Friday, April 27, 2007

breaking news and little unbreakable news!!

Is the world upside down or is it coz the way am seeing it.. looks like a bit of both!!!!!!!!!!!

Well the word is out.. US prez George W Bush wins the Nobel peace prize for ensuring long lasting peace in Iraq.. Iraqi people have expressed their gratitude to Mr Bush for bringing in harmony and national unity in the war torn country.. In his thanksgiving speech he said that the 100 odd people killed daily in Baghdad is collateral damage which is ensuring a otherwise “peaceful” state of the country. Motivated by the response .he is now eager to ensure peace Iran as well .. Uh.. only wish he stays in ranch and go fishing once in a while with Condoleezza dudette ..Thanks for all the help dude and god save America!!

Neways amidst all the trouble brewing in the world we have our own little headache back home.. Our Mumbai bureau special correspondent reports……………..

Justice Narendran commission comes out with a detailed report on why Indian team failed in this world Cup. The undistinguished lawyer in his interaction with experts found that the ball was not coming on to the bat for the batsman and the bowl was moving away from the wicket for the bowler. mm..that was some startling news..seems like lotta research went into it!!
Aah.. Don’t worry baba….we have reasons to rejoice…As a part of corrective measures suggested by the commission the ball and the bat will be subject to rigorous imprisonment for 10 years !!…Will that make all you sorry duds happy!!!!!!!

Well the times are bad…Even the normally sedate literary world isn’t spared. Fans express their anger over Salman Rushdie’s latest novel as it is devoid of any inflammatory statements nor did it ridicule any religion or reputed personalities. Several countries issue Fatwa on Rushdie for writing a non controversial book.

The author has gone into hiding after the publication of his latest book “A guide to Bonsai cultivation ”.
That’s why they say if you got a reputation.. thrive on it……….

After the successful exit of the Indian team from world cup Indians are turning their attention to movies. The Cine world is churning ridiculous and mediocre fare at a alarming pace.
Southern heartthrob Mammootty decides to lend his youthful exuberance in a school based love story. He enacts the role of underage kid who falls in a illicit relation with a slightly older Meera Jasmine. The actor claims that he was happy playing a role "realistic" to his age after a long time. And in a new twist Mallika Sherawat has decided to expose. She says that she doesn’t mind showing a bit of skin if the character demands.. Well commitment to artistic excellence demands it!!!!!

Neways since Rediff uncle is busy peeping at Abhishekji’s bedroom we decided to peep into the other aam aadmi who attended the marriage.. If you haven’t noticed let me make a point, Amitabhji like people only whose name starts with A.. He approved err now daughter in law Aishwarya ..His best bud is a self proclaimed “poor man’s” neta Amar Singh who apparently have poor buddies like the Ambani’s.…Well if your name is Alok..Amit..Anoop..or Appukuttan..you are a big shot man…By the way Amar singhji we believe that you are really struggling to survive in these days of high inflation..You dont have to say it all the time!!


Well some shocking news coming from Kerala…

A vazhipokkan(passer-by) mistook a person walking in the corridors of a govt office at 10 am in the morning for a thief and called up the police .. Later on the claim was found to be untrue. The passer-by had actually mistaken the govt employee for a thief as he was seen at a unearthly time of 10 am. Government employees arriving office on time are advised to exercise caution.

Talking of government institutes, the efficiently performing Indian metrology department is under fire from public. A recent prediction of rain turned out to be true and puts a bad reputation to the department’s consistency in "inconsistency". Well sometimes it doesn’t pay to be right!!!

My tabloid expert correspondent in Amreika reported on Monday that Britney spears has announced her plans to quit drugs until Monday afternoon…oops…Sorry for the late reporting…We never thought it would be this fast…

The world isn’t fair for the sane. it is insanity that thrives!!!!!!!! Well to be fair to all a bit of insanity aint that bad!!!!!! have a nice weekend………chao!!!!!!!!!!!

32 comments:

Shakhi said...

LOL!!
A really refreshing post!
Great...

alex said...

Dude,

LOL.

Liked the one specially about the 10 Am thief. ;)

mystic rose said...

thanks for the latest news(and making me laugh)!! actually reached me a bit late.. :)

:))).

silverine said...

Brilliant!!!

rofl! good one dude, and it might just happen. When Rajkumar died, we had journos prowling the Bengaluru streets for news and the one that took the cake was a lady talking into the proffered mike of a journo where she agitatedly questioned his death!!( he was on his death bed for a long time ). I wouldn't have been surprised if they burnt effigies of yamraj or maybe God himself!! :))

I blame the media for this. Another snippet, at Poovar we were on a cruise around the backwaters and we noticed something strange. Everytime we aimed the camera at the water birds they would spread their wings and pose! Now that is what I call the height of commercialisation!!! :))

fling said...

ROFL

this is really really funny. the best of all being the one about salman rushdie :)

fantastically funny :D

Nariyal Chutney said...

Poor media :) , Hopefully rediff uncle and all the other unclejis and auntiejis in this unbreakable newws report will realise through this post that they are breaking our nerves with the 'Breaking News :)'

Princess Banter said...

George W Bush? A nobel peace prize? F*ck that... maybe I can get one too. Where did he buy it?

Di said...

ayyo ur news still made more sense than the one on tv these days..ive stopped watching the news! :-/

Rajesh said...

