Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Don’t upset the Shopping cart!


Every man at some point in their lives has to face this difficult question… It’s a question that scares almost every man walking on this earth….A question that has ruined several live cricket matches and soporific post lunch newspaper sessions… A question that no man has ever asked!

“Would you come shopping with me?”

MEN HATE SHOPPING!!!

I can see the ladies nodding in agreement….duh

Well here is some news for you…Men LOVE shopping!!! Ask any guy out for a visit to a car or bike showroom or an electronics shop and bet you will never hear a nay for that!! We like shopping…just different stuff…

Infact it’s the fairer sex who doesn’t allow men to shop back in my place…Last week I heard in a phone-in program the desperate soulful plea’s of a man just coz he was restrained by his wife from visiting a nearby shaap*…The guy was talking to the counselor about how much an uplifting and healing experience shaaping is for him…His wife says she is not surprised considering the chap was often brought home lifted over someone’s shoulders or tied to poles.

And this is not just a stray instance….A newly wed friend of mine was aghast when his wife frowned upon despite amorous overtures…

“Darling…Let me take you to some place romantic tonight...”

The wifey blushes and replies…

“That’s lovely…I ll get ready soon”

“Hurry up…I am not sure how long it stays open”

“What darling?”

“Quilon Radio Service darling”


Friend whines there is less of darling used after that.

As men all over the world remains clueless about the heartless treated meted out to them I ll share why men are emotional with regards to shopping…esp. cars…

When we want to buy a car we first plan it…And we plan by listing the cars we wish to buy…Note “wish” to buy…

Porsche Carrera
Audi R8
Ferrari Enzo
Lamborghini Gallardo
Mercedes Benz

This is usually our target buy…

Now we add up some more cars to broaden the choice…

Skoda Laura
Honda CR-V
Chevrolet Optra
….
……

And after a list of 120 cars we are ready to make an excel document with all the columns explaining horse power, CC, brake systems….etc….well all details except the price... That’s something we forget for strange reasons.

Now begins the critical part where we reason with ourselves on which car to choose…

*Porsche Carrera: Too small for a family of four, trunk is small... (So freaking expensive…)
*Ferrari Enzo: schmuck!!...I believe in numerology... Could have bought it if was spelt Enzzzo (So freaking expensive…)
*Skoda Laura: I don’t like Czech products. It reminds me of the Bata shoes I wore in school (so freaking expensive…)
*Honda Accord: Japanese…No way I could have that after they took part in World War II (still so freaking expensive…)
*…
*…
*Maruti 800 (lemme check my balance sheet...uh…still freaking expensive)
*Tata Nano: Perfekte!! :-) Can take four people and carry enough rice in the trunk (and wow...so delightfully cheap!!)

Now that the dude had decided on the Nano he will announce it proudly at home…

“I think I ll go for the Nano... Damn there isn’t much choice in the market…can’t find anything else that suits my demands...I am choosy you know!!”

And he leaves the room amidst the giggles …

“LOL…choosy!!”

But the man walks away contented…Just the feeling that he did aspire for those cars on the top of the list would keep him happy…After all those cars were his “rejects”….You want to see a contented face of a man...Just say...”Wise choice!!”

Talking of buying a car it reminds me of when we bought a car a decade ago…During the deliberation stage heated discussions happened on which car to buy or rather from which showroom we will buy the Maruti 800… Mom had a stake too. She being an early and ardent advocate of GO GREEN was particular about it…and had chosen the color henna green predictably…

And when it finally arrived at home…bro and I pooh-poohed in unison…

“yikes...it is chaanakka pachaa**!!”



*Niche lounge bars in Kerala
** Cow dung green


Listening to Ciao Bella...

34 comments:

Shrutz said...

Niche lounge bars :D

mathew said...

@Shrutz
was is das...let state secrets remain secrets!:-D

How do we know said...

ha ha ha!!

Deepti said...

whatay post!! the car selection saga is the best ...
You seem to be having a lotta experiece shapping ;) with gerls ... Scandinavian connection huh? :D

Sakshi said...

