Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Historical and Geographical Secrets...REVEALED!!

Unknown to the outside world there is a story long long ago about Vasco da Gamma who got a Work Permit and arrived at Calicut in his little dingy boat...

The following excerpt from the immigration office files in Calicut reveals what transpired on that day.

Immigration Officer (as usual enjoying his parippuvada and tea): -First name?
VDG (in all Latino gallantry pose): - Vaasco!! …Amigo...
Immigration Officer (a sreesanth stare at him): - mm....Middle name?
VDG (rest one hand on the officers desk): - Da!!
Immigration Officer (furious and pointing finger at VDG): - You call me “Daa”...phaaa!!. Do you know who I am? I officer of Malabar panchayat…Pre-degree…!#%&*#!*!!

Luckily his boss Beraankutty interfered and allowed Vasco da Gamma a 3-day tourist visa, which he used for visiting Goa. Later he was deported to Portugal by Indian authorities for over-staying. Being the first to get an Indian tourist visa he was proclaimed as a hero throughout the world. The existing history books however give a doctored picture of the whole story.

The problems in the immigration office never ended there...Years later when someone from the Middle East arrived to buy some spices to make palpaysam.

Immigration Officer (as usual enjoying his pazhampori and tea): -First name?
Middle East guy (adjusting his head gear): - Sheikh
Immigration Officer (as disinterested as ever): Shake what??
Middle East guy (desperate to impress the officer): - Sheikh Tintumon
Immigration Officer: Are u nuts!! ...From which country do you come?
Middle East guy (ayyo at the officers response): - Kuwait sir.
Immigration Officer (la Sunny Deol): You ask me to wait…You wait. I don’t wait…Out of the line potta!!

After sometime Middle East guy get back in the line.

Immigration Officer (now frustrated): O’ man ...You again!!!
Middle East guy (pleading): - Sir…Oman…our neighbour...I Kuwait!!

K-YOU-double YOU...!!

Now the frustrated Immigration officer calls in the security and packs him off to Saudi…

If you thought history is interesting, there is geography, which is overwhelming... I was always interested in geography and probably the only guy in the whole school who used to find delirious pleasure in memorizing country names, capitals..etc..etc Remember the kind of kids who would sit in the front bench waiting for the teacher to ask a question…

Teacher: - Who can tell me the average rainfall in Cherrapunji?
Bespectacled Genius me (raising both hands): -Eleven thousand four hundred thirty three millimeters Sir !…
Teacher (oh..even I never knew it.. ;-P): - Very good boy...You are smart as a whip!!

I sit down proud of the precise answer. After all a welcome change from the Math class where I usually have to stand on top of the bench! Unfortunately the rest of the class used to think...”Huff…whaat a bore”

If you thought geography is boring just look at the map and behold. You can learn a lot about the people just from the names. For example…Some countries are so arrogant even when they name their country …Like what is so great about Great Britain??…even the most arrogant people like us didn’t name our state as The Great Kerala...but we did come up with a Greater Cochin!! ;-P

And there are some downright funny ones. Greenland. .hahaha…Greenery in a place where people don’t even turn green with envy!!

Some names are difficult esp. for rest of the world (I mean India). My north Indian friend insists it is “Anda artica”…”Lovely Khanna… its Antarctica!!”... But the crazy egg lover wouldn’t agree with me...

Can you believe there are countries like Burkina Faso and Honduras who have capitals like Ouagadougou and Tegucigalpa...those are some serious tongue twisters dude. (I warn you never try pronouncing in the absence of a trained medical professional)

Geography can as well be used in psychology classes. Like if you want to explain what is Inferiority complex. You can say, “It the state of emotional turmoil when a Russian asks someone from Maldives to show Maldives on a world map…”You see the amazing possibilities with geography!...

Then there are something’s that baffle me like how the American kids learn geography. Just imagine how a 10 year old kid can memorize the name of 50 states and their capitals. Probably even the American president doesn’t know it either!! Those Yankees must be real envious of kids say from Vatican...

*In some school in Vatican…*

Teacher: - Which part of our country has the highest agricultural productivity?
Maldini: - “The kitchen garden in cute Monica’s house”
Teacher: - “Bravo…son!!”
Teacher: -“Tell me who is our head of state”
Maldini: - Pope
Teacher: -“Brilliant. Now tell what is the staple food in our country”
Maldini: -“Popcorn”
Teacher: -“Amazing...Tell me who is more popular in our country...The Pope or Shakira”
The entire class in unison…”SHAKIRAAAAAAA!!”(Oh baby)

Well over the years my fascination with Geography has left me dumbfounded as well… I happened to save the phone number of a friend of mine whose name is Kanagaraj…To label it as land number I put it like…


A guy from ICELAND who was sitting near me makes out the first line and blurts...

“I have never been there before...Is it in Europe??”


“Oh...am really sorry ...Africa..eh??”


Venkatesh A.R. said...

KANAGALAND was simply superb.. i guees we shud all go there once!!
and wow, i am the first to comment.. need a treat!!

Balanarayan NT said...

kick ass post man...

PS: Did u say immigration guy was having pazhampori... hmm so this incident happened before communism heh! (no parippuvada)

PPS: I was entertained thoroughly..

: )

Mishmash ! said...

Just when I was giggling reading about "cute Monica's kitchen garden", there comes " the staple food, popcorn" and then the classic one from the iceland guy :))) Had I been sitting somewhere in a public place and reading your posts, people would have thought I am one crazy lady, for laughing out loud like this :D

Waiting for your next post.