Was smiling all the way.
I liked the title of Salman Rushdie's new book. Good choice.

alakananda said...

LOL mathew. good one. loved the salman rushdie bit. nice title ;) ah but naturally!

and the bit about the early arrival of the govt. employee. and as alakananda, i guess i have a chance to be amitji's pal too :)

Keshi said...

ROFL! Bush n peace?

Keshi.

Umesh said...

:-)

hey btw i'm a die hard mammootty fan mind it. and our mamookka is ever green and ever lasting :-)

i would say till our own mathew enters malluwood to play the hero of a school/college based movie and be a roaring success, mammookka will be around. :-)

crumbs said...

ha ha, awsome post mathew!:D
and hey, in media's defense, if bollywood adamently insists on consistently delivering mindbogglingly insipid movies, someone has to provide the entertainment right? ;)
if they reported all things like they should, then what will the bloggers talk about? ;)

mathew said...

@all

sorry for the late replies..i was outside town..

mathew said...

@Shakhi

thanks...whats news from ur side..

@Alex

hehehe..seriously..it is always shock to see people reachin office on time back home..

@mystic rose

thanks..yeah news can be funny at times..

@Anjali

Everytime we aimed the camera at the water birds they would spread their wings and pose! Now that is what I call the height of commercialisation!!!

Lol!!too good..really the heights..
btw the Rajkumar funeral was height of insanity..The media has definitely got a part to blame..

mathew said...

@fling

thanks for droppin by here..yeah..rushdie doesnt make sense if he write anythin non contriversial!! ;-p

@NC

hehehe..well will the media stop their own bread and butter..well a remote possibility!!

@Princess banter

Lol!!well not long before it could happen! ;-P

@Di

watch it for the fun part..how ridiculous it gets at times!!

mathew said...

@Rajesh

thanks man..He wouldnt write that neways!! ;-P

@alakanada
hehehe..yeah u are among the big shots then..did u attend the marriage!!

@Keshi

ahh..yeah quite like antonyms aint it!

@Umesh

me too a fan ..but the mamootty of old times..the era just after the kutti-petti-mammootty times.. ;-P

@crumbs

well a valid point..it is always a pleasure to crib about something!!
But still media is getting over the board sometimes..

Ruchika said...

Hehehe.. loved this post! You're so funny in i, like a stand-up comedian! Good going!

hope and love said...

fantastic post..!
keep it up..!

Nabila Zehra Zaidi said...

Whoa!! Awesome post there LOL!!

Bush...NOBEL PEACE PRIZE..!!huh....

10 A.M....Theif!! Right suspicion!! :P

Mallika is now ready to expose...wow...now THATS news!!

Damn...I am no big shot... My initials are NZZ...no A anywhere..!

Britney off drugs and I became the Prime Minister...huh,...

And now...WHY CAN'T THEY LET RUSHDIE BE!! I love his books...so for heavens...go to hell with your fatwas!!

Damn...by the end of this post... I feel so sane...wonder if I had known the wrong definition of insanity till date...huh....

Awesome blog...rolling you on my page ASAP!! ;)

Mishmash ! said...

your first para reminded me of a car bumber sticker I had seen sometime back saying , ""Somewhere in Texas a Village is Missing its Idiot" :)) Thats one among the many Anti-Bush jokes coming in the form of t-shirts and stickers and caps and what not :)

Shn

Red Soul said...

WHAT? Bush .. nobel prize... Iraq.. Peace? r u kidding me? :( provide me with a link to a news saying all this! And how is Berlin? I live in NYC, and I wonder how it is living in Berlin....

Cuckoo said...

Ha Ha Ha....

You are great.

BTW, when do we get to see your pictures of Swiss ?

And again out of town ? Hmmm..

Neihal said...

ahahahahahahaha
too good!!

BTW is this 10am joke a communist thing? I heard a whole series when I was in Bengal. :P

Kusum Rohra said...

This is brilliant. :)

ROTFL all the way.

VIDYA said...

ROTFL ........


:-) :-)

I Loveddd he bit bout salman rushide.... nice title ... lol

Anonymous said...

Good one Mat.. really enjoyed it...

Gostana

mathew said...

@Ruchika
hehehe..thanks bud...

@hope and love
thanks..

@nabila
thanks for dropping by here,.well nice to see long comments..yeah btw insanity is relative aint it.!!

@mishmaash
Lol!!cool caption..being Anti-bush is a fad these days..but i seriously dont like him..

@red soul
thanks for dropping by..well am not in berlin..am staying in hamburg..hello to amreika!! ;-P

@cuckoo
well no decent snaps from swiss..i was actually too lost to take snaps..was in berlin recently..snaps comin from there soon!!

@neihal
aah..so it common there as well eh..lal salaam!!

@Kusumji..er Kusum ;-P
thanks dudette..

@Vidya
yeah...i hope there is no fatwa on me now!!

@Gostana
thanks..i like anonymous comments with names.. ;-P

Anonymous said...

very funny chekkuu.From a lal fan :) and ur collegemate

Nariyal Chutney said...

Tagged Tagged . hopefully something will come out in the true wetsparky way :)

Red Soul said...

Hey I just read that Arundhati Roy is from your hometown! kotayamm? some name I dont remember sorry, I read ur hometown on facebook today :p

SilenceKilled said...

Awesome combi of sarcasm and humor...
I guess they call it satire....
Anywas, really great :)