Lolz...lounge bars...haan??? This is the post I needed to tell me at least I got one damn thing right in my marriage...in 7 years I have learned all about cars and the technology behind it (even though I still can't figure out which car is which if they are lined up). Wow what a patient wife I am...pat pat for myself for spending hours in a car showroom smiling, all the while planning the next day's menu in my head.

Guys and shaaps...wish someone would hit on the concept of a car showroom and a Ladies clothes store under one roof..sigh!!!

Ordinary Guy said...

ROFL....
"Niche lounge bars in Kerala", now that is really a good way to describe our shaaps!!!! :P

good one dude, we men do shop but are interesting in things which ladies are not...!!

good read!!!
btw, CET, which year aliya? 2006?

Amal Bose said...

hilarious post mate... ;)

mathew said...

@How do we know
:-D

@Deepti
hehe..scandanavia is passe...I have a new Costa Rica connection..:-P

@Sakshi
hehe..that would be one selling trick!!! with a lounge bar attached you can expect sales soaring high!:-D

@Ordinary Guy
haha...yeah..why not! just the leather is missing...:-P
btw 2004...

@Amal
thank you..:-)

Sree said...

hahaha "shapping".You are funny.

wanderlust said...

And they start young too -
my son wants a Montero as our next one!!
After nine years with a vehicle freak, I still don't know which is what most of the time :-)

Bindhu Unny said...

ha ha ha ... I can't laugh anymore :-)

usha said...

whattar u saying, eh?

know what, these days, surprisingly, I bump into guys who'd tell me which face scrub to use, and what SPF sunscreen should I go for..
and girls advice me on which laptops to go buy!
I'm one thoroughly confused person.. I dunno what to talk to whom anymore.. as much as Im confused about sunscreens and laptops! :(

shaap one was gud! :D

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Freaking awesome post. Loved the definition of the Shaaps. "*Niche lounge bars in Kerala". Ith vallom saayipan maar arinjittu vannu chodichaal thendum.

Loved the shortlist. Think u missed the Bugatti Veyron.

Dhanya said...

Niche lounge bars :D
so which car is your pick? :P

mathew said...

@Sree
thank you..:-)

@wanderlust
yeah..some of my younger relatives know much more about cars than me!!

@Bindhu
thanks..;-D

@usha
hahaha..speakin of role reversals...;-D

@Abhi
LOL!! that was ofcoz our definition..;-D
Bugatti Veyron..cough cough...i should spare atleast that car..

@Dhanya
Inspite of all the shortcomings I have chosen the Porsche carrera..;-P

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Like Abhi said, Bugatti Veyron. Also, Koenigsegg CCX ;)

However, I don't think it is entirely true that men dislike shopping(even alcohol, cars and electronics apart). Most single men who are actively looking to win over a woman are well aware of what a long distance good dressing and the right deo can carry them.

DPhatsez said...

Niche Lounge bars??Was ist das?? Meine gute! Haben sie getrunken wann sie diese Post zu schrieben? :)

Quilon Radio! LOL!

Baa shaapil poyee oru peg adichittu varaam!

Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ann said...

Smiles..You said it Mathew..(but dont have much to say since am addicted to both these ..haha..men are not that boring at times..)
lol on shappe..
the music you are listening is awesome ?

Ann said...

Mathew,thanks a lot for the link..you made me weep ...have so much in that.!! Thanks again

Sriram said...

LOL!! Delightful read! And true to the core!

Biju said...

A very good read. Men and Women love shopping, depends on what is being shopped :-). Liked the ending with 'channaka pacha';-)

little by little , bit by bit said...

didnt find it that funny..u can write better. i've liked some of ur other posts

alakananda said...

surprisingly my husband loves taking me shopping :) in return i let him browse undisturbed in BestBuy or Staples during every trip. we keep the peace :)

mathew said...

