerseys to funerals and weddings, it was worth it...Because it always gave a sense of ‘clubiness’ at such austere events! Hey couple, this representative from Barcelona Football Club wishes to convey greeting on your marriage!!

It is funny how people get passionate about the whole club thing… Chelsea fans from Champakulam to Valencia fans from Vadakancherry…You come across them sooner or later and they make sure you regret not being supporter of their clubs.

“What you don’t like Peter Cech”

“Nope...I prefer Dollar cheques, Do you have one?”

And then I realized it was better to stick to my idea of favourite sport...Caroms anyone?

P.S. I am a St Pauli and Arsenal fan.. :-P


Philip said...

There was a time when I too used to root for Kerala Police in the Federation Cup.. Pappachan and Jo Paul Anchery, anyone? It's no coincidence that this interest died down with the coming of Cable TV.

Hari said...

Football mania is the "IN" thing, and it hasn't died yet!

I could relate a lot to this post, for, I'm like you too!! I also root for the winning team, and add comments like "ManU rocks!" or "Chelsea sucks!" with a bare minimum of football knowledge! :D

I love Carroms! :)

Anonymous said...

Funny you should've posted this at a moment I'm at the pinnacle of the club mania. Yesterday, 'my' club :D , Liverpool FC put paid to the arrogance of Man Utd. and the scum who support them, in the most watched club football fixture of the world.

I am one of those maniacs, about whom you wonder in the post. I wear a red ( not the dirty red :P, but Liverpool red) jersey to college frequently. And I don't miss any of our matches, if I can help it. I also spend more than 75% of the time I am online in football-related-browsing and spend almost all of my time in orkut, in football communities.
I could go on and on, but you get the drift.:P I am one of the members of the dreaded brotherhood ,you are making fun of.

Another point I'd like to make, is that 'fan's like yourself and Hari are not appreciated in football circles. You, my friend, are an example of the term 'gloryhunter' or 'fairweather fan' in footballing parlay. If you aren't interested in football, you're better off saying so and eyeing crazy guys like me with disapproval, from a distance, instead of joining the ranks of a thousand "ManU rocks" Indians who know zilch about football. It isn't fashionable. :)

Of course, if you've genuinely took to the game and love it, I apologise. :)

a Liverpool fan from Taliparambu

mathew said...

Ofcoz I remember those guys..glory days of kerala football..we used to have a holiday if Kerala won th Santosh trophy..:-)

i used to say that in college..but not anymore..whats the point anyways...Its not uncool to not be a diehard fan of something.

hehehe..probably the tone of the post was bit misconstruing..I said I "used" to do that..

I dont think you have to really pretend that you are something which you are not..Same with football or music..I like football more than cricket and do support a club..what am saying is that its not a life and death matter.This post is not about ridculing the real fans and is to be taken in good humour..And if i were a 'fairweather fan' i wouldnt be supporting my club till now!;-P

Anonymous said...

I think , on reading my comment again, it comes across with a bit of a harsh note, which I did not really intend. On the other hand, I did say beforehand that if you have really took to the game, I am sorry for branding you a gloryhunter.

I thought you were joking in the postscript. Is St.Pauli , your the team from where you stayed in Germany?

Of course, the post is taken in good humour. :). I can see why a game of football, by itself , so simple, being treated as a life-and-death matter is strange. Even then, I'd like to quote Bill Shankly here. It's NOT to prove any point or go one up, definitely not, It's just that the temptation to use this quote is damn hard for me to resist with your using the term 'life-and-death-matter'.

'Some people believe football is a matter of life and death.
I'm very disappointed with that attitude.I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.'

~ Cheerio :)

thomas said...

Hmm, honestly i din know a jack about these clubs and stuff. Used to play football when in school, and that's it. Well, to avoid being isolated in a group and humiliated by sadistic friends, one day i decided to do something about it. Off i went to wikipedia and some sleepless nights did it. Finally i got the keyword, ManU rocks, and i don have a dook of an idea where this manchester is.
P.S. I know the literary meaning of arsenal. There's also a place like that??!!
P.P.S. Ok, got it, there's no place like that, thanks to wikipedia.

silverine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
silverine said...

Arrgh!!! Full mistakes in earlier comment!! What I was trying to say is that I know zilch about football...but I have grown up hearing the big club names and seen first hand the craze amongst cousins in Kerala. In Bangalore however,the same fanaticism is absent amongst the guys I know.

Divs said...

I liked the comparison! :P
football is like what sandals are to women!! :)

carrom? u gotta see me play.. I always manage to put the striker right inside the pouch.. Wanna play? :P

VIDYA said...

woeey, i shldnt even be commenting on this post, like i told u b4 i thot those red tshirts are actually free stuff u get on 'emirates' :d then again when you say football is to men, what sandals are to women, i understand how u feel :D :d

carrom spoils our nails, so we stick to snake and ladder :D

Anonymous said...

> watched the Turning Point in DD on Sundays
Ohh - nostalgia.

For some reason I hate all sports. Even cricket - I must be the only guy in India who don't like cricket.

Abhi said...

