Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A'men to the creations!

Recently like all civil responsible condoler’s, I paid a visit to a tragedy struck friend of mine at his home. Sporting a gloomy black suit and deep in mourning, he looked quite distraught and shaken. So was I when I saw the relic house of his that resembled some sort of archaeological site and an insect park rolled into one. The solemn mood prevented me from offering him a realistic proposition to declare his house as a wild life protected area. As people of remarkable intellect (which means people who read this blog) will interpret that this friend has a strong allergy towards hygienic surroundings. However on this day, there were his friends who had come over to share his moment of grief. Well as a matter of fact I had not even prepared any condolence message and was feeling a bit awkward facing a shattered man.

“Reghu…I am so sorry for you…It was Jeev who called me up yesterday and told me…”

“Thanks for coming man…It’s just that, I never expected it to happen so soon. I have lost everything...every single ‘bit’ of it… I was promised…huh...I was...”


*A heavy sigh and then he started bawling uncontrollably*

His wife rushed over to him and lends a shoulder. She gave him a self assured look of “We-will-overcome-this-together”.

Every man in the house feared the same could to happen to them too…A hard disk crash is potently the last thing a man could face besides impotency.

He had trust in the 80GB hard disk of his and hadn’t prepared himself for what untrusting men do…BUY A BACK UP HARD DISK!

Losing critical data (EPL stats/Monica Belluci videos/cocktail recipes), missing out the football final, finding the nearby bar closed and not being able to start your bike are those that you call major tragedies in a man’s life. Otherwise life in general is quite happy and routine for a man.

Research at the secret Behavioral studies lab at Minnesota has revealed that men indeed have a different approach to tragedy or shock and even seemingly positive news for that matter. Check out a few sample test cases found in the secret dossiers…

“A cat died. It was run over by car”

Clara: ”OMG….awww...poor little cat...it must have hurt”
Bobby:”Oh”
(After a few minutes) “I hope that bumper didn’t get dirty”


Response even varies for positive news too…

“See that baby is smiling…See that baby is farting…Oh…See the baby is crying”

Any Girl: “So chweeet...chakkara…umma…cuteee naa”
(It’s like when you talk about our politicians its grammatically incorrect not to prefix with words like 'corrupt/tainted/imprisoned/caught on tape')

Whereas in a similar scenario the guy would probably say:
“Jeez...this little thing smells…and why does it cry...where is that plug??”

Probably there is just one question that could potentially make a man go thunders…

“Are you by any chance gay?”
“GAY?!!!...I am as STRAIGHT as a German autobahn...freaking hell!!
”(Thwack… Thud...Dishum…thwack)

Man and woman!! ...many a book, thesis papers written about it...But I am yet to find a book like ‘Woman deciphered- from Jagmohan and Sons ’ . And ofcoz there wont be a book like that about man, because you don’t need to think hard to know much about men!! Even the old genesis has its flaws…I don’t buy that Adam and Eve story of bone transplant and ancient cloning techniques…How could it possibly happen when there was not even a decent incubator back then? None of the pics in the Bible show Adam wearing a bandage because of his surgically removed ribs!! But there is one thing what explains the link with the shopping genes when Eve went for weekend shopping at the Local nature fresh fruit market and bargained for the apples that were NOT FOR SALE!! ;-P

In the modern era men like sales too…Men will go anywhere where there is a sale for branded sports clothing’s for example...It makes us feel athletic…We can miraculously transform into Roger Federer or David Beckham...to be precise in our dreams…

But there is another critical reason why for example men like Nike jerseys…It makes us and others feel we are always correct…When a woman sees a guy wearing a jersey with a Nike logo she thinks..

“He MUST be the Mr. RIGHT!!”

25 comments:

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Wow i can't believe! 1st comment!!!!!!!!!!

*Crying like someone getting the Oscar and then stars with the thank you speech*

I loved the way you started the post, truly thought someone had died! I know how hard it hits one when you lose a hard disk, i was unfortunate to have this disaster last year, when i handed my PC to my sister while i went for a job interview! Bang! 5 days later i came and saw the PC isn't starting up!

Loved the "A cat died" story too! I once asked a friend's dad on phone once calling to ask about his accident if the car suffered too much damage! Men Never change!

Deepti said...

Loved the post ... men and women are different as chalk n cheese.
hope your friend has recovered from the tragedy that had befallen him ... maybe counselling would help ...
ROFL .. especially the reactions to babies ;) and the Nike thing ... naaaah not really!!!!

usha said...

'None of the pics in the Bible show Adam wearing a bandage because of his surgically removed ribs!!'

lolz!!

btw, a hard disk crash would affect a woman in an almost-same-if-not-worse way! good that you reminded, it's high time I took backups!

Hari Shanker said...

"Recently like all civil responsible condoler’s, I paid a visit to a tragedy struck friend of mine at his home."
Like Abhi said, I NEVER imagined in the wildest of dreams that all the gloom is about a hard-disc crash!! :-))

But jokes apart, it IS a really catastrophic scenario, even for a woman, as Usha says... Monica Belluci videos & cocktail recipes can always be torrented! But what about the critical work files et al? :-)

Boys' school product that I am, my first 'close interractions' with girls always ended up with me bewildered every other moment at the vagaries of the female mind!! No wonder the topic helps churn out millions of research papers worldwide! :)

Awesome post! :D

mathew said...

