Sunday, May 31, 2009

Noah’s Ark Reloaded…


It was one boring day on Earth….Noah was on his way home after work at Apple horticulture Corp. which was a Fortune 500 silver coins company in Eden Park….The look on his face gave tell tale signs of someone preoccupied in deep thoughts...Would Mrs. Noah forget the capsicum toppings in the Pizza? He was ofcoz in agonizing curiosity….


And then out of the blue after a brilliant flash of light….the Lord appeared…

“Hey Noah...How you doin…seems like something is bothering you…You haven’t even bothered to shave for last 600 years”


Noah wanted to tell him about the pizza. But that would be stupid…

“Thank God...you finally showed up….I have been thinking of writing a mail …blame the slow bandwidth…..infact lot of burning issues down here…the Niagara project which you started is still incomplete and falling into an abyss…are you planning to leave it just liked that? And that sun…it doesn’t work after sometime…probably you could have a look at the timer…But I simply loved your idea of creating France...I was always confused where to go for my wine!! :) ”

“Noah….stop it….listen to me now...I need to tell you something very important…”


*cough…cough…*
*clears the throat*

“Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation. Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female. Of fowls also of the air by sevens….”

That’s when Noah interrupted…

“ahem...ahem...excuse me lord…let me just get my calculator its kinda getting difficult…brb”

“OK…get it fast… I got to finish few planets in galaxy 747.”

“And thou shall thy….”


“Excuse me once again lord…Could you read the dossier in American English…am sure you know... err… how to…”

“Noah…this is absolutely ridiculous…how many time have I told you it aint cool…dude you need to grow up and behave like the captain of a ship….you have one damn big job coming…a few months from now you gotta build one helluva big ship and stuff it with animals….”


But lord am not quite the engineer…Moreover the ship building courses in Cochin are very expensive…last time they asked for a huge capitation fees and a recommendation letter from Aramana ”

“oh...I ll take care of that...it’s my job…”

“But Lord what the heck is this all about…are we going for one big picnic or something?”

LOL…you have no idea what’s coming… For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will destroy from off the face of the earth.”

Now Noah is all excited and beaming…

“Holy freaking……….you gotta be kidding...aren’t you?”

“Noah...I told ya before...no swear words….”

“oops...am sorry…this sounds all exciting…You know what? I think I just made a little rhyme after hearing your grand plan...I think I ll teach junior some day….RAIN RAIN EVERY DAY...COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY…hahaha...howzzat...”

“That’s nice…but I have no time for rhymes…let’s get to business….Before you board the ship any declarations…medical or otherwise...”

“Well...I kind off got sea sickness ...forty days out ..hmm…would have been nice if we could anchor somewhere in between...”

“Nope…But after forty days we would probably be docking at Cochin…”

“That’s suppa…actually I have one of my ancestral homes there…Noahparambil …you might have heard...…”

God was focused and he wanted to finish the task as soon as possible and update his excel.

Any questions?”

“Yeah...one actually… I remember while casually looking at one of those “Plan 1900-2000 Earth affairs” you have mentioned a ship that’s gonna get stuck in a iceberg or something...Do you need a double hull steel protection in case you overlooked….”

“Noah...you are getting naughty by the day…how dare you peek into my future planning files..!!.”


Noah gives a wry smile which was though not visible under the mounds of overgrown facial hair …He swore in the name of Adam never to repeat the mistake…

The Ship was soon constructed and a pair of each living being was retrieved from Mesopotamia zoo, Harappan zoo and some rare species from the Trivandrum zoo… And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.

Day 36……….The alarm is struck…

“Sabbath …. Sabbath …Lord are you there?”

“C’mon Noah…Just four more days to go…”

“err…Lord…no….actually there is a minor problem….I had this virus attack in the Ark’s GPS system ...and had to run the anti-virus scan…”

“So…?.”

“It warned me that it would delete all the Trojans…”

“So…?.”

“And….And I agreed”

“C’mon Noah, get to the point…”

“I can’t find the horses in the stable anymore…”

“Damn it Noah!!” hmmph!!


*Ark program rebooted*


*post is tribute to Bill Cosby whose sketch on the same is here..*

If you like classical music listen to this awesome piece by Pachelbel

17 comments:

Amal Bose said...

awesome post buddy...
really enjoyed it.
cheers :-)

Prasoon said...

“I can’t find the horses in the stable anymore…” - LOL!!

Awesome post!!

Divs said...

ship buliding coaching classes in cochin!hehee...

nice post! :)

Ordinary Guy said...

Cochin shipyard??? :P LOL!!!!
Aliya kollam...... :P

God would have got confused!!!
great read

The Traveller said...

You are so freakin' talented..... :P

It's so funny, man!!!

God bless! :P

Biju said...

A real funny post Mathew :-) Good one.

Devil Incarnate... said...

LOL.... that was a totally awesome funny post frm inside out...
u r too gud wit humour.. u knw..

Ashwathy said...

LOL!!! "huge capitation fees and a recommendation letter from Aramana ”

"rare species from the Trivandrum zoo"

too good!! :D keep 'em coming!!

Ashwathy said...

blogrolling u btw! :-)

Destination Infinity said...

That was too good. I was initially thinking Noah's arc was some electrical arc which the scientists of the olden days perfected!! Then recently I read an article about it. Big ship for having been made in wood! Almost half the size of Titanic!!

Destination Infinity

mathew said...

@Amal
thanks buddy!!:)

@Prasoon
thanks a lot!!;-D

@Divs
i hope there are some..;-P

@Ordinary Guy
aah..am myself confused reading this..apazhaa..;-D

@The Traveller
thats a freaking feel good comment..;-D gracias..

@Biju
thank you..:-)

@Devil Incarnate
nice to know it was interesting enough!!:-D

@Ashwathy
thank you...trivandrum zoo has very rare humans...;-D
and thanks for blogrolling...:-)

@Destination Infinity
"I was initially thinking Noah's arc was some electrical arc "
LOL..never thought it that way..;-D

flaashgordon said...

Haha too good !Poor Noah, he could teach logistics at any IIM after all that practical experience. Also thanks for the Cosby link :-)) btw incidentally i did do a shipbuilding course in Cochin and while it did not need a letter from the Aramana or was expensive, I really did spend almost 5 excruciating yrs there. ;-). Add to it the fact that unlike Noah's ark we had a 120:2 male/female ratio !!!

Srijith Unni said...

Hey Pal,

That was fun, reading.. I'm sure if today Noah were to construct, the issues he would have would be almost similar.. hee hee..

Nice to get back after a long time.. Keep the fun going..

have Fun, Take care and god bless!
With Best Regards,
Srijith.

Rahul S. Nair said...

rofl..
too good...
Bill Cosby is superb!!

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

the link was hilarious. but u've out heroded herod!
that's what i call original!

Bindhu Unny said...

Really funny :-)

mathew said...

@flaashgordon
LOL!! so u are the new age Noah!!;-D

@Srijith
thank you..:D

@Rahul
Bill Cosby is my all time fav stand up comedian..

@kochuthresiamma
hehe...Herod!!;-P

@Bindhu
thank you..:-)