@Karthik
hehe...am personally not a big fan of Koenigsegg CCX..I like cars which are not just sporty..needs to look refined as well..like the Porsche..;-D

yeah..i know...just wrote this post talking about the majority..Whenever am home I go shopping with Mom and she appreciates that I have more patience there than dad..;-)

@DPhatsez
sehr gut deutsch!;-D
I am living in a beer country..hehe..

@Ann
thanks..yeah its one of my fav songs to..and i like the video as much..

@Sriram
thank you.;-D

@Biju
eh..dont remind me of that color..;-P
thanks for dropping by..

@little by little , bit by bit
thanks for the comment..appreciate it..would try to write better next time..cheers..;-)

@alakananda
haha..thats a good idea..kind off oil for food program with shopping..eh..;-D

Deepti said...

Costa rican!!! wonder how they say chanaga paccha!! ;)

Devil Incarnate... said...

Hahaha..Lol
that was totally hilarious, i hav seen similar tactics whnever i cal my bro 4 shoping.....

amoodaday said...

Long time lurker. But had to comment on this one. Might as well described DH. He will add Maserati to the list. Loves speed(This is the guy who in his days took his bike to the mechanic asking why his was not going above 100 km/hr). But had the time of his life last week in Germany going at 220 km/ hr (while I felt my soul already in heaven).
Apologies for the long comment.

Divs said...

here is a rule we friends follow.. we don't shop when we go together.

unless i need assistance in buying a gadget. :P

green! hehee.. ours was a dull grey priemier padmini.

I've heard men r color blind.. like they dunno mauve , peach,lavendar, how did u distinguish b/w green n mehandi green huh?? :P

Abraham Menacherry said...

Good perspective... and the more I think about it, the more I agree, yes we Men do love to shop!

Loved this one -> I believe in numerology... Could have bought it if was spelt Enzzzo !!!

Zahra said...

LOL.... darn good post!!! But could I point out that helping guys shop for men's clothing has been among the most painful experiences of my life??? :-D

I swear the gals I know make up their minds faster....ask the following q's in sequence:
1. Which is more affordable?
2. Which colour suits me better?

If you still havent made up your mind, here's the clincher

3. Which one makes me look thinner??? ;-D

Pooja Nair said...

My husband likes to take me shapping but thats because he knows i decide quickly... and dnt spend unnecessarily..:) You could say i shap like a man..:)

Car buying happens rarely and is a long term purchase..so can't compare that to a woman's shapping

A woman's shapping includes clothes, jewellery, cosmetics, shoes, hand-bags and something men will never understand: 'window shapping'

i like chanaka paccha colour. :)

hammy said...

Well said. We love shopping too. We just love shopping differently. We may frown on window shopping for shoes and shirts as thorough wastes of time, but then again, I remember all the hours spent window shopping for a new music system, and how the ritual was brought to a halt by an en overly aggressive shop owner, who yelled "I've told you a million times. NO DROOLING ON THE MACHINES!!"

What a grouch.

I think the outcome of this article is predictable. If John Grey were to read this, it would be but an hour's work for him to cut and paste from his older books and sell them under the brand new name "Men shop from Mars. Women shop from Venus"

mathew said...

@Deepti
grrr....;-D

@Devil Incarnate
aah..never know how it feels likes since i dont have a sis..:-)

@amoodaday
hahaha..i can very will imagine that..reminds me of the first 200 plus i have experienced in the autobahn out here...and i was not riding that time...

thanks for reading the blog..:-)

@Divs
mauve , peach,lavendar...really where is the VIBGYOR!! ;-D

@Abraham
finally someone agrees with me...i guess since you are in a shopping paradise..the game is easy for you..

@Zahra
NO!! men can shop clothes much easier..we buy either black..white or navy blue...and ladies have to rummage over a heap of colorful sarees..:-D

@Pooja
hey..hey..should i believe that..I think I ll ask the dude about the reality...;-D

'i like chanaka paccha colour' How dare you are on Mom's side!!!;-D

@hammy
hehe...yeah i can fully identify with that...I can spend hours in such shops and strangely have an allergy to cloth showrooms..

"Men shop from Mars. Women shop from Venus" ;-P