Sunday, January 17, 2010

A prayer

Dilawar Singh aka Philip, as we friends call him is now in the hospital recovering from his third surgery...

A month ago Philip, Jaya and myself had met up in town for a pre christmas get together…We had reasons to look forward to in the coming month…I was going home on a vacation after a year...Jaya was getting married soon…and Philip was visiting India to start life afresh…Three of us wished each other good luck and parted ways that night…

My vacation was going as per plan…Surprising dad with a car on his birthday…throwing a party on his retirement…meeting friends and relatives…traveling around…the typical happy vacation for a once in a year visitor!! .A few thousand kilometers away Philip had come down to start life afresh…Going through a painful divorce he was under lot of emotional stress…….And he had decided to turn a fresh leaf and start life all over again, quit his well paid job abroad to find a new one in India and start everything on a clean slate…While Jaya and myself bid Philip good bye during the get together, I was not sure that I would be meeting him any time soon…coz he would never come back from India if everything went as per plan…I was both happy and sad at the same time…Happy that he was positive after going through the emotional atychaar on his personal front and sad that I would be missing a good friend back here…

Two weeks later I get a mail from Jaya…Her mail read…

“Hey...sorry to disturb your vacation…but I had to tell you this!…Philip met with an accident in India…He was driving in his new car with his mom in Delhi…His mom passed away on the spot…Philip is in serious condition…His number is xxxxxxxxx…take care...Jaya “

There are times in your life when you start questioning...”Why it happens to me!!” …But that day I was asking...”Why it happened to him!!”… To someone who had left the country where he was working for 10 years hoping to get over with trauma of parting with his wife and kid…how bad could it get!! I could manage only bits and pieces of information from his Punjabi dad…Two weeks later I got a call from Philip himself...

I am normally not short of words…But when I have to talk to someone who has just gone through a huge loss like this…or someone suffering from painful physical / emotional injury….I am at loss for words…But when he called up that day, the first thing he said…

“Hey dude…why don’t you come down to the hospital …there are so many beautiful mallu nurses here…!!”

I smiled at his sense of humor…his ability to joke and make me laugh inspite of what he was going through…Philip had multiple fractures on his hands…His facial bones were crushed…and a good deal of skin on his face lost….One of his eyes is probably damaged…A team of 8 doctors had performed surgery on him for 11 hours just after the accident…His face had to be simply held up by a assembly of metal rods and plates!!!.They were amazed how he was after all alive!!! But then he is a proud sardar who wouldn’t give up without a fight!! His jaw bones were broken and he could hardly speak…And yet he was checking out about my vacation…or whether I have gone bride hunting…and whether I was having a gala time with friends…He wished me a merry christmas….And when he ended the call he just said ‘take care’ as always..!!! Me?

I talked to him a couple of times later….Meanwhile I was back after my vacation and getting used to my routine life….A call few days ago, Philip told me that he was coming back to continue rest of his treatment abroad…Apparently it had already cost him 10 lakh rupees in a span of 2 weeks and unfortunately his foreign insurance wouldn’t cover it…He flew back alone from Delhi….a excruciating 14 hrs flight spending a night in between at an airport inside of being in a hospital bed… He wouldn’t even tell us when he would reach the city since he wouldn’t want anyone of us to bothered to pick him up at the airport…On the same day he got himself admitted to a hospital here…

Few days ago….Myself and Jaya went to the hospital to meet him for the first time since the accident…It was almost a month ago when we had met up last…We were chilling over some wine at one of the christmas markets back then ..All three of us had something to look forward that day…my vacation, Philip’s plan to start afresh and Jaya’s wedding… So we were obviously quite happy that day…But for my flight next day afternoon, I think we would have just stayed back fooling around… But that day when I met him in the hospital…I was shocked!! I was shocked that I almost cried!! Meeting him in the shape he was in, it was hard for us to just act normal…I tired my best to put a regular look and did not want Philip to know that how dismayed I was….But then we were not good actors!!