Nothing beats discussing football scores on a monday morning in college. I still remember one guy in my class who used to come and say "Arsenalinde kali kanda, Thierry Henrynde goal kanda, SUPER ALLE". The only thing that'd probably beat Football mania from being the IN thing might be F1. I picked up the habit of watching these sports while in college. F1 simply coz being a mechanical engineer i love the beauty of the sport and the way they whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm with sexy pit babes around :D

PS: We love the Arsenal, we do, we love the Arsenal, we do,
we love the Arsenal, we do, ohhhh Arsenal we love you.

Unknown said...

"I was completely shattered when I came to know that those guys who wore the red jerseys were not communist’s but fans of a club called Manchester United!! " ROTFL!!! too good!

Pooja Nair said...

I am sorry but I think "Turning Point" was/is a much better way to spend time than watch sports!

But i enjoyed watching a live "India Vs Sri Lanks" match here in Colombo.

Enjoyed your narration as usual, full with your inborn sense of humour!

And hey! Caroms anyday!!! :D

Deepti said...

You know what its even more surprising when we girls say we follow football and the guys give "oh they just fall for good looking footballers look" .Its only when we give them more fundas than they ever heard that they acknowledge .. Hail Chelsea :D

mathew said...

No offence taken..;-P
I actually am a big fan of St’s a 2nd division local club here.

Hahaha..thank god to wiki…I wish we had internet during our school days..all those projects would have been a cakewalk..

I got it before.;-P
And yeah football craze is generally more prevalent back home and in Bengal/Goa…But rest of the states are fast catching up too..

hahaha…I used to play when I was in college..and when we cousins got together…
I loved it more when I play with cousins and helps in family bonding..

yeah…yeah..I excuse you from commenting on this.;-P
nails spoilt the carom board!!;-D

I am not a cricket fanatic either..though I like to watch it.period..
Its more of a thing watching the game with friends…

heheh…is F1 still popular without Schumacher..I sort of miss him in the circuit...
F1 should be every mech engg fav sport..;-P

@ Abraham
thanks dude …:-)


Thanks bud…
Oh yeah…remember that in school we couldn’t afford not to watch turning point when we so many studious fellows in class..;-P
Live match in Colombo..I would love to..with a beer maybe..a cup of Ceylon tea wouldn’t ex-actly fit in there..;-P

I admire girls who can drop those stereotypes…watch what you really enjoy…

Rahul Nair said...

actually it is pretty funny...
at my house the start of EPL marks the start of the another war.. Chelsea and MANu... these guys dont have better times to telecast matches than at 12:00 am IST... ooph!!! the next season has started and its time to give up sleep to give ears to some swearing...

ap said...

Reminds me of my brothers who are die hard ManU fans.. :)

Yes there was a time when I used to accompany my dad for the federation cup matches,to watch the men in action-goali Chacko
Joe Paul Anchery,Satyan,Vijayan and later on Pradeep,Asif Saheer etc etc ...

But I was never a football was always cricket...

Pooja Nair said...

Yeah they served beer at the match. In Colombo they also serve beer at movie theatres!!!! :)

starry said...

I grew up watching my brothers play football(soccor)and I love the game.

Salil said...


Yeah, I used to follow football in my younger days, the days of East Bengal and Mohan Bagan (even before Kerala Police became a force to reckon with), when Babu Mani and Vikas Panji used to be the best players and when Nehru Trophy with USSR, China, Hungary, Italy used to happen in India.

Wouldn’t even qualify as a feather weight boxer’s dumbbell :-)


PS : Does Santosh Trophy happen these days?

freespirit said...

That was a fun read :)

Football is interesting to me only for the hunks that play the game :D. Jokes apart, its more appealing than watching a slow n dead cricket match. Being a club supporter only adds to the fun!

And good lord, did i hear 'Jo Paul Anchery'. He is a relative :D. Finally i get to boast! At last God's getting me fame!

Usha said...

that reminded me of Papa taking us along to watch football matches at the Chandrasekharan Nair stadium when we were kids.. the last and the only one I remember is a match between Kerala Police and BSF, which turnes violent.. as in, at the audience front.. what I remember most vividly is a Sardar a row ahead us, picking up his chair and swinging it around to defend himself..
That was the last time Mummy ever let us go for a football match..
the truth is, till date I have this scare of mob turning violent, everytime i even think of going for any match.. mentally affected peopleses, u c! :D someday I'll get over that!

n yeah, Dollar checks for me too!! :P

Praveen said...

hehhe...friends in college used to fight over their favourite clubs and there I was singing "FC cochin ki jai"
aa club poottiyappo aanu "arsenal ki jai" vilichu thudangiyathu..Man U fansinte kayyil ninnu adi kittiyappo athum nirthi..

on wearing football jerseys to funerals and weddings...I have this habit of wearing rock and metal t shirts wherever I go bcos I have nothing else to wear. Its only after joining work last year that I had my 1st proper shirt. Still fridays @ office are a time to display my metal manic t shirts:D

Praveen said...

btw, a surprise 4 u..
chk my blog

an award has been conferred upon u sir:)

scorpiogenius said...

I think there is an overdose of football in these parts of the world. What say?

The last Premiereship and the Champions League ended just 2-3 months back..and its started all over again! GOSH!

hehehe and I liked the Dollar Cheque