@Abhi
I am a chronic victim of Laptop crashes…I am quite careless about it and often lose valuable personal data from official laptop!!;-D

Cat died story…hehehe…they don’t understand why we make fuzz when a red card is given by the referee!!;-P

@Deepti
Ahh…yeah the friends is trying to pick up ‘bits and bytes’ of his life and put it back together!!
Nike…the logo says it all!!;-D

@usha
I have actually heard one of the funniest IT jokes from a female colleague of mine…She was expecting a baby and when someone asked her about the delivery date to which she replied something like in 2 months…The clincher came when the workaholic manager asked for the version being delivered!!!! You should have seen her face and the perfectly innocent face of the manager!!

@Hari
work files…How did they become critical in the first place!!;-D
Hey understanding a female mind is like doing a Hindu crossword puzzle. you will never finish it but you still keep trying because you think you can solve it!!;-D

Jackfruit said...

In blog world men-bashing is the trend it was nice to see a blog empathising with men :D:D

Praveen said...

hehhee...infy blogsil vaayichathaanengilum onnoode vaayichu...adipoli...
ente deivame...hard disk crash aaavunna kaaryam aalochikkane vayyaa...enthokke vilappetta saadhanangala

anN-series said...

is that why u go around in the arsenal jersey?..so tat u feel like athletic mr.right??? :~P

Dhanya said...

LOL.. Hope ur friend has recovered from the tragedy :)

silverine said...

Sometimes I wonder of men and women were actually made for each other!! They are so different!!

Anphy said...

"when Eve went for weekend shopping at the Local nature fresh fruit market and bargained for the apples that were NOT FOR SALE!! ;-P"
dt was a classic statemnt though i belong to the school dt says all humanbeings are equally undecipherable :P

Rahul S. Nair said...

Good thing, This post reminded me to buy that back up hardisk, i had been postponing for months now due to lack of funds.
I realize the full potential of the tragedy a hard disk can bring...
:)

Ancy said...

hey, mathew.. i been reading ur blogs for some days now...and its interesting...ive linked u to my blog...(do i need your permission or something, dunno)

Im a mallu from Pune, and must say, ive just got an insight abt the Kerala youth, i nvr knew existed...majorly due to my ignorance! but im so glad, mallus evrywhr think so alike...(no, im not propogating any joyious malayali harmony assoc...) :)

happy blogging and abt the nike logo effect on girls..SO FALSE!!

Jyothsna said...

I too had a hard disk crash some time ago and was heart broken...see, women go thru such traumas too :)

Srijith Unni said...

"I hope that bumper didn’t get dirty" hee hee.. That's an old joke, but still evokes the same laughter everytime.. :) Hey BTW, your tag is done.. thanks had fun..

Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless!

~Srijith.

Ms Cris said...

Hmm I thought I will shout for all that stuff about women! But then it was too hilarious! You have a neat way of putting things :-)

VIDYA said...

:d the lil tick mark,,,, i think its blah! :d

the "eve going shopping" thing was LOL

Life Mysterious said...

Wow!!
When I read the beginning, I felt like some crash or something :P!
Hehe...I too am too prone to hard disk crashes...d latest being my desktop :P!!!It was a nightmare then....every single 'bit' lost...
But then....:(!!And yes I do agree at times, I've met females with the sodium vapor lamps...!!:P!!

Sreejith Kumar said...

You rock baba! :))

Zee said...

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh the hard disk crash!! well that's one thing that'll fetch men and women similar reactions....

homecooked said...

This was good! Actually I empathise with your friend! Our hard disk crashed too once but thankfully my husband had backed it up. He was still cursing the blasted thing for giving up on him :)

homecooked said...

And you are wrong about the Nike T-shirt thing. Come on....women are not stupid :)

mathew said...

@Jackfruit
hehehe..it was just a very unserious banter…

@Praveen
athe athe..it has happened to me several times..

@Ann
;-D

@Dhanya
He is taking valium these days..;-P

@Anju
YES…they are..

@Anphy
Yeah in reality everyone is virtually undecipherable...Everyone likes to wear a veil around themselves..

@Rahul
Sigh..Learn the lesson’s from others tragedies..;-D

@Ancy
ofcoz..thanks a lot…
I have lived in Pune for a few months and loved that city..
Nike logo effect was just kidding!!;-D

@Jyothsna
I empathise with you!…Hard disk crashes come ‘hard’ on everyone of us..;-P

@Srijith
thanks….

@Ms.Cris
thank you…and ofcoz this post doesn’t deserve shouting..i would have done better for that..;-D

@Vidya
ha…I ´know its blah..;-D

@Life Mysterious
Yes…indeed it’s a big crash..hehehe.
I think they make intentionally to make it crash..some sort of global conspiracy..

@Sreejith
thank you..

@ Zee
I understand that now..;-P

@homecooked
Yeah..it can drive people mad..In my office I had once 60+ appachan blasting out some ex-quisite’ pulichaa therris’ when his laptop crashed….!!

And ofcoz I was never serious about the nike thing..;-P

saphire said...

lost a hard disk!!!! :O oh the horror!!

all my data is on a separate drive he he..so neverlose data at home...only lost stuff on my desktop last time disk crashed.. :( but me being all clever now have only links to folders on my desktop .. :D

Tedy Kanjirathinkal said...

I'm becoming an ardent fan of yours! :-)