Sunday, January 25, 2009

To drive home a point!!

During the trip home, the first major roadblock was to convince Mom that I still knew how to drive a car. coz she was saying…

”Chekku haven’t driven a car for 1.5 years, you must have forgotten it...”

This comes from someone whose driving test went like…

License Inspector: “OK...Do you know ‘H’?”
Mom: “Uh…I am an English teacher… Do you know what a “past participle” is?
License inspector: “Err...madam…we have to ask we ask “8” for two wheelers”
Mom: “Well there again…you bribed into this job haven’t you…Do you know what a CLUTCHUU is!!”
Mom (over to me pointing at the gear): “Edaa….you call this CLUTCHUU alle… ”
License inspector (looking at me in pity): “OK…License issued madam!!!!”

And armed with a license she set foot on the pedal in pursuit of long drives. Of the 25000 kms our car has done she has contributed a generous 12 meters…And those 12 meters...My dear Henry Ford!!!!

Remember scenes from the movie SPEED, a couple of Prem Nazir car chases and little miss sunshine all rolled in one. That would explain how it felt!! Not bad considering the learning experience at the Sarathy driving school which taught her the finer points about driving. The niche “ladies-only school” where the alumnus was more enthusiastic in discussing global prices fluctuations (to say precisely at Palayam market) and product supply management (no milk at home…could you spare a packet for me).
Unknown to general public is the fact that most damaged leaky buildings or otherwise known as heritage monuments in and around Trivandrum aren’t the handiwork of natural disasters as many think but the ladies who passed out from this driving school!! Historians have noted that as a consequence only a part of the legendary east fort still exists and rumors say that even chandresekharan nair stadium (which is like Kerala’s Colosseum) once used to be complete. Well, I concluded the only way mom could drive is when they invent a voice activated car which would take her where she wants when you say “MOVE”!!

Well getting back to my interest in driving I managed after some convincing to take the car out for a drive…It was difficult in the beginning to keep tab of the complex traffic laws in our system...i.e…you shouldn’t follow it when you are driving in India…

Once, while waiting for the lights to change at an intersection, I was stared down by drivers behind me with an ”Are you crazy look”. And I pointed them towards the lights which were still red….Now my friend accompanying me was giving the same looks…and I said...”Daa...they are Red”

“Whaat...They are just an ad campaign for bulbs…we have them everywhere…they are special disco bulbs which Philips is aggressively marketing…they become yellow and green sometime…quite retro!!”

Schmuck…I was losing my good civic sense!!...

After a few kilometers , I slowed near a zebra crossing which seemed to have last got a coat of paint during the second world war...Here I was met with an old gentleman who was crossing the road..…The surprised look, like of a child who just discovered something said…

“OMG!!...“I never knew it all these years….car’s STOP at the zebra crossing!!!!”

Soon I got hang of the things and inspite of being severely criticized for not honking every 2 minutes which is the average frequency for most vehicles back home, I was driving fine. Besides the driving rules one critical part of the experience are the roads. In my city roads serve dual purposes and hence administered together by the surface transport (during summer) and water transport ministry (during monsoons).

Talking of other road matters I have news for folks who say there is no employee satisfaction in government jobs …Numismatics Club (specializing in 500 Gandhi notes) is popular among most employees and even a very vibrant archaeology club exists at PWD .In passionate pursuit they have dug up most roads in the state uncovering rare rusted sewage pipes, plastic bags, old tires and other such valuable artifacts... Though as a minor side effect I couldn’t find a road to drive my car.

Sometimes their antics resulted in inter-department conflicts too…like with the flyover under construction at bakery junction in my city…Archaeological survey of India has now locked horns with PWD who attempting to finish the flyover work which was started decades ago…As ASI argues that partly constructed piles do now have an heritage value of national importance which must be protected at all costs!!

Amidst all the tussles I am in NH-47 at cruise mode. A stretch of road which is still virgin from the handiworks of digging club…Listening to Hotel California, enjoying the breeze from Arabian Sea and tapping my fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm , I am driving at a relaxed pace. Bro says I am looking like a stoned Mr. Beans…

But wait, Do I see a KSRTC bus behind!!

