Sunday, June 14, 2009

30 reasons Why you should not/should get hitched to a bureaucrat!

Way back in 80’s the most coveted bride or groom came from the civil service department of the government of India. Possessing one was an equivalent of having an i-phone in the 1980’s…. It was license to privileged access to siren cars, golf clubs, kennel clubs, cat clubs, underprivileged beauticians club and other such humanitarian clubs…Even though it still has the good old charm there are potential problems which you will have to face in case you are planning to live with one of these as our Kottayam bureau reports...and esp. if he/she is from the foreign services…

1) The relationship would be strictly BILATERAL in nature…well that’s good..!!. ;-D

2) In case of conflicts with your partner you would be expected to come up with CONFIDENCE BUILDING MEASURES.

3) Your partner would not always prefer to talk to you but rather ISSUE A STATEMENT.

4) There is always a chance that you would be submitted to DIPLOMATIC PRESSURES to deliver the goods.

5) There is more chance that your partner would STRONGLY condemn your action for absolutely no reason.

6) It is highly likely that an EMBARGO would be placed in case you do excessive shopping and SANCTIONS in case of offensive behaviour.

7) The chance that he would take you to a PRESS CLUB on a date is very high…really high!

8) You won’t use the words dhobhiwalla, chaiwala, etc….but get used to calling people as home secretary, under secretary, chief secretary…..

9) You wouldn’t travel in any make of car besides the AMBASSADOR in your entire life.

10) You won’t ever find mistakes in your partner because he/she would always DENY THE ALLEGATIONS.

11) If your partner is angry there is a high chance that he/she would go into a DIPLOMATIC OFFENSIVE.

12) The only special friend your partner might have is the SPECIAL ENVOY from Jordan.

13) You would never stay in a hotel. You are likely to live in only two kinds of places…A house or a Guest house.

14) If you are the wife of the bureaucrat you would be invited to give prizes away in most schools in the city…you are just cheap celebrity. If you are husband of the bureaucrat you are not even invited!!

15) Your relationship at best would be described as 'WARM AND CORDIAL'

16) When your partner says “I want this file first thing in the morning!!” He/she means coffee.

17) No decisions would be made without a meeting and an APPROVAL from the boss even if it just meant changing the table cloth at home.

18) You ll never know how it feels like to fly in private airlines…Air India is what would take you up and occasionally down...

19) You ll never have friends by the name Kris, Shiv, John, Vishy….But you ll definitely have friends like Patilsaheb, Nairsaheb, and Subramaniam Iyer…

20) Your not sending the Tiffin for lunch might upset the bureaucrat more than the collapse of a Hydro electric dam...

21) Your bureaucrat is not aware that pen, pencil, paper, cello tape are products available in the open market. There are chances that you might have more than a hundred 2009 diaries delivered to your home before 20th of December 2008.

22) Your birthday gift if you ever get, would most likely be wrapped in RED TAPE.

23) Attending an All India Radio Sangeet Sangam at 6 pm and thereafter dinner at home by 8 pm would be classified as night out.

24) IF you have any regrets, it has to be conveyed THROUGH PROPER CHANNELS.(read mother-in-law)

25) Most gadgets at home would gather dust if you don’t use it since your bureaucrat usually has a strict NO FIRST USE policy.

26) Your partner considers you as a truly global PARTNER.

27) In the matter of family planning LUV WILL TAKE ITS OWN COURSE!

28) In case of family disputes, he/she is most likely follow a STRATEGIC POLICY of NON-ALIGNMENT with any stakeholder.

29) He/She would always take APPROPRIATE ACTION based on your RECOMMENDATIONS.

30) Your honeymoon trip would most likely be ON OFFICIAL DUTY and a reason to further bolster traditional ties.

Taking into account these factors are crucial before entering into a full diplomatic relationship and a happily married treaty. This report was submitted during an informal fun party hosted during the recently concluded Indo-Russian summit. In a later development, the top officials have categorically condemned the official report of the official fun party for having exceeded the limits of funniness an official on official duty is allowed in making fun of non-official matters.


Zahra said...

I like the 'Patelsahib, Nairsahib' bit... :)

Ashwathy said...

I like 7, 9, 10 (which is true of ppl in many other sectors too :P ), 13, 15 and 19!

