Tuesday, September 08, 2009


Oh dear !!
when you are near
Aint no fear.

Oh beer!!
You are
so dear
Bring on more cheer!!

My beloved beer, I sometimes get so overwhelmed emotionally when I sing the song that it leaves me in tears. Beer has always been a lager than life figure for me… My dear friends, today I would like to share with you the qualities of a beverage that makes life all the more meaningful…all the more purposeful…People say some times the existence of sun, rainbows, flowers…. are signs that God exists…But like someone said I feel the same when I see a mug of chilled beer….

Even in biblical passages the importance of beer has been elaborately described as you know from a wedding which happened at Bishop Pereira hall in Galilee….Several barrels of water were converted to nectarous beer by the Lord when there was a shortage of beer at the reception party…Though the French might argue it was wine, its quite obvious that it was beer since the incident happened at Cana from where the can beer originated. Moreover archeologist have recently discovered ancient mugs with a kingfisher label on it disapproving the skeptics.

Nevertheless let me explain to you the influence of beer in contemporary times…esp. in Germany where I currently stay and more importantly coz Germany and Beer are like Bread and Butter or say BJP and Jinnah !!

Any self-respecting beer aficionado would admit that the best beer in the world comes from Germany and its influence in the social fabric of this wonderful country is paramount…burp!! Due to the terrific social security coverage provided here, every new born in Germany is entitled to 6 mugs of beer every day from the day he/she is born. A vital nourishment of necessary proteins, carbohydrates and vitamins during the growing phase of a child…And unlike in India, employees are immediately dismissed if they are found attending office without the influence of beer which is considered gross violation of office ethics. Beer is also the medium of a barter exchange system which has been followed in Germany for several years...Roughly speaking, 3 barrels of good quality Bavarian beer can fetch you a Porsche 911….It was only a few months ago Lufthansa offered me a ticket to India in exchange for a case of beck’s beer. Advanced society it is, but unknown to the outside world is the bane of this country….the dowry system which is deeply rooted in the german psyche…Parents of poor german Heidi Klums have to work hard in the best days of their life to save euros for one beer brewery and a pair of lederhosen …the often acceptable dowry for a young Wolfgang!!…

The german beer is also famous for its excellent nutritive qualities….Consumption in large quantities can increase the intelligences of humans manifold…For e.g.…history has shown that Albert Einstein derived the formula e=mc² during one such binge drinking sessions at a beer hall in Munich….Renewed interest by researchers have lead scientists to notice that a Indian who has been residing in Germany for past 3 years(for privacy reasons person chooses to remain anonymous) started exhibiting remarkable intelligence previously never noticed…. Scientist in his home country and his parents especially consider it as a miracle of sorts… Press reporters contacted the brother of the alleged genius and they could only decipher a furious person shouting...”schmuck!!!!!!!!!”

To mark this event, the German chancellor has recently announced plans to honour another Indian Mr. Mallya for spreading the cheer across the world…He would be honored with a doctorate at the University of Potsdam for noteworthy contributions to the general state of bliss in people around parts of Asia….In a touching speech Angela Merkel told the press that she was so chilled to meet the Kingfisher from India and wished him good times in the years to come. As a reciprocatory humanitarian gesture Mr. Mallya spend several hours at a Kindergarten near Berlin narrating witty stories of Beerbal and AkBAR to the thrilled kids …

Talking about other influences of beer, its an integral part of the german cuisine … German Kanji which is basically rice soaked in beer and allowed to ferment overnight is a delicacy in this part of the world…smells wonderful the next day!!. This is though served only on celebratory occasions like demise of a mother-in-law or a divorce!! Beer is also very good if you are interested in indo-german cooking…One of my favorite indo-german meal is sausage thoran with rice and sambhar cooked in beer…Well if you want to be a tad adventurous you could try beer payasam too...Though I have never tried it coz I don’t experiment too much with recipes..

Nevertheless, it is heartening to see the benefits of beer touch lives in Germany…though sometimes knocking over….In the field of sports…street fights….and even medicine!! Beer is administered using intravenous fluid injections to treat cancer, AIDS, swine flu and cardio vascular diseases bringing care to millions of sick people….Devotees swarm at Munich every October to pay homage and take a dip in a barrel of beer which is supposed to have therapeutic effect to the mind and soul. I hope to make it one day….

