Wednesday, January 24, 2007

kochu kochu mandatharangal!!

I have made blunders. I still make blunders. And I have immense self-confidence that I will henceforth make more blunders. Tough isn’t it to have such consistency these days when our cricket team is the only other thing that has such has splendid consistency…needless to mention of losing with such élan.

The other day while having lunch with German colleagues another one of my usual blunder happened. Being a pure non-vegetarian I was having ‘turkey’ for lunch. For gyan the Germans call it ‘Puten’. That was the only thing non-vegetarian, which looks edible to me in the sea of ‘straight-from-the-slaughter- house ‘ beef, pork and other assorted meat products. Neways rather than digressing let me come to the point. While having lunch we have a habit of discussing some global hot topics to mundane home stories... be it about Paris Hilton or Condoleezza Rice. And on this particular day the big senseless discussion was about the radiation poisoning that happened to the Russian spy.

Unfortunately for me on this day, I devoted myself to enjoying the meal and rather than showing off my grasp over all the world matters…Therefore rather ignorant of how the discussion was progressing I was quietly savoring my ‘turkey’ dish. And it happened that suddenly this chap asks me.’ So...What’s your opinion of Putin??’…Hey for me that fleecing moment, ‘Puten’ the turkey had a more significant presence in mind than ‘Putin’ the president. And what do you say when someone asks something like that?

‘ Pute(i)n is absolutely delicious...though is not hot enough for me.’

When I turned sideways after replying, I saw the one of the most puzzled look I have ever seen. Just like how Prez Bush looks like when he is absolutely clueless when asked about Iraq.

Likewise in the first few days in Germany I was puzzled when people used to say ‘choose’ every evening while I was going home after office hours. Dude, if you have to ask someone to choose something…you must offer something. But here I found all of em just asking me to choose something from thin air.
I hurried to my Indian colleague to ask if is some age-old German custom or gimmick to ask someone to choose something from nowhere, just for the heck of it. Finally gyan prevailed that ‘chuuse’ is how they say goodbye in German!!

Next day I had a field day blurting ‘chuooose’ the musical way they say..

It further reminds me of my Italy trip in which a colleague of mine went into a restaurant asking for directions to the town of Pisa. Only to be showed some delicious pizzas in the shelf. This guy has sworn to rely on maps further on…

After many experiences it was decided to rely on sign language to convey when you don’t know how to speak Italian. Some research in some god-forsaken university had proved that gestures could communicate a lot. They had found out that 78.32% percentage of ideas could be conveyed just by good body language. Digressing let me tell you that my employer gives me 1.67 leaves per month as per policy. How sweeter can it get! Maybe 1.67325 leaves per month sounds mathematically sexier!!!Swear on the guy who taught them the decimals?

Coming to the point my friend who was staying in a hotel in Florence went to the receptionist to check whether he can make a call. The skillful and elaborate gestures he made and the receptionist immediately understood exactly what he meant. My friend swears that he saw a bulb lighting up in her head (the kind you see in cartoons when ideas click) when she nodded that she understood everything he gesticulated She came back with a hair dryer and handed over gleefully to this friend of mine. So much for what the research says!

And many things still amuse me here. This buddy of mine who still thinks it is cool to come late for meeting apparently forgets that Germans have a penchant for precision and make sure things happen on time. They apparently grudge if people don’t respect time. They infact get impatient when the train is late by a few seconds. But this chap used to seeing apna Jammu Tawi express running late by days thought things work desi style here as well.

His German boss by now knew how slack our Indian friend was in reaching office on time. And one day he decided to give him a hint. So the conversation goes like this..

Mr. Schulz: Hope you are aware of the meeting at 10.30 tomorrow

Indian friend: With a sly smile. Ofcoz Mr. Schulz.I have marked it in my calendar.

Mr. Schulz this time in a baritone voice and damn serious.10.30 in the morning to be precise!!!

Now apna friend dint look cheerful like before!!!!

And some days back while standing in the bus stop a conversation happened between two guys both heavy smokers. Let say call them Marlboro Kings and Davidoff Wills.

Wills puffing vigorously.”Hey Kings… am concerned about the increasing pollution.esp in public places..”
Kings nodding sympathetically...”Yeah..David..Something should be done to stop this”
Wills..”I hate the non smokers who cough all the time around us”
Kings endorsing Wills and patting on his shoulders...”Bob. I wish the government does something to stop the noise pollution they cause”

neways things running as usual for me.I saw snow for the first time recently..Was so excited about it..I found it odd that people dint go berzek seeing snow..I was all fired up and enjoyed the moment!!

I am having blunderful times here...And I expect even more blunderful incidents to talk about..maybe when I become a old grumpy man I might write a book.’Mein Blunders’ :-)

22 comments:

starry nights said...

Interesting post , we all learn from blunders.I am sure the face on the german was priceless when you told him that puten was notto0 hot foryou.

Jiby said...

blunder on man...i assure u nothing will be better than the laughs u can have later on with a wealth of such anecdotes!

good post bro...havent had such a refreshingly funny read in quite a while!

