Desi Born Confused Desi..

Dear Mom,

I am here safe and sound… Life in a foreign land is not as bad as I thought.. Today it is three years since I left home and started working…your son is not a cutie pie anymore. Do you know that I even had one full glass of beer that too without adding any water!! …hmmmhmm…Yes Mommy!!! The kid is not a kid anymore…. ;-P

By the way I made chicken curry yesterday. But we didn’t have the tomatoes at home so I put 6-7 pieces of tamarind. And later on I did not find the chicken in the freezer too...So I put the Fish instead. It turned out quite well. The rats don’t come home anymore!

You know Mom. My roomie takes water conservation quite seriously. He has stopped taking shower…well though he stinks so…I told him that we need to conserve fresh air too…

Neways I have learned many new things. I have improved my English vocab too…My friend says…Go and get that f%*#!ing coffee from the f%*#?ing coffee machine yourself you %*#er!!!
It almost rhymes with the nursery rhymes I learned in school..Neways he told me that he would teach me more of em and make me a complete man…very helpful guy he is.

And I had a dream last night..It was very scary…about exploding bombs ,crashing aeroplanes and democracy in USA. But you know mom. Your son is brave and wouldn’t succumb easily..So I stayed awake all night so that I wouldn’t dream anymore.

Well talking of people here. The Polish folks are a pole apart from other friends I have. They are very friendly types. But the French never take a Yes for an answer they always say’ Oui’!!! And when they say it real fast it sounds like the battle cry of oarsmen in our village boat race. And never worry about the Brits mom..They are now a minority in Britain. And ofcoz there is no beerdom with Germans around …

Do you know that Uncle Jameskutty had been bluffing all this time that he was in Germany...Coz his name doesn’t even figure even in one Mallu association out here!!! I even checked with the Association of Malayalees from Kottayam who like Volleyball! (AMKV) and the ‘All Kerala Association of Engineers from Stuttgart who like Masala Dosas’ (AKAESMD)!…not even there. That is disgraceful I would say!!

Talking of places here, its quite nice. Although there is a broken wall somewhere is Berlin, which needs some serious repair…And they cant afford to a decent coat of paint for the walls so they splash all sort of colour on it and calls it Graffiti.Guess these folks don’t have enough money like us. But I figured out they make some decent cars like Porsches! But not as good as Driver Vasu’s Ambassador. Remember the last trip in it we 9 of us could comfortably sit in that. But things are quite bad here. They tie down the people up in the cars with some kind off belts!! ! Isn’t that degrading!!

Btw please tell Grandma that no one likes the T.V soaps here and you don’t get ‘Ammamanasu’ or ‘Sthreeshakti’ here…But they have more interesting ones like Desperate Housewives and MTV love chat…

Oh…and I bet Lalettan’s new movie is a hit..Isn’t it.??. No one here knows about Lalettan..Can you believe that.!! :-O The superstars here don’t know how to do fist fight and cant handle more than 2 guys in a stunt scene. Our Lalettan would have easily taken care of at least ten rowdies..Maybe these folks out here don’t get to see good movies. I have told them that I ll prove ‘Narasimham’ is way better than die another day!!

Anyways I think I have written a big letter…

Hope the chickens at home are doing well. We will roast them when I come home next time..

Love….

Family Boozness!!!

Talking of families I am envious of those big Italian Corleone families with godfathers n stuff…Just imagine the sheer pleasure of studying in a college and the power to call up your uncle (who resemble something like Luca Brasi) who is somewhere in Kozhencherry.And you say in a deep baritone voice...’I need a favour…’

I have Goosebumps when I think of achayan uncles coming in Jeeps and thrashing up all who messed with me. And the supreme protectors of their beloved nephew will make sure that no one goes unpunished after messing with me. Well unfortunately all my uncles are plain boringly peace loving…what fun man without a bit of blood spilling and slaughtering…

Neways since I cannot re-designate roles for my relatives I have to do with what I got.

One of my Dad’s brothers is an ex-serviceman. He wasn’t the General or Lieutenant or something. But he definitely send a shiver down my spine...I have convinced myself that we won that war sometime in the 70’s coz my uncle was out there in the front and he scared the shit out of the Pakis...He was so feared that even the chickens back home at our village would surrender in front of the big knife at my uncle’s command…What the hell if the Chinese gonna attack us.!!. They wouldn’t for sure capture changanassery as long as my uncle is out there! When I was a kid he was the only uncle whom I wouldn’t dare mess up with coz he believes in that quote ‘To err is human... To forgive inhuman’

And since a good number of folks are of the “spiritual” kind it creates a lot of confusion. Sometimes when the aunt come running hearing someone blurt ‘Honneyyyyyy’…She might often meet with the uncle caressing that bottle of “Honeybee”... Infact my uncle’s favorite books are ‘The Old Monk and the Sea’ and Jonathan Swift’s ‘Kingfishers’. My niece who wanted to learn guitar never got a chance to pursue her passion since she wasn’t allowed to play anything else but a bagpiper!!!My cousins were even asked to go to bed by ‘8 pm’!!!! ;-P

The real experts even can make out whether the Scotch whisky is from Palakkad or Kozhikode!!! And what more there is no soul alive in the republic of Athirampuzha who can beat them at card games...(Read errupathettu)..Sigh only if it was an Olympic event!!!

