Airlines as we all know would cease to exist in the year 2555 A.D. Reasons are aplenty. Fuel is getting scarier and even the Arab sheikh’s talk about being “frugal” (recently introduced in Arab dictionary). Flying was getting dangerous and many other things as seen below from the extract of a science class of year 2751 A.D.
“These models on page 32 are from archives of our ‘Ancient modes of transport’. The specimens showed here called Airbus A340 and Boeing 747 was popular during the late 20th century. A special now-extinct kind of liquid called aircraft fuel was used to lift these instruments in space and transported humans across oceans. Our science teacher’s great great grandmother was one of the last few who flew in these devices and the ‘boarding pass’ framed in the principal’s antique gallery was the pre-requisite to enter these flying devices. They were operated by companies like....ahem… (Students go to page 46 naming list of outdated companies). Yes, AIR INDIA which primarily depended on hot air to carry it forward, Kingfisher airlines (which initially explored possibilities of making fuel out of Beer), AIR DECCAN (which pioneered the use of parts from old refrigerators, radios and television sets to fabricate airplane spare parts), Air France which was known to have aerodynamically shaped air hostesses and Air China fabricated entirely out of plastic.
But what finally stopped the airline industry was the fares which as we see from a sample ticket below in the early 21th century.
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AIR DRACULA
…..We squeeze to the Last Drop!!!
Fly with us for our special offer of 1 million tickets sold for 1 rupee.
Ticket price One Rupee ONLY!!!*
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*Additional charges (font size 3) (reproduced in a bigger font in the blog for the benefit of the elderly.)
Airport taxes fees and other charges we mention separately just for the heck of it
1000 rupees
Insurance charges
Its safe to fly with us, but you know maybe a loose screw somewhere. You get the point right? We gladly accept 500 rupees for your insurance.
Weight levy
If the passenger weighs more than 75 kilos surcharge of 200 rupees apply
If the passenger weighs more than 100 kilos surcharge of 400 rupees apply
If the passenger weighs more than 125 kilo we offer special discounts in our cargo service.
Food surcharge
Unsold biscuits and peanuts which we repack and give it to you attracts additional charge of 25 rupees
Tissue charge
Passengers requesting for wet tissues are charged an additional 50 rupees.
Pilot’s happy hour allowance
This is a voluntary charge levied on passengers for a verbal assurance from the Pilot that he wouldn’t fall asleep during the flight even though he had 8 beers the previous night.
Air hostess house keeping allowance
This is a voluntary charge levied on passenger for a verbal assurance from the air hostess that they make sure the above pilot is after all awake
Airport ground handling Coolies federation(AGHCF)
Again voluntary. Reason’s unknown.
But the federation slogan is “Do you miss something in your baggage?”
Special charges
Pregnant ladies would be charged for two.
Special offer!! 1 month pregnant ladies are given a 25% wavier
First to disembark surcharge
Passengers wishing to disembark first on landing could avail this service for a surcharge of 250 rupees.
Aircraft Loo Frequent User card
On paying a surcharge of 100 rupees you don’t have to wait at the toilet in our long haul flights. Pay 200 rupees and be our Gold class frequent user card.
Air traffic controller’s wives’ welfare association fund
This will go for the honorable cause of a special manicure class arranged for the ATCWWA arranged by L’Oreal. Donate and take part in this noble cause.
Duty for goods purchased from duty free shops
5% of the cost of goods purchased
Flight announcement surcharge
For providing passengers valuable information on altitude, pressure and humidity somewhere above you don’t know where.
Flight entertainment systems levy
We charge 50 rupees for a movie.
Special documentary videos from Animal planet like "The Wild Lok Sabha Park " are free.
Your total fare is 18000 rupees.
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15 years ago