And he said "JIM CARREY!!"

Wishing you all a Happy Republic Day. The essence of this day couldnt have been put better than what is written here.


Cris said...

Hey I am on Mom's side. Of course she knew what he was talking about, thats what you get for asking silly questions. Actually I think its an I.

Ann said... just imagining what you are going to scribe in the coming paras..(not "para"ha ha).But you know the idea of voice activated vehicles are not a bad idea..As such we have a driving culture of fractious ego where we are into our own innovations on the already horrible roads.
Reg the lights and zebra,lol and lol...I can understand.I am a person who drives at a stretch from ekm to tvm..(a very careful one)met with several encounters of these kind..ha ha.
'passionate pursuit they have dug up most roads in the state uncovering rare rusted sewage pipes, plastic bags, old tires and other such valuable artifacts..(well said lol)
and the entire family is english teachers ? thats interesting too.

silverine said...


As a sign of protest for this post, all lady drivers in the country will ram at least one vehicle driven by a man today. And this time we will be doing it intentionally unlike other time when it happens due factors beyond our control. I have already inaugurated the protest...infact I do it everyday actually, but only as a sign of protest mind you and not due to any lack in driving skills! You watch what you write you MCP....unless you want to donate a few limbs and organs to the Archaeological Society of India! X(

Yours very angrily,


The Lady Drivers and Recipe Swappers and Tupperware Agents Association of India (affiliated to all major hospitals and trauma care facilities)

Prasoon said...

LOL. This was nice :)
Philips bulbs, retro, zebra crossing incident - 'Twas all good. The comment above btw makes the post an even moreinteresting dialog. I wanna hear more from the secretary now. :P

Mind Curry said...

on behalf of the All India Association of Women Related Trauma (Physical and Mental) Care Specialists, i whole heartedly support the secretary of the LDRSTAA for her thoughtful actions. she has been one of the most regular and highest contributors to our pool of inpatients in the bangalore division. we cannot ignore her words. hail ladies! hail ladies! hail ladies!

P.S. please check if your mom is interested in joining the LDRSTAA.

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

How much ths post made me miss TVM. *Sigh*. I've had similar sessions when driving my bike with mom sitting behind me. Everytime i overspeed or jump a signal she'd give a tight clutch on my shoulder. This goes on until i get to tolerable limits, ie 20 kmph.

PS: I still rem the class on figures of speech taken by your mom back in school. Such nice days, wish i cd relive them. *senti*

mathew said...

Well….well…this world in unfair!!! Anyways I forgive you considering the fact that you haven’t seen my mom in car!!

Thank you…it would be a nice idea to patent such a car.
I drove in both NH-47 as well as MC road…Both were a pleasure as usual!!;-D
No we have just two English teacher’s in our family! Mom...and her sister..

@Dear honourable Secretary
I agree to your first statement considering that very little is left among lady drivers in our roads.

Reports are already pouring in from across the country about the success of protests.
My deep-felt condolences to the brave souls who forgot to brake during a protest drive at the beach read. It might be of interest for you that fishermen have started counter protests ever since they have been catching more cars than fish in the Arabian sea.

However it is glad to know that the protest have resulted in several damaged cars, which men actu-ally cant bear being glad about. We have now an alibi to buy our next car!

A very glad driver.

Thanks…I hope not...This secretary has incinerating capabilities!!

@ Mind Curry
Yeah...I think mom is already part of the club!! Considering the support from likes of Silverine/Cris :-D

However its with deep regret we receive the news of AIAWRTCS endorsing LDRSTAA. Your exploit-ing one of the major tragedies in recent times!!

Everytime we drive together, the person who is most conscious in the car is mom…And is like a voice warning system for incoming traffic. :-D
Don’t remind me of English grammar scares me…

silverine said...

@Mind Curry: ROTFL!!! =))

thomman said...

