Monday, May 09, 2011


“The bitch will behave nicely today and looks a lot better than the bitches we have seen in the country.”

Although I was startled for a few minutes to hear this on primetime television while I was making tea in the kitchen, it brought immediate relief when I heard the next sentence…

“The bitch will have something for both the batsman and the bowler”

First I wondered whether it was my new TV who’s crystal clear and some Ph.D. lingo technology was working way too precise for comfort. But later when I saw Sivaramakrishnan the commentator still praising the bitch I kinda assumed it was the bitch of his tone which was creating all the trouble...And as marketer’s try hard to sustain the interest in cricket from the giddy successes of world cup and however I try, the whole IPL feels like a bad hangover … or rather a drink too soon after a binge party!

I had managed to insulate myself from the advertising blitzkrieg by subscribing to the HD telecast and I saved myself the trauma of watching Akshay Kumar who seemed to have tried a thousand times to say Mannapuram Gold and failed miserably at it…I was equally glad that I could skip those Idea-No Idea ad’s where creativity was as lacking as hair on post-world cup Dhoni…While the telecast did not save me from the Sidhu talk which probably was like one of those sufferings you go through to finally enjoy the good things in life, I really enjoyed watching the World Cup on TV.

Since I had never here been during IPL in the past years, I really wanted to watch atleast a few matches to get the gist of it. Infact what amused me more than cricket was the marketing machinery which displayed endorsements that could actually bring more than a chuckle …It was amazing to see the plethora of sponsors ranging from cement manufacturers, marble sellers, liquor makers and even tea manufacturers. Well infact the sponsors also taught me that White Mischief was a cheer leading group and not a detergent manufacturer as I presumed. At times you would see one of those “Thank you *tournament sponsor* for everything!” placards and wonder…Seriously? It’s like a Mc Donald’s ‘I ‘m loving it’ ad in an Udupi restaurant!

For many cricketers from abroad the IPL is more like the onsite trip folks in IT would love to have… I can imagine KieronPollard’s mom packing tortilla chips and himself smuggling in a good bottle of Jamaican rum when he left the West Indies shores. After a few weeks in India he would upload pictures in Facebook with Album names like “Rocking in Fort Kochi” and photos of him probably eating naan and butter chicken at Mohali...Status updates like “Missing Barbara” instead of Barbados would make sure his relationship got fireworks.

As these phoren cricketers take work in IPL, we can see that jobs are lost back home. Offshoring meant that expensive local talent lost job and had to engage in alternative professions like commentary! On the bright side some visitors did really indianize beyond recognition… Shane Thakur Warner has got such a tan now that he can camouflage easily in the Rajasthan deserts. Cameron White even got his name changed to Cameron Brown. And so can Vettori easily pass of as the tired and overworked resident doctor at St. John’s medical college. Lasith Malinga whose hair locks are considered a national asset in Sri Lanka and infact even causes the stock markets to plunge every time he passes by a hair salon has now become part of folklore in Mumbai.

But alas after a few matches in IPL I think I have had enough of it…It has now become like the 8th season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. You know it was good in the beginning and now getting somewhat ho-hum…There is something discernibly lacking in how the game is showcased this time around…Or maybe am someone who likes the good old test cricket with its broad culinary experience involving lunch, drinks, tea and all…team jersey’s devoid of the overdose of advertisements and where passion amongst the cricketers are real and where the lady at home could do some bpitch talk with her friend about a husband who spends five days watching cricket all day…….. Have a nice week ahead folks! :)


Ann said...

Oh Lord,save me.When I started reading It was like,what he is goin to tell,or what happened to this otherwise okay guy after touching Indian soil and all.Ha ha,what a start there..A sixer in the beginning.

"sponsors also taught me that White Mischief was a cheer leading group and"-Mallya,the flamboyant is in serious la lalala..

"For many cricketers from abroad the IPL is more like the onsite trip folks in IT would love to have"-True in all senses.They all enjoy it as a holiday and the general feeling they give in the game is 'here are some actor turned cricketers'..just enjoy ur time.

"Shane Thakur Warner has got such a tan now that he can camouflage easily in the Rajasthan deserts." -The most amazing part of that.Remember the 'beans contro' he had decade back.Now he is endrosing half of India.

Now as Srilanka announced SLPL in July,jus wait what's in store for all..Ayu Bowan..

scorpiogenius said...

the whole IPL feels like a bad hangover … or rather a drink too soon after a binge party!

Exactly. IPL has lost sheen this year mainly because of it being scheduled just after a major sporting event which emotionally drained the players as well as the supporters.

I'm not adding more on the commentators, especially Sidhu. He'd soon get beaten up live on tv.

Good ones on the 'browning' of 'whities' :D

Anonymous said...

I suggest u watch a match has its own share of fun...ambience is eclectic and the fact tht it gets over in couple hours mks the deal tht much more intresting...its like 2min noodles....most of us prefer 3 course meal...but thr is sumthng palatable abt instant food tht gvs us instant satisfaction !!!

Usha said...

haha.. blame it all on the bitch of the boor man's tone! whattay start, that one, mathew!

and yeah, the other day I saw a hoarding of the gold loan company which that guy is trying too hard to sell(maybe not too hard.. naaku vadichittu try cheyyaan aarum paranjukoduthilla aayirikkum).. and i was like 'de.. de.. manaaappurram gold loan!!'

Ashwathy said...

I havent paid ANY attention to IPL at all. period.

Happy Kitten said...


too much cricket and greed is killing the game.. all for good I hope :)

wholesale wedding dresses said...

WOW!Great article

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...


akshay kumar and mannapuram gold????????????

mathew said...

Ann said...
@Ann totally tired of IPL by now..;)

seriously...we didnot even get time to savour the world cup moment ..isnt it...

yes..thats what i heard from folks who have seen the match at stadium..i.e its quite worth the price...maybe next time.:)

hehe... thankfully dont see that ad during the IPL season..;)

I had..but i dont think i would anymore..

@Happy Kitten
am waiting for a good old test series to happen..;)

hey...havent u see that ad..;-P

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

nopes ... havent seen it ....

Aryan said...

Wow...great writeup...I agree every point u say..IPL is bugging my head
Aryan's mom

Cris said...

ohh I was about to type good to see ya back blogging when on an urge I scrolled down and found this was your fourth. too bad I was not present on the come-back session. But glad to have you back. Cheers!

Priyankari said...

hahaha....lllloved it! Shane Thakur Warner and Malinga's 'asset' locks just blew me away laughing!! Too good!

Matrimony said...

good information you have posting, thank you for the sharing,

Salon in Chandigarh said...

Quite interesting and different post.. Keep posting..Stay blessed!!
Salon shops

Anonymous said...

St johns medical college doctor nd daniel vettorri!! Indeed!