If you wonder why am rambling so much its coz my parents have a very boring teaching profession. During dinner I was always forced to eat vegetables...Never to be convinced that easily, Dad being the biology teacher starts a lecture on beta-carotene in Spinach or the cellulose fibres which are good for blood circulation and the enzymes in carrots... uh… …I would often have the spinach out of sheer boredom of listening to those details or go for the less enjoyable rebellious stance.. Dad’s was always a carrot and stick policy… But the carrot part of it was always more carrots! :-(

I see veggies are now staring at me for the disregard am showing to the vegetables.. But you have no idea about the sacrifices we are doing..

Do you know that a good percentage of the worlds greenhouse gases are produced by animals (If you don’t believe it check out.. http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/news/2006/1000448/index.html See I have done the home work!! ;-P)… The methane and ethane stuff they generate is depleting the ozone layer every day!!!!.. Be grateful that we are eating these animals for the larger good…for the larger benefit of Mother Earth!!!

See the ozone layer…melting polar ice caps..Get the picture who is takin care of all these now??.. And am deeply offended when I see veggies eating the food of our animals..Spare a though for them in the hour of crisis. ;-P

Neways rather than digressing let me get back…

I always wished I had an uncle who was a pilot. It would have been lots of fun…Just imagine having dinner with him…””We are eight hundred feet’s above sea level. Please fasten your seat belts and we shall start our dinner at twenty one hundred hours…” or someone who was a Judge and I would have to swear in the name of God every time I talk to him..!!!It would be fun when he talks about Penal codes and a nephew talks about Java codes..

Back to reality I received a call sometime back ...”Edaa cheriankunjee… verumbol chaayennu scotchinnu kaaryam marakalle!!”(Don’t forget the scotch when you are coming next time)

The game has just begun!!!!!! A peg...little joys...silly laughters...it is another day like any other day!!!

Appa..Amma...

Appa…Amma.. Small words that doesn’t give justification to enormousness it means..
In my stay abroad I see lot of old people...(the big worry in developed countries about an ageing population)..I am seeing 80-90 year old folks traveling by bus all alone...seemingly very independent and happy.. Unfortunately for many of them their best companions are the walker’s which they use or the dog which helps them cross roads…I met this Indian settled in Germany who was apparently talking about his own children. He was telling me about his son who offered that he could be put in a old age home if he wants...Gracious way of saying “Thanks for all the help papa dude..Time for you to move out”…These images reminded of my own parents..

For that matter am not a kind of son who would come home each day and say “woohooh Dad... high fives”…or hug Mom daily and tell her that she is the sweetest mom in the world…I mean I just don’t know how to say that…maybe am a bit old fashioned here ..or maybe when the did the wiring for my brain they forgot to install that “show emotion.exe ” file.. But I do understand there is something wrong when you are keeping your own parents in an old age home...

These days I call home once a week. They talk about my future...Settling down and stuff. They seem to be in a hurry to see me settled down. I was surprised to hear them talking like that when I went home last time... You know the sad part of seeing parents once in a while...They seem to age every next time. I know that they are getting old. But it becomes so evident every next time…The thinning hairline and diabetes doesn’t lie. I never felt that they were ageing when I stayed along with them. But when I see old photos it remind me of the hard truth..


These days although the calls are generally over after a talk on what I made for dinner... How my work is going on...I end up with a lump on my throat sometimes...coz the calls always ends up with a question “When am I coming back”
My parents are now staying alone. They still work. But there was always my bro or myself at home. But now I can feel the loneliness every time I call home...

Weird that the first time I went to stay in a hostel they were worried how I gonna cope up stayin away from home. It seems like the tables have changed. Am worried how they are going to face life post retirement… I understand how badly Amma want to keep in touch with me when she got herself into orkut…I couldn’t imagine Amma hold a mouse properly a few years back…

I pray that I don’t end up like many folks I see now. Where parents end up thousand miles away in a flickering webcam looking at their son for whom they sacrificed the best days of their life...

Silverine has come up with a beautiful post on how fragile life is all about...

P.S picture courtesy http://blog.freetimegears.com.tw/patrick/archives/2005_03.html

New 7 blunders of the world!!

