Wednesday, April 08, 2009

I gotta learn to say…TGIM!!

‘A Mac burger with extra cheese!!!’

Blistering barnacles….thundering typhoons!!! Necks turned when I placed the order at Burger King.
Every one seems to have a graffiti painted on their face… that said...


I was ordering the unthinkable in times of recession when people are cutting costs in every possible way… At hospitals, doctors are using Wilkinson Sword blades for bypass surgeries, administering steady feed of Pink Floyd songs instead of anesthesia and prescribing mentos for life saving drugs…In Bollywood, Himesh Reshamiyya agreed to act in a silent movie and the news was greeted with deafening applause….And at the International space station they have cut the oxygen supply yesterday to observe ‘space hour’…

As you see the world over people are gripped with fear anticipating the great depression…Unlike the depression over Bay of Bengal which our newsreaders religiously say without fail every time it rains, this is indeed global in nature. So global that even places which until now believed a financial crisis was something like a calculator gone kaput suddenly found their well oiled-industry looking at the bottom of the barrel. Literally!!

Nevertheless what was termed as an audacious act of frugality, the Arab sheikh set a precedent by using silver spoons for dinner instead of custom-made de beers gold cutlery. Inspite of the apparent difficulty in adjusting to a simpler lifestyle, the Sheikh vouches that SACRIFICES have to be made and he was willing to make such compromises for a noble cause. The Gulf times though reported that nearby Arab kingdoms expressed disgust at the sheikh’s ‘inhuman’ act of stripping Rolls Royce privileges from his favorite camel. The camel is apparently in a state of shock and doing what it does best…chew its gum!

Atleast my academic source of information i.e. rediff where I often see the world’s biggest experts (Nobel Prize winners included) come down to discuss all topics under sun gave me valuable insights on the phenomena called recession. For the uninformed, this site is a reference book of haute couture in swear words and most discussions end up giving historical perspective of Indo-Pak ancestry. Though few weeks ago to my utter horror, I actually saw a sensible observation in the website...

“In times of recession, the most commonly employed technique is to cut down production. Fewer cars and fewer apartments are made now in lieu of lesser demand”

So true when I poignantly thought about the remarks from my uncle in kottayam who said that even hens in his farm are laying fewer eggs these days taking cue from market trends…It doesn’t now surprise me that the omlette I made last week was missing the bull’s eye!! Well it is regrettable that I initially suspected my roommate for that.

Its however heartening to note that malayalees have embarked on a mass movement on thrifty spending of water and electricity in these troubled times. The brandy is now usually taken dry by vast majority of conservation activists and the last major shock that someone received in the state did not come from an electric line and rather from spotting a Member of Parliament!! Apparently the species was thought to have been listed as extinct and astronomy enthusiasts could never spot it over past 5 years!!

But the people most affected by recession are us…the average foodie…Have you noticed that Ananda Bhavans and Sukh Sagar vadai’s are now more like Nano- vadai’s... and the only topping which you get in pizza’s these days are salt and pepper. And above all have you noticed that even mighty kingfisher airlines now offer only a jet lag’er as complimentary!

Dear People, these are definitely signs of a crisis…

You can throw in an Obama, a Sarkozy, a Brown and a Jintao and all you could make out would be a kitschy sounding rock band called The JOBS which may not go well the public this time of the year! Moreover such a band would probably be banned for alleged use of expletives in lyrics like “black” “Money” ”hidden” ”accounts” in the country where music matters the most…Switzerland!!

That’s why in that G20 when Obama said CHEESE during the photo-op, the furious Swiss farmer at the border who overheard him replied..

‘No cheese for your damn sick burger…chief!!’

Poor Obama was inconsolable..

But, maybe after all there might be a positive side to it…coz when a friend of mine told that someone by the name Dow Jones has ‘reacted sharply’ and ‘bounced back’, I said how happy I was for Mr. Jones and asked him to pass on my get well soon message. And my friend said I will be a failure at finance for life…

It reminds me of what I told dad when I was a kid and failed in math…

‘’Dad….Failure is the stepping stone to success”

And he said …” Though it seems by each passing year you have gathered enough to fill the Grand Canyon!!”

Hmm...well no harm in trying…………isn’t it? ;-P

*Thank God its Monday…

P.S. Wishing you all in advance a Happy Easter !!

Listening to My Name is Nobody OST.


Amal Bose said...

that was simply awesome..

Schaan said...

Hey great post mate. Just the antidote I was looking for fighting mid-week blues.
BTW was the any honorary award bestowed for being a true follower of burger king at this time of crisis?
They may post your pic in front of their joint "He still orders extra cheese, do you?"

Abhi said...

Ammo kidilam.

Loved this "Himesh Reshamiyya agreed to act in a silent movie and the news was greeted with deafening applause". Wish we could see this in real life :)

Happy easter to you too :D

How do we know said...

wow.. laughed all the way thru this one.. too coolllllll

Timeless Memories - My Bygone ! said... that was too good..

mathew said...

@Amal Bose

wow..nice to know that my blog helped in fighting mid-week blues. :-)
hehe..yeah..though am not actually a fan of burger king..

oh…many people wish the same..:-D

@ How do we know
thanks a lot..:-)

@ Devil Incarnate

Bindhu Unny said...

I can't stop smiling ear to ear.

Wish you a Happy Easter. :-)

skar said...

ROFL post man! Especially bull's eye thoughts! =))

I actually saw a sensible observation in the website...

“In times of recession, the most commonly employed technique is to cut down production. Fewer cars and fewer apartments are made now in lieu of lesser demand”

Not true.

Varsha Vipins said...

Haa..that was cool n hilarious..Poor Obama must have got broken..:D I seriously doubt the point of laying eggs,when they dont have the bulls the pain..:D:D
BTW,you can count me in for the extra cheese club..n a pizza with lotsa toppings in my Will-O'-the-Wisp..:D:D

thomas said...

Hehe, typical mathew post!! :))

Happy Easter to you too!

Nona said...

Good writing. Good to see a humorous take on the recession. I have been seeing enough depressing rants about the same lately. :) Still smiling...

Dhanya said...

ayyooo ROFL..:)
Happy Easter to you :)

Gymnast said...

Tough to smile away recession , with with people losing jobs by the dozen and unemployment on the high among fresh graduates.But this post did put a smile on my face.
By the way , centuries since i had extra cheese on anything , extra cheese = extra calories

mathew said...

thank you..and wishing you the same..

I know..:-D

I dont dare look at that picture now..esp at dinner time..;-P

thanks bud..

hmm..yeah true that in real life its not as funny..

thanks and wishin you the same..:)

yeah..i fully understand it coz my bro has just finished his studies too..
btw who talks about calories here..;-D
thanks for droppin here..

ap said...

Do we get a MacBurger from Burger King ???

gud one :)

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

a tintin fan?