30 reasons Why you should not/should get hitched to a bureaucrat!

Way back in 80’s the most coveted bride or groom came from the civil service department of the government of India. Possessing one was an equivalent of having an i-phone in the 1980’s…. It was license to privileged access to siren cars, golf clubs, kennel clubs, cat clubs, underprivileged beauticians club and other such humanitarian clubs…Even though it still has the good old charm there are potential problems which you will have to face in case you are planning to live with one of these as our Kottayam bureau reports...and esp. if he/she is from the foreign services…

1) The relationship would be strictly BILATERAL in nature…well that’s good..!!. ;-D

2) In case of conflicts with your partner you would be expected to come up with CONFIDENCE BUILDING MEASURES.

3) Your partner would not always prefer to talk to you but rather ISSUE A STATEMENT.

4) There is always a chance that you would be submitted to DIPLOMATIC PRESSURES to deliver the goods.

5) There is more chance that your partner would STRONGLY condemn your action for absolutely no reason.

6) It is highly likely that an EMBARGO would be placed in case you do excessive shopping and SANCTIONS in case of offensive behaviour.

7) The chance that he would take you to a PRESS CLUB on a date is very high…really high!

8) You won’t use the words dhobhiwalla, chaiwala, etc….but get used to calling people as home secretary, under secretary, chief secretary…..

9) You wouldn’t travel in any make of car besides the AMBASSADOR in your entire life.

10) You won’t ever find mistakes in your partner because he/she would always DENY THE ALLEGATIONS.

11) If your partner is angry there is a high chance that he/she would go into a DIPLOMATIC OFFENSIVE.

12) The only special friend your partner might have is the SPECIAL ENVOY from Jordan.

13) You would never stay in a hotel. You are likely to live in only two kinds of places…A house or a Guest house.

14) If you are the wife of the bureaucrat you would be invited to give prizes away in most schools in the city…you are just cheap celebrity. If you are husband of the bureaucrat you are not even invited!!

15) Your relationship at best would be described as 'WARM AND CORDIAL'

16) When your partner says “I want this file first thing in the morning!!” He/she means coffee.

17) No decisions would be made without a meeting and an APPROVAL from the boss even if it just meant changing the table cloth at home.

18) You ll never know how it feels like to fly in private airlines…Air India is what would take you up and occasionally down...

19) You ll never have friends by the name Kris, Shiv, John, Vishy….But you ll definitely have friends like Patilsaheb, Nairsaheb, and Subramaniam Iyer…


20) Your not sending the Tiffin for lunch might upset the bureaucrat more than the collapse of a Hydro electric dam...

21) Your bureaucrat is not aware that pen, pencil, paper, cello tape are products available in the open market. There are chances that you might have more than a hundred 2009 diaries delivered to your home before 20th of December 2008.

22) Your birthday gift if you ever get, would most likely be wrapped in RED TAPE.

23) Attending an All India Radio Sangeet Sangam at 6 pm and thereafter dinner at home by 8 pm would be classified as night out.

24) IF you have any regrets, it has to be conveyed THROUGH PROPER CHANNELS.(read mother-in-law)

25) Most gadgets at home would gather dust if you don’t use it since your bureaucrat usually has a strict NO FIRST USE policy.

26) Your partner considers you as a truly global PARTNER.

27) In the matter of family planning LUV WILL TAKE ITS OWN COURSE!

28) In case of family disputes, he/she is most likely follow a STRATEGIC POLICY of NON-ALIGNMENT with any stakeholder.

29) He/She would always take APPROPRIATE ACTION based on your RECOMMENDATIONS.

30) Your honeymoon trip would most likely be ON OFFICIAL DUTY and a reason to further bolster traditional ties.


Taking into account these factors are crucial before entering into a full diplomatic relationship and a happily married treaty. This report was submitted during an informal fun party hosted during the recently concluded Indo-Russian summit. In a later development, the top officials have categorically condemned the official report of the official fun party for having exceeded the limits of funniness an official on official duty is allowed in making fun of non-official matters.