These days I see lot of fuss about the new Seven Wonders of the World...People are going crazy over it. But I do vehemently oppose the list they have come up with…Taj Mahal doesn’t look better than my College building for sure. And they named some 'Wall' as a wonder.. Do you believe that?!!! There is a wall near my home with a poster of Panniyan Ravindran plastered on it…Why can’t it be a wonder too! And what is that so special about pyramids??.. They are actually an irritant in the beautiful Sahara landscape.. Colosseum something slightly bigger than the dilapidated well you find everywhere in Kottayam.. And what is Machu Picchu..Some kind of fish?..eh!! In protest I am bringing with my own list which is way far better than the official one..

This is one of the most ancient wonders probably as old as the dinosaurs…People from all over the world especially from Kerala have looked in awe at the most stunning grin on a human face.. The old warhorse of the hand party and his handpicked son is a treat to watch for their politicking jugglery skills...This dude is admired for his love of furniture’s especially “chairs” that generally occupy a particular room in the Kerala state assembly..

An outstanding example of niche idiotic statements and blunders. The shining jewel of American politics is unfortunately the only qualifier from Texas.. In-depth knowledge of Mesopotamian civilization is his strong point which is fairly obvious by now.. Whaddya buddy, lets have some Persian carpets for your white house too..We gonna miss you from next year..You gave us so many laughs in your press conferences!!!

Probably the only person who got richer going to prison and for sure something no one else could have pulled off with more panache…She might be Paris..But her name strikes a chord all over from Los Angeles to Kesavasdasapuram..Most likely to topple Eiffel tower as the most popular symbol of Paris..

CBSE has announced that the biology text books have to be republished after they discovered existence of the new largest mammal on land mass apparently dislodging the elephant which we all learned all these years.. Hey you can’t escape without paying your due’s to Kerala’s own Marylyn Monroe…

P.S: Apologies for not publishing full snap. The Microsoft windows cannot handle large pictures


A actor who has redefined acting and instilled emotional upheavals among the public .Posters read.. The Lawyer in as Rajni!!..The Doctor in as Rajni!!..The anti-social in as Rajni!!….I fall on your feet my BOSS!!

A sound which could attract extra terrestrial species…Last reported that NASA might be employing him soon to contact with aliens using specific frequency sound waves which even the most sophisticated sound machines are not able to generate. Although several state of the art Bose speakers were damaged when his neo-nasal frequency waves were broadcasted...Experts fear that the sound waves might bring back even the dead alive..

The average malayalee is definitely the new age wonder..This unique breed of people is a paradox..Communist at heart but his brain thinks capitalist. I have always wondered at the wanderlust malayalee whom you can find from a hospital in Scandinavia to a tea shop in Argentina. I wait for the day when all the fuel in the world is exhausted and some brilliant malayalee will come up with a fuel made from coconut oil….We zimbly rock!!

P.S.please take the post lightly..No offences meant..Cmon who blames Paris Hilton!! ;-P

P.S..I find it funny the way media writes about sporting events these days

Day 1:Sania cruises into second round of the French Open :-)
Day 2:Sania breezes into the third round of French Open :-D
Day3: Sania crashes out of third round :-(

The breeze that cruised and crashed..eh!!

The lost people......

Hamburg is a very happening place.Second biggest port in Europe..A young vibrant population…dazzling concerts..high adrenalin football matches..a thriving night life..!!
It is also famous for another reason ..Reeperbahn…The place is the second largest red light area in the world after Amsterdam..The place is a shell shocker for sure for any desi visiting the place..Instead of being a place which might be looked down upon..the place is the pride of Hamburg..The place is more of a tourist place now for the cult following it has and the heady mix of sex..liquour and rock music…Saturday nights makes this place into a wild watering hole where any apparent human inhibitions doesnt exist beyond midnight....Drugs..pyschedlic music..and trance..all extremes just concentrate in this place..Amazingly volatile place that this place has the highest concentration of Police anywhere in Germany…

If Saturday night was great for most people who come to Reeperbahn..Sunday mornings reveals the brunt..Broken beer bottles..People penniless after gambling all night…Drunk people on the floor..some still sober..some drowsy..and some awake…and some puking …Prostitutes goin back home sans their make up…The place is so strikingly disgusting and repulsive on Sunday mornings… But quite near this place..there is a small unassuming building..A statue of Mother Mary adorns the building..

3 pm..
This is when all the penniless and the downtrodden who had the cheap beer last night come to their senses..A small queue builds up near the building…People are let in batches of 75..The Mother arrives and a short prayer follows..Then the food is served..The people go back after lunch…Seemingly simple..But I am simply astonished by the determination and will power of the sister’s there…considering that.....