It is unfortunate that there are many non-believers in the world whose anti-beer propaganda is causing deep anguish in us….And what all they say…. beer belly…whisky is better….beer smell is a turn off….blasphemy!! well what shall I say …

Grab a beer…or rather get a life!!

Prost!! :-)
p.s pic courtesy www.demandstudios.com


wanderlust said...

Hick, hick, hilarious...
Here is to more chilled out years during which your intelligence grow by leaps and bounds and we get to read more posts like this.

Keep going..err..gulping, Mathew.

Anonymous said...

Dude I think u took it too literally wen I sd I m lukng forward to a post on Oktober fest !!!
Anyways as always ur post rejuvenated me from a post lucnh slump.....
Cheers to Chekku "the King of Goodtimes" ....

Arun Meethale Chirakkal said...

What a wonderful paean to beer. Cheers. Heiniken is German, right? I never had it, I prefer the Australian; ‘Fosters’. And the Nietzsche quote, that’s fabulous. In Mangalore, where I live now, there’s a pub called ‘Froth on Top’ (Can you think of a better name for a pub?) It’s like heaven with its’ old world charm, retro beer ads, and beautiful line arts on the walls done so tastefully with a tinge of humour. And man, the chilled tap beer supplied in a glass pitcher there…haaa…life simply makes a lot of sense.

You might’ve heard about the ‘Buffalo Theory’. In case you haven’t here it’s:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
The buffalo theory is concrete proof that getting drunk is good for your intelligence

thomas said...

"Work is the curse of the drinking class" ~Oscar Wilde ;)

Pooja Nair said...

Hic! :)

scorpiogenius said...

3 Cheers for the post!

Heiniken Zindabad!
Budwiser Zindabad!
Carlsberg Zindabad!
and Kinffisher Zindabad!

Hi fi to all the beer fans of the world! *cheers* :))))))))

mathew said...

prost………… :)
hey…I though I was already intelligent….and it has reached the pinnacle…;-D
thank you…:-D

haha…this one was in the drafts for sometime…and that you said it I did not really wait for Oktoberfest….. :-D
Let the doctor tell you….when you make up in the morning drink beer instead of coffee….it helps you avoid the medical phenomena called post lunch slump…..coz you would be slump-ing post breakfast itself!!!! :-P

thank you….and hey Heineken is not German….I think its dutch beer….Though its one of those beers I like, its not my favourite….I have a soft corner for german and Czech beers…nothing beats em!!! ;-D

And hey…from what I have heard Fosters is the beer which no Australian would recommend to drink..infact its just a well marketed beer….Pinee I really don’t feel like having a beer in Mangalore unless I have decent company..some like Muthu bhai… ;-P

Yeah…I know the buffalo theory…:-P

@Oscar Thomas
Sometimes you do come up with pearls of wisdom…. :-P

hic hic…:)
Now you know what I need if I ever visit Colombo… :-D

No German beer in the zindabad….. :(
Okay....though am happy to Budweiser….:-P

Cheers to all beer fans…… of the India……. of the Kerala…das ist wunder-bar…hic…hic…….*collapses on the floor*

Praveen said...

naanamillatha kudiyan :P
enthayalum sambhavm kollaam :D
njan jeevithathil ithu vare 3 glass beere kudichituulooo

Divs said...



Venkatesh A.R. said...

jai bolo beer kee! :)

Prasoon said...

Beer n Germany are like BJP and Jinnah? :D
You know, you are 'awesome' at humor. Quit the company sir and start off something else for a living!

Nona said...

Definitely, an apt curtain raiser for the Oktoberfest. Enjoy the cheer with beer.

Ordinary Guy said...


loved this.... and there is nothing better than a chilled beer on a hot day.........


I wish I could be there in germany for the beer fest, hmmm, maybe someday!!!

Ashwathy said...

i second OG in this one... that was one classic post!!!

hurrah for beer and all men who love it! i personally am not particularly inclined to it. but i know men who are... and i've seen their happiness for it. so live and let live :P

Annie said...

