Tuesday, March 17, 2009

FOLLOW ME!!!*

“Fellow country man…the time has come…the time has come for CHANGE....together WE CAN!”
...announced Pappu Yadav during the election rally..

Taking the cue his personal hedge fund manager made some well placed calls and got change in crisp 100 rupee notes from his stashed up Swiss bank accounts. According to Hero No 1,there are plenty of takers as its customary during holi time to bring CHANGE to the masses.

Meanwhile christians in Mangalore can finally observe the Holy week after convincing sena loks that its actually Holi week and confirming to the sacred book of Indian culture!! A generous Muthalik has agreed to a public holiday on Easter to emphasize that he is not anti-western as stereotyped… Danke schon bro!!

Election campaign is on full swing elsewhere…

Reporter: “Sir…what do you say about the campaign promises made during the last election”
Politician: “dekho…I promised to eradicate obesity related deaths in my constituency and I have kept my promise”
Reporter: “It’s true sir… People now die only of malnutrition or suicide”
Politician: “Well!! I kept my promises...isn’t?”
Reporter: “Sir…Could you please tell us the work you have done for you consistency in the last 5 years”
Politician:”Well...I have made my consistency pollution free…and the transport system has been improved to be environment friendly…we are a responsible people you know!”
Reporter: “But sir…There is not a single industry that has come up in your town and the train you promised never came!!”
Politician: “That’s exactly the point…”

Another reporter reports from Andhra Pradesh.
Election commission taking note of excessive spending orders Shakeela to keep things to bare minimum. Fans confused.

In Karnataka, IT minister’s confirms his statement about industry being in the pink of health was a slip of the tongue. Employees still confused.

A regional party in Kerala splits into five different factions. The erstwhile party president who suffers from split personality syndrome is not sure which faction he belongs to. Party workers confused.

The new manifesto from the left declares ambitious plans to land man in Utopia. Protests from ISRO scientist drowned in widespread cheering from cadres.

BSP manifesto mentions a Mayawati theme park in Guruvayoor.

Other news
Fevicol had recently announced that they will use the “third front” as their new brand ambassador...Unfortunately the plans are shelved as many of the pieces did not arrive in time for the shoot.

NGO from Pakistan arrives in India to study the election process. On the way back talking to the press they express satisfaction in understanding the working as presented by election commissioner except for two unfamiliar words...Free and Fair….They say its usual Few and Rare in their country!

News from abroad

Italian prime minister has extended an olive branch to the Greek president to end long standing hostilities...But new controversy opens when the president was caught on camera giving it to the presidential cook ..


Zardari, Nawaz Sharif and Musharaf were flying together. Zardari wanted the plane to land in Islamadabad…Sharif wanted to land in Lahore and Musharaf wanted to fly all the way till Karachi air force base…All three called up the pilot over the intercom… The pilot comes out, removes his mask and asks where is the nearest American embassy…Osama doesn’t like landing on airstrips he shouts! And there was silence.

Election masala news ends here…But I think there is some new fella coming up in Delhi who keeps us entertained every other day.. Thank you for listening and as Azharuddin might now say I am in it just to make a ‘silly point’!

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY (thats how we call grandma) her snap in orkut says.."who said that 8 & 1 is 81; I'm just 18 "*

*Used to be a signature line by a friend in college.

19 comments:

Praveen said...

another hilarious post:D
the 'confusion' part was the best..

and then few and rare,,,hehhee...pakis rock:P

Priya said...

U really need a nice blog humor award buddy. Damn cool.

amalbose said...

hilarious one.. as always..

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Awesome. Was waiting when you'll put up a post on the 5 yearly festival in India-Elections; and boy you didn't disappoint. Hilarious as usual, but it does bring out the dark truths about the country and its politicians.

Nitram said...

I am thinking of canceling my subscription to CNN, provided you come out with more of these news capsules! At least with all the humor here, i will probably live longer!
:D

silverine said...

lol!!! Good one!

Jackfruit said...

that was fun reading :)

At election time, I have an extra hobby of following political cartoons in news paper :D:D

mathew said...

@Praveen
thanks dude...;-D

@Proya
thank you..:)

@amalbose
danke schon!;-D

@Abhi
As you said its sad at the same time..and it never is changing every 5 years...:(

@Nitram
I ll watch CNN as long as Jon Stewart is there.;-D

@silverine
thank you.:)

@Jackfruit
I miss those cartoons..happened to see a few of em in a blog..they are stark reminders..

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

Good stuff. Clever! This in particular:

In Karnataka, IT minister’s confirms his statement about industry being in the pink of health was a slip of the tongue. Employees still confused.

scorpiogenius said...

How you are able to come up with one post after another of such hilarious ideas man??!!

Hats off!

Deepti said...

Excellent Post!!! oh Fevicol or Feviquick i wonder .. and they have the symbol too elephant from behenji ;)

usha said...

'still confused' :D
funny one!

on a different note: confusion is what our politicians ride on, aint it?

thomman said...

Hilarious post, but I liked mummy's quip the most, :))

mathew said...

@Karthik
thank you..I was not sure that joke was obvious enough..;-D

@scorpiogenius
thanks a lot.:-)

@Deepti
Is it..hehe..havenot seen the new fevicol box yet.;-P

@Usha
exactly..would they have survived without that potion...

@Thomman
hehe..I just called grandma..and she is talking true to her orkut status..hard to say 81!!:-)

Rahul S. Nair said...

good one again.. enjoyed it a lot.. thanks.. :D

But one thing is that some of your previous posts are better than this.. :)

Ann said...

hmmmm..Lol Maths as always loved reading the pieces:
would suggest two additions
1.School of drama have decided to setup a special curriculum update committee to shoot and analyse the reactions of some of the disappointed 'sincere' politicians who were been discarded to serve their people for another term ..News is that 'navarasams' are to be declared as an old branch,since we have great actors who have come up with more innovative ones !!
2.Pressure invokes deep creative pain everyone know !! Happy that Politicians are joining the saga too..thus informs news from Delhi..Many those who are waiting for tickets are onto creative work..Long live Indian Democracy !!

Bindhu Unny said...

Regional, national, international - you didn't spare anyone. I guess your humor gene came from your 18-year old grandma. :-)

Dhanya said...

lol Apply for a reporter job pls ;)

mathew said...

@Rahul
thanks..:-)

@Ann
hehehe..yes..i wish it doesnot turn out to be a real circus..

@Bindhu
thank you...I must say my grandma has an excellent sense of humour...she can pull of one-liners effortlessly..and more importantly she loves to laugh!!


@Dhanya
hehe..thanks..