1.The food is given free of cost to whoever comes to the charity home..
2.The food is served to people whom we wouldn’t dare like to look twice at…
3.The people who come in are the drunkards..drug addicts..ex and current prostitutes..
4.More hurting that the sister’s know they aren’t going to change for the better and sure gonna come again..
5.No one is denied when asked for extra helpings..Simply..no one comes in and goes out hungry from this place..
6.Around 250-300 people are served food every Sunday from 3pm to 6pm..
7.The Sister’s cycle around the city checking out at bakeries for any leftover bread and rest comes from charitable people..
8.Some people mouth obscenities during prayer session(obviously lost and still drunk) which the sister’s forgive..
9.There is no conversion or rhetoric in what they..It is a slient prayer for the food.and a passage reading from the Bible..
10.They serve..pasta..salad..bacon..sauce..curd..and a packet of bread for whoever knocks the door..
11.Half the people comin in are genuinely hungry..and the rest comes in coz its free..

This place is so happy..!!!
The energy and spirit that flows was amazing..3-4 sisters from the missionaries of charity..all diminutive and simple..but with radiance of a face to which we just smile at without any reason…The power of forgiveness and charity which they embraced wasn’t that easy..Nor was the effort they put in giving food for anyone who knocks the charity home..

These guys are goin to have a crack next Saturday too..and these prostitutes are also goin to get drunk with some fatso next satuday..But for sure they gonna comeback the following Sunday..A free lunch for them.. But for the missionaries of charity .unflinching love and happiness of giving food for a hungry man!! Cheers to their spirit!!!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate-- Oprah Winfrey

Sometime in the early 80’s before insignificant event like the emergency and some Indian going to space happened, a little girl was born to a happy go lucky family…. The kid was surprisingly quiet and silent types…The Philips were worried that this kid wouldn’t speak and was always lost in thoughts in her own tiny world…
And one day the family while going for their weekend shopping saw this daughter clinging to a PC and to the joy of her parents began saying her first few words.. Incoherent though!!.blo...blo..blah..blooo..bloooooog!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And ever since she blogged for evah and evah!!!!!

Giving the laughs of our times through Poomanam and provoking thoughts through Think Pad…she is definitely the diva blogger out here…And on this special days greetings from people who cherish reading your blogs…

It happened one stormy night.

Okay..This tag from SIlverine was supposed to be some real dark murky secret blow up. But most of em escaped with their illicit flings with animate objects like dogs.or inanimate objects like trees and lamp post’s…But I aint gonna do that.. Because I am cooooool… like Rajnikanth!!!!

First kiss..

Being the metro sexual dude I am, I don’t remember when I started kissing.. I was always the irresistible hunk from the day I was born. I remember the nurse gushing over me when I was lying down stark naked in the maternity ward of a hospital in Kottayam… But I waved the nurse a goodbye.. coz it is not legally allowed to do ‘it’ in our country until you are 14…

During my teenage I was literally suffocated with all the girls in school trying to kiss me.. C’mon it isn’t my fault that I was born as the piece de Greek god!!! But since I have to neway explain my first kiss. I ll admit that it happened quite recently..My close buddies who know me very well, I am sorry I dint tell you about this before…I lost my kissirginity!!…

It was summer in Hamburg and therefore an unbearable 20 degree Celsius…On that moonlit night..near Alster lake…I was watching the birds and the weekend crowd gathering around..That day after my regular work out in the gym I found that I had actually 8 packs instead of 6 packs which normal gym regulars have…I couldn’t sit on the plastic chairs near the lake fearing that I might damage them with my hard well toned muscles..How difficult life is for a well built hunk..sigh!!!

I was initially startled seeing a lady in saree in this foreign land. She was a holding a book. I just managed to have a glimpse on the title..’Midnight’s…’..err never mind…
Well as soon as she came near me her eyes got transfixed on me. Well it wasn’t happening to me for the first time and I ignored the glance. But there was something that particular moment which stuck me. There was this lady in her late 20’s or early 30’s wearing a very colorful Indian dress amongst the sea of white drab faces. I suddenly found that she was indeed beautiful. Then it was an instant chemistry. Almost like sulphur in water..Suddenly we found ourselves inches from each other. It was a kiss without a reason. Absolute bliss…

I grabbed her svelte necks and lifted her. She gasped for oxygen…oops the sorry part of having extra powerful muscles…I dropped her and we kissed passionately for another 23 minutes. Suddenly she asked whether I had a mobile phone with me.

She dialed some guy in Dubai and muttered something in Hindi..

“You are a satanic…”

And in a rage she threw away the book she was holding in the lake..Padma and I couldn’t bear to live without each other. We have decided to get married at Vaikundom kalyanamanadam..West fort..Trivandrum..All are cordially invited.

P.S: Although trivial the book she threw away was “Midnights children”
Her second name is Lakshmi…

In honor of those who have already lost their kissirginty..I dedicate this favourite song for you..