Not bad. Hope this way ambrosia can be idle for any number of days.

mathew said...

haha..actually I enjoy the german beer due to the nutritious value. :-I

cheers buddy!!:-)

eu tu brutus..:-O

@ Prasoon
hehe…thanks buddy…I hope none from the company is reading that..:-P

@ Nona
thanks a lot…:-D

@Ordinary Guy
oh..angane onnum illa..even on a cold day..:-P

@ Ashwathy
LOL!! Men having happiness for it..:-P

I know …been too lazy there…will sure come up with a post soon…after all this too comes under ambrosia…:-P

Sree said...

lol omg!i wish, but i never will understand this love. sigh.

Saira said...

Hey,I couldn't find an option to post a comment on your post about your Aunts Blog.so I am left with no other choice rather than put it here.Read all her posts at a stretch...Don't know how to express it in words.Thanx For Sharing Such a Rich Experience!

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

how would u rate kingfisher vis a vis german beer?

sujata sengupta said...

I quite like Heinekin myself, have a blast at the Oktfest cheers to lots of beer minus the belly!!

Jayadev said...

Excellent stuff - saw your link on Wanderlust's page.. I always said "Beer is best!" So I appreciate the promo campaign you are running.


mathew said...

hehe...it is a experience understood by only a few chosen ones...;-D

thank you..my aunt would be thrilled to hear it...I ll let her know!!:-)

@Kochuthresiamma chechi
hic hic..well by the by...Drinking Kingfisher is like watching a Shaji Kailas movie...and drinking german beer is like watching a Padmarjan movie..;-P

I like Heiniken too..but then it dutch..the real ones are german and czech...;-P


hahaha...well you made this into a campaign..;-D
should i add the customary ..in excess quantities are injurious to...

thanks for visiting the blog!;-)

Ashwathy said...

ok that was for lack of a better word :P
i was meaning something along the lines of inclination.. or addiction perhaps? :D

Happy Kitten said...

LOL.. too good..

nd German Kanji.. is it your creation or does something similar exist :)

nd here in Kuwait they have all the big names in Beer; but with 0.005% of alcohol:)

flaashgordon said...

Too good. Made me crave for beer on a Monday morning :-)

nimmi said...

Is german kanji ur staple fud there ?:-p
I am imagining ppl being served german kanji ..with beer flavoured payar :) ewwww

Vinod said...

Great post Dude. A pot belly is free to collect sooner or later.

Anonymous said...

LMAO,that was hilarious.Me and my colleagues had a good laugh after reading it.
Oh dear !! when you are near Aint no fear. ROFL, that was classic :D
@ Bishop Pereira hall in Galilee.....ennalum veenghu beer akendatirunnu(kidding):D
i would like to add some more medicinal benefits of beer
For digestion - one can of chilled bear after food on every night
For Fever -- one glass of beer with one spoon of pepper
in between did u see Beer feast

Radhika Ganesan said...

German Kanji served only on celebratory occasions like demise of a mother-in-law or a divorce!!

Hillarious ! ;)

Preeti Shenoy said...

Who are we, mere mortals, to deny what Nietzsche and Mathew say! :)

BJP and Jinnah anology was creatively unique! :)

Cheers! Or shall I just say


Sreejith Kumar said...

Is there a place for an abstainer to comment? :) Fantastic post!

The Holy Lama said...

Cheers! By Bacchus for thuh heavenly drink. Only your creativity has more kick.

GS said...

Hey man, blog something .. Your blog is one of the things that kept me in perspective. Are you busy with chicken soup?

mathew said...


@ Happy Kitten
ofcoz that was figment of imagination….0005% alcohol…haa….i think here if you buy plain water you might have atleast 1 % alcohol..:-P

@ flaashgordon
hehe..in the morning?.;-P

@ nimmi
lol!! Might be delicious..am assuming..;)


@ anishthomas
thanks a lot buddy..;)
your medications can create a revolution..;-P

thank you..;)

lol!!! Amen amen..;)

@ Sreejith
what does a abstainer mean? ;-P

@The Holy Lama
lol!!! Thanks a lot dude..

that’s quite a humbling statement…no not busy with any chicken soup.. ;)