It happens that when you see someone change so much in a span of a month, you forget how to react for a moment…We talked for a few hours in the hospital with Philip…A month on liquid food, the sturdy sardar had become a frame of bones…how much can a soup help! .His face disfigured and swelling all over…plastic surgery done with skin grafted from his legs….This was not the Philip I could imagine…Philip was tired…and in pain…but he was putting a brave face…A lesser mortal would have succumbed long ago!! On the way out from hospital, I did not know what to talk with Jaya...and I could see that she did not know either…

There are moments in our life when it suddenly strikes how helpless we could be…how fragile our life is….how much human relations matter…how important it is to love others...and to be loved…how desperate you would want god to hear you…..all these thoughts just came flashing by!! Some times when I have those one to one silent conversations with god I complain about trivial things which I thought were big in my perspective…we crib about people not reciprocating camaraderie, love…we crib about work…we crib about lack of respect from others….but then….when I saw real pain…i couldn’t help but think how na├»ve I was….I realized when I saw him the importance of having good friendships..(Not the 'hi-wassup-take care'-thing)..i mean real ones…how important it is to take care of people around you…how important a hug can be…I also realized how powerless as humans we are…

Dear lord, I know I have bored you several times with my little requests and its probably a overflowing mail box…but this time I really wish you would help Philip recover fast…Its hard for me as a fellow human being and a friend to see him and feel all helpless.. A little prayer for Philip to reduce his pain…to make his life worthwhile again!! Please give him the strength to fight and recover his confidence…to fight the adversities!! Over the past one week when I visit him I attempt to make him laugh with my silly jokes and though I manage to make him once in a while I realize deep down he is missing the love of a family…Its hard being in pain…but its harder not to have a family around…I wish to anyone who reads this…Love your family, your friends without any strings attached…Love them without expecting anything in return…these are little things which often we realize when it is too late….I wish Philip recovers soon and gets to start life afresh….as he had wished!!


P.S. This post probably not the happiest one to start a day with... but then i couldnt help express it...

Update
For many who have asked how Philip is doin....
He is doing much better than the day I put this post...he has gained a few kilos thanks to some solid food he has started taking..On a positive note there seems to be some vision left in his damaged eye which could probably be rectified with surgery....He has a couple of surgeries in the pipeline...But the dude is in much better spirits now...Infact good enough that we actually had a beer together....Thanks a lot for all who have prayed for him...it has definitely helped him!!

31 comments:

ann said...

May Lord Bless him to be back with all vigour at the earliest.
all prayers.dont have words Mathew.this is what we call life..!

Small Talk said...

This too shall pass away....
Shall include ur frnd in my prayers...I m sure All will be well soon....U too tk care....

TME said...

Will surely remember Philip in prayers.

Anonymous said...

i am a regular reader though commenting for the first time. Couldn't help but write this since i went thru the same situation as you last year. a very dear friend suffered a serious illness, which he battled for a long time, and there were times when we thought we had lost him. but God heard our prayers, and a year later, he is quite back to normal. but the memories shake us to this day.

my prayers for your friend. it is moments like these that make us realise how vulnerable we are, no matter how much older or wiser we are. we have to be thankful for all the things of joy before us, not forget to see His blessings in even the tiniest morsels of life around us - family, friends, daily sustenance, and the rest...

--Bilal

nimmi said...

It is very difficult to see your loved ones in pain ..Wishing your friend a speedy recovery!!

anN-series said...

many years ago i had a very good classmate of mine face a dangerous illness at that point i hads the same thoughts...'why him?'...and out of his sheer determination and the help of medicines and friends he recovered..... I hope the same for your friend...

How do we know said...

I WILL pray for ur friend.. ppl as gutsy as him shld live... and well..

silverine said...

Amen! My prayers are with Philip!

Dhanya said...

I also realized how powerless as humans we are…

I know how it feels.. Will surely pray for your friend.. With so much courage and determination he has to come back to normal soon.. no other way.. and he has the advantage of having good friends like u around..

Zahra said...

Reading about it is painful enough...can't even imagine what ur pal's gng through...

Philip's definitely in my prayers. Cliched as it may sound,this phase might just prove to be the turning point for him and a lot of people around....in a good way.