LOL @ 14, 15, 18, 21, 23 and 30!

and loved the ending! :D

thomman said...

I feel deeply APPALLED by the IMBROGLIO that prospective brides of civil sevice personnels will be in after they read this post.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Awesome compilation. Loved it. Especially after i've used half a dozen of these JARGON'S in my stint in the factory where i worked. Especially through proper channel and the SAHIB naming :). Too good!

usha said...


brilliant marriage treaty, i say!

can't quite make up my mind on which one of them i liked the most. too good, all of them!

mathew said...

thank you Zahramemsaheb!;-P

thanks a lot..:-)

LOL!!I am afraid of a statement of regret!!;-D

well..i think a similar whole set of jargon exist for IT folks too..;-P

hehe..thank god am not a IAS..err..sour grapes story..i badly wanted to be one..:-P

Ordinary Guy said...

what an agreement!!!! :P LOL

bilateral relations are always tough :P LOL

regrets conveyed thru proper channels.... hahahaha :P

good one aliya....

Nona said...

Interesting! You seem to possess good amount of knowledge on these bureaucrats. :)

Deepti said...

Whatay well conducted research ... looks like ur search has begun!! :D

Ashwadhy said...

Lol again!!! Would be ideal for a pre- nuptial... all details well captured and given adequate detailing. ;)

Anonymous said...

think outside the box mate rather than inside mate...this is stale and recycled and has lost meaning over the last decade due to overuse...!

DPhatsez said...

Entschuldigung Bitte!
So many marriage posts all of a sudden.So forgive me for asking,

Anything in the PIPELINE?


You have given me an idea for a future post..Inspired by days of IT warned :)

Sakshi said...

ROFL...gosh night out will be at a press club?? Thank god am not married to a bureaucrat or every single blog post of mine would have to go through the PROPER CHANNEL before making it on to the blog and I might be labelled HAZARDOUS TO NATIONAL SECURITY after the diplomat gets to read my comments on other blogs...

mathew said...

@Ordinary Guy
thank you..;-D

hahaha..actually been reading so much of it the media..;-)

@Deepti ;-D

thanks a lot..:)

I ll try to..thanks for the suggestion.

uh..these peoples!!!;-D

hehe...yeah could be send to guntamao bay!!;-D

Somya said...

Hilarious...My elder sister is a senior official in a government office and needless to mention I quite enjoyed reading this list. As in she has an assistant even to type on her laptop and interestingly she has a battery of wellwishers(read her junior colleagues or sycophants) who even if she bloats to the size of hot air balloon and wears fluoroscent green saree with orange flowers, would still find her the fittest and most well dressed person around(just to clarify here so that I dont get disowned she is actually quite slim and well dressed in real). The best part is that two colleagues as same level never talk directly but via their assistants. Gotta share this list with my brother in law:-)

Jackfruit said...

haha nice one...

Lets hope "Thevalli Parambil Joseph Alex" (The King) does not see this ... :D:D

Devil Incarnate... said...

Hahaha... totaly hilarious post..
brilliently put together..
i really wanna knw hw a bureaucrat is gonna respond to this post...
by the way, y suddenly this marriege post???

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

congrats. todays new indian express selected a quote from this post.

mathew said...

aaah..what a job!!! am just envious..these IT jobs have taken the fun of going to the!!

hehe...long time since seen that inspired..;-D

@Devil Incarnate
ayyo..this post was inspired by the quoted statemente running in the media..;)

wow..thats news for me...thank a lot for informing..:-)
could you tell me which one..and where in the paper..

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

The New Indian Express, Tiruvananthpuram, Wed, June 17, 2009.
The paper quotes from blogs - everyday, three or four quotes from diffr blods on different pages.
yours appeared on page 2, left hand top corner. quoted lines are: 'If u r the wife of the bureacrat - - -not even invited!!'
online edition link:
doubtful whether u will find the exact replica of the hard paper.

The Traveller said...

Man!! This is funny!!! I share your blog with all my friends whenever you post something like this!! :) You have a small fan following in my group. :)

Cancerian friends say that you are good because you are a cancerian. :P

Mallu friends say that only mallus can have this kind of sense of humor. :P

I can't complain or deny any of these points!!! :)

Siddharth said...

Great post man!!!!!
Try "30 reasons why should not/should get connected to a IT guy/gal"
30 may just seem too small a number.....