Movie Mazaa said...


Abhi said...

Awesome post! Even i was like what u told abt the "guy sitting in th 1st bench shouting out all the answers in the geography class"! Just went back to those sweet times! Awesome info with the capitals of Burkina Faso! Also loved ur way of putting Inf Complx wth Russian and Maldives's guy!


Unknown said...

Reminded me of the good old geography quizzes in school... :-)

Zee said...

so i live opposite the embassy of " Burkina Faso "...which we didn't know existed till they opened up an embassy here....
and they said we couldn't park in front of their house....to which my hard core punju neighbour walked out and told the ambassador nose to nose "how can u tell me where i can/cannot park!!! no one's even heard of ur country!"......not related to ur post quite....but good to hear that someone's heard of the country....i was still thinking they were frauding us!!! :)

starry said...

Mathew I think you should be writing some scrips for comedy .you are hilarious.enjoyed this post.

Anonymous said...

lol.. fultoo timepass and paisa vasool post :)

Usha said...

hilarious! :))

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

I think you should help our priyadarshan chettan...give him some of your jokes...am tired watching him dub all his jokes into hindi...

really hilarious post....

Somya said...

Nice post..even Geography was one of my fave subjects(best reason coz it was the only one which I could study a day before the exams and score nicely) but still as compared to many other...just a day back a colleague of mine*a very bright female otherwise* asked me where is Arizona..I told her US- West Coast..then she asked me nahi nahi I know that..tell me which state...for a moment I was like"what to say" then I told her complete wid a wicked smile that its a state in US and its capital is Phoenix if thats what u intended to ask...

crumbs said...

Ouagadougou and Tegucigalpa!!!!
OH MY GOD!! and here I was, thinking Buffalo, and Oh-Hi-Oh where the funniest places on earth!!:D

Alexis said...

Terrific post. I am still ROTFL. And the conversations were fantastic.

srijithunni said...

Amazingly funny.. Truly enjoyed reading..! Man..! Am i envious of your sense of humour..!

P.S: I still have your tag to do, mathai.. :( will do it soon..!

Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless.!

mathew said...

Thanks bud..treat next time I meet you!!:-)

Thanks for dropping by..
And yeah it happened the day before Lenin was born! ;-P

Thanks a lot… It is lot gratifying to know that people enjoy reading my blog.


thanks a lot! ;-P

hahaha..yeah those were real fun..

it is infact more surprising to know that they have a embassy here..Is it as big as the country? ;-P

@Starry Nights
Thanks a lot..Glad that you enjoyed it..

mathew said...

thanks dude..

Thank you.. :-)

Thanks a lot..that is a flattering comment!! ;-P

Lol!! I have been such situation myself..many time on the other side too..
Geography was a favourite of mine too..maybe second to english..

yeah.Buffalo and Ohio are funny in its own way..!! there are lot of exotic names which we will find absolutely funny…

thanks Alexis…but I insist that I await a post from you!! ;-P

@Toothless Wonder
hahaha..goodness..how translators behave these days..;-P

Thank you..hope to see the tag taken..:-)

silverine said...

Really funny! That "cute Monica" was too cute :)

Dhanya said...

ROFL :) I was never good in goegraphy and so no shouting the answers..

Nanditha Prabhu said...

couldn't help laughing!
my husband asks whats wrong ? when he hears me laugh out loud....he understands when i reply its a post from mathew..:)

hope and love said...


Vadapoche said...

That was fun! real cheer up on a dull day!

Pooja Na(i)rayan said...

Havent been checking your blog for sometime. Today I open it and see what I am missing. need to hurry , I see there 3 unread postings in your blog.

Amandeep Singh said...

one cool cool post!

KiKS said...

Chekku bhai... u r the master blaster in satire blog... Keep on blasting !!!

Adorable Pancreas said...

Ask your friend if Andartica is anywhere near Anda-man. :P

Heard this the other day.
What is the difference b/w History and Geography?
Girls with good history have bad geography and the ones with good geography have bad history.
Bad one, I know. Don't kick me!

VIDYA said...

ohh mathew i have tears rolling down my cheeks now and its coza U! :-d :-d


I lovved 'oman our neighbour i kuwait'

:-) :-)

lemon said...

he he..u always crack me up man!
how do u do it?!

Still Searching said...

Hehehe! thats an awesome post! I heard about Honduras, especially after coming to the US, where its on people's vacation lists!

Kanagaland is too funny! :)) But, I didn't understand any of the mallu words.. except potta! :)

Actually your post is a very interesting insight into the usefulness of Geography and History...nice one

mathew said...

Thank you... :-)

It was sort of my fav subject..

thanks you..that�s an awesome complement..


@Jolly Roger
thanks for dropping by..glad that you enjoyed.

Hope you have fun here..

thank you..and thanks for dropping by..

hahaha..thanks dude..

@Adorable pancreas
Well..i am goin to call something else from now on..Pancreas reminds me of hospital..!!;-P

thanks a lot dudette..

oh..yeah..I have a crackin personality..thanks..;-P

@Still Searching
Yeah�heard there are awesome beaches out there..Well if you know �Potta�..I can teach you another mallu word..�Manda�..which means �oh my beloved friend�..Please call this on some mallu and have fun.. ;-P

gasmutai said...

I read all the comments; but to be frank, enikku ithu athre ishtappettillaaa... somebody said "priyadarshan"-- i'd agree; it looked manufactured... Your previous writings were the Sreenivasan line... pure satire... hope to read more on those lines :-)
again, jst my thoughts ok :-D