Ashwathy said...

wishing ur friend a very speedy recovery. he has the willpower to pull thru something like this... he's different and special... always remember that. he'll pull thru... and be back to normal, no make that better than normal.
and he's lucky to have a friend like you :-)

Annie said...

essateVery nice of you to write such experiences. A retrospection to every one in their life. Once we understand how helpless we can become without our loved ones at any stage of life, we understand how important it is to accept each other.

Usha said...

my prayers are with Philip..
I'm sure he'll be up and running soon.

You are so right when you say that as humans we are helpless at the face of such adversities.. but as friends, we can be of much more solace and support that we might ever realise.. I'm glad for Philip that he's got friends like you by his side. God bless him recover soon.. Take care!

Emmanuel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emmanuel said...

Hope he recovers fully. Wish you strength to give him a strong support.

All prayers. have nothing else to say.

Happy Kitten said...

Your post in itself is a prayer for your dear friend.. we can do nothing else but join you in your prayers .... May the good Lord bless Philip...

yes.. we are mere mortals and life can change drastically for each of us at any moment...

anishthomas said...

Hmmm certain things are not in our hands ...like our birth, choice of our relatives and more and more.Even many times i asked almighty why certain things happen .We can't explain that.Only he know the reason behind that.
My prayers are with philip.May god give strength him to handle all this and help him to recover fast

Urs....Jina said...

I cant even begin to imagine how it is...This year has not been so good to me. But again, seeing what others go through I feel my troubles are so insignificant.
I dont know to decipher the meaning of it in the big picture. But maybe, like they say it all happens for the best.

Dewdrop said...

My prayers are with your friend. Hope he gets well soon. Amen.

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

shall pray. sad it takes situations like this to inspire your last para. strange are the ways of God, but accepting it is the best survival formula

Cris said...

Dear Mathew, I feel as wordless as you are.. As I read what you wrote, I could see a Philip who was well and strong and one that lay in a hospital bed with little hopes of living afresh..
Hoping the best for Philip and immediately going to reach some of the family n friends I have somehow distanced myself from..

You should maybe tell Philip how many people are hoping and praying for him... it might help to come back to life when you feel there are so many people who worry about you..

Shrutz said...

Told you already. Hope he is feeling better :)

maggi said...

Hey...
Best wishes to Phillip :). nice post!

Devil Incarnate... said...

Sometimes things happen in such a way that, we r left to do nothing but to b mere spectators, we r soo powerless...

May God bless him and hope that he will recover soon....

...nIShAntH... said...

Sometimes life is so unfair.Dont know what to comment...Hope Philip recovers soon.
take care man :)

Ashwadhy said...

A prayer for Philip and his friends! God bless. Keep the faith and hang in there buddy.

You pulled a string.

wanderlust said...

Dear Mathew,

Your post caught me at a very sensitive time when I was going through a personal low. When I read this, yes it made me think as you said, we waste so much of our time over trivial matters.

May God give Philip a speedy recovery and a hppy life and may he also give you the courage to help him go through this phase in life. Godbless!

meinleben said...

seems i missed your 2 posts.

my prayers are with your friend,may god give him strength to face this bad phase.

Heera

Dilawar S. said...

Dilawar Singh is going great guns! Believe, a mere (though sincere) "Thanks" is not enough to the great blogger (who without my knowledge put this jerk in the forefront) and as well to the silent well-wishers. Have so much to say but unlike the blessed Mathew, I'm a failure when it comes to put feelings/thoughts in black n' white. Have been religiously following this blogspot since almost a year now but somehow refrained from commenting to this particular blog.....for, probably I didn't know how it feels to feel other's pain. Today, I manage to collect my myself for someone (dear to me) and the least I can do is to thank all you magnanimous Eggheads for all those prayers and wishes, which did indeed work.

This Frankenstein's face is in much better shape now ...though still on and off, I find one or the other excuse to date the Nurses and/or Lady Doxs in the Hospital ;-)... ((Not to be mistaken with a philanderer))

Thanks again guys!!

Soni said...

You were right ..... I had tears in eyes !!!

Anonymous said...

I am new joinee here. Philip, whom I know as Dilawar, will always be in our prayers too. Wish there was more that I could do for him but the least I can do is still be his friend and be there for him when he needs it. Its good to know that he is surrounded by several of you who feel his pain and haven't left his side. - Nisha