Cuckoo said...

Good read.

Wow !! Snowfall !! Tell me how you felt ? When I saw (experienced ) it first time.... ummmm that was amazing. :)

Nariyal Chutney said...

Blunderful times Happens even in India mathew :) not only in Germany.

During my initial days in Chennai , I was pretty confused about the roads and in a turning I asked one of the guys (whom i assumed was a Tam) on the roadside

Me:Adayar Eppadi Pokum ?
Guy: He gives me a puzzled look
Me: Kathu Kelkkatha Aalano. Adayar Eppadi Pokum?
Guy: Ithile Poyal Mathi. Nannayittu Kathu Kelkkam .

The guy was a Mallu and I escpaed with a sheepish grin. So the blunderful things happen once in a while ,so that we can laugh about it later :).

P S: Waiting for more blunders from Foreign land

silverine said...

Hilarious!!

"‘ Pute(i)n is absolutely delicious...though is not hot enough for me.’" ROFLMAO this took the take!!!

he he real nice post, I am def buying "Mein Blunders"!!! :))

mathew said...

@starry nights

Ofcoz he was shell shocked!:-P
and i was embarassed after realising it!

@Jiby

Nice to see you here..ofcoz am relishing all blunders!!How are ur preps going?

@Cuckoo

Savored the moment..felt almost child like and couldnt hide the excitment..I cant wait to throw snowballs at others!!

@Nariyal Chutney..

first of all due ur user name gets me hungry...some kinda torture..eh? :-P

that was too good..such incidents happen very often in blore..with so many malayalees around such blunders are common place!!

@Silverine

But the German took sometime to understand the blunder..I was frowned upon for sometime.!!

And by the way I was inspired by vazhakulam incident to post this!! :-P

priya said...

Mathew: We learn from our day today activities and even language. If we make bludner, we learn better. Bravo!!!!

silverine said...

have blogrolled u at Poomanam..any objections? Hire a lawyer :p

Synapse said...

ROTFL

mathew said...

@priya

yeah..it makes me living all the more spicier!!

@Silverine

gracias!!!am honoured!!thanks..

I will sponsor a Mont Blanc pen..er a reynolds pen for you!!!! :-P

@synapse

:-P

Cinderella. said...

I'm definitely gonna get myself a 'Mein Blunders' too...Rotfl...!!!
A genuinely 'lol'able read in a long while !!!!!!
Ha ha....

Alexis said...

That was a really hilarious post. Keep them coming. And the Puten episode was priceless:-)

How do we know said...

Mathew.. this is a super hilarious post!! Never thought u'd grow a super sense of wit and humour in Germany.. Lage Raho!!

Sasi Kumar said...

nice post, eagerly awaiting Mein blunders. .. :-)

flaashgordon said...

hehe Matthew, that was too good!! I liked the Putin one the best

If u notice, onsite trips are treasurehouse of anecdotes..i have a few already- was plannin to make a post on it soon...
keep posting

cheers
flaash

mathew said...

@cinderella

thanx..guess it could provide inspiration for all to blunder around!!

@Alexis

:-P I rarely talk about russians these days after that!! :-P

@how do we know

circumstances maketh a man!! :-P

@Sasikumar

thanx man.hehehe.a copy for you too!!:-P

@flaash

nice to see you here man..was checkin ur blogs ocassionally..wanna see one of ur blockbuster posts..u must have enough anecdotes by now!! post one buddy..

jac said...

kochu kalla !!

VIDYA said...

Its soooo much of time 2 post a comment here....:-p (stickin tongue out) ...{mentioning ths coz my frnd thought it ment 'party time' LOL.}



ok ..now i frgtn wat i wanted 2 comment...and my previous attempt of commenting was an utter failure coz i had 2 close the window aftr nothin apeared on it even aftr 10 mins ...

:-d

iam done with the cribbing.. LOL..

chooose!!

Mishmash ! said...

That was hilarious:) I will be here to read more of your "Blunderful" stories :))

Btw, Thanks for dropping by my space :)

Shn

Shikha said...

You've just given me so much of a relief. I thought I was the only one having a ball with blunders, left, right and center.

The 'choose' thingy had me puzzled too btw :D...till I asked my Indian friend and he explained it to me. And yes, the first day I landed here, I was asked (while trying to savor a chicken dish) how many nuclear power plants there are in India. And that was one time the bulb didn't light. I replied: "Nuclear testing? ... oh, ya, we do a lot of nuclear testing...You must hv heard of Pokhran?". The guy looked at me puzzled and then said: "No, you didn't understand. I was asking about Nuclear power plants". ... Well, wud be enuf to say that for a second I just wanted to dissolve into the earth, esp. under the quizzical stare of all the Germans sitting along with me. :D

Shakhi said...

Had a good laugh over the blunders...
You have written so much since I last was able to visit this place and since I want to read all your posts....Am feeling really worked up...so let me continue now....have fun...

Chathankeril said...

I love your writtings.... It's Gods gift. I feel envy on you.