Man, this is an epidemic, i mean the driving of women; Ippum ammaye achan vandiyil thodeeppikkaarilla. :D Hey, the ending was smashing, beans to jim carrey rofl. :))

@silverine & mindcurry: lol, nice one folks.

Karthik Sivaramakrishnan said...

ROFL@Mom, License inspector conversation!

Mishmash ! said...

A post that makes one chuckle from beginning to end :)

it reminded me of some of my adventures/blunders.......pakshe evide ezhuthi veruthe naarunnilla....Already the 'secretary' is quite angry :))

Rahul S. Nair said...

happy Republic day!!!

Moms!!! Every mom is a bird of the same feather... :)

And The point was well Driven home.. :)...

Radhika Ganesan said...

Lol ... was funny to read and i would also protest along with Silverine...

I don't think girls are bad drivers ! Once it happened that all my Tl's [Team leads] (one lady, rest gents) went out for some work, the lady was driving and when they returned one of the Tl's was missing. On inquiring we got to know that while she was driving , this guy commented that girls aren't good drivers. She dropped him mid way to come back on his own ! I guess that's the treatment that guys should be body messes up with her ! :D

Srijith Unni said...

LOL! good write up there. BTW, that zebra crossing part actually reminds me, how people have forgot that lesson completely. Some people actually drive faster on zebra crossing. They forget that it is the pedestrians who are supposed to be zebras.!

mathew said...


@Thomman took just a few minutes of convincing from me..Presence of bro was a competition for me..;-D

thanks dude...have read about it before!..what to say..;-p

hehe...please do write a post..a cusine plus driving experience post would be one of a kind!!

wishing you the same..
yeah..agree to it completely..

@Radhika Ganesan
LOL!! thats one smart lady!!
well..ofcoz this post is in light humour..i have seen really excellent woman drivers...But am ready to pay a fortune if you can teach Amma to drive!;-D

sherikkum...the concept of Zebra crossing is more or less redundant now..half the blame should go to drivers and rest to pedestrians who care less too..

Jyothsna said...

Howlarious!!:) I had written something on the Mumbai traffic before... The autos in Mumbai are very scary, esp when you haven't been in one for a very long time!

Radhika Ganesan said...

:D ... keep the papers ready ... i am sure she will be a nice student !

Bindhu Unny said...

Don't you know slowing down at zebra crossings is against traffic rules? I learned it the hard way when the driver (male) of the car behind mine got angry at me for slowing down and overtook from the left; he almost hit my car. ::-)
Btw, was this post on 'how good/bad woman drivers are'? :-)

Dhanya said...

LOL.. But I fully support your mom and will join the protest with the Secretary ;)

Jackfruit said...

well you are better off. My mother who does not drive gives me driving tips :D:D ... by I believe it is more of a motherly thing they can't help being bossy :D:D

maggi said...

hehehe!! too gud! The conversation b/w the inspector n mom was awesome! :)

ursjina said...

im still holding my belly and laughing...
atleast ur mom is so much better than my mom...
She is phobic of traffic!!!

Anonymous said...


Ur blogs r really hilarious...I enjoyed esp the mandan kunju's euro that fiction or for real?,,,

U can visit my blog too when u get time..

r u on orkut too by the way?...


VMJ said...

da kidilam post...for me the best part was the idea that chandrashekaran nair stadium once used to be complete. hehe. imagine how that would have looked like. :)

usha said...

:D :D :D
Your Mom's supercool! :D

Deepti said...

Damn cool post :) .. Should i talk to Renuka chaudhary .. Women's welfare minster .. I think we need a ministry to look into our driving rights :D

mathew said...

thank you....yeah i guess we are a lot of awfully spoilt drivers..;-D


ofcoz was not a critic post..i know equally horrible riders of both sexes..

hehe...where is our union!!

haha..yeah..not overtly careful..

thanks a lot..

phobic to traffic..ayyo..probably get her to start driving!!:-D

thanks a lot..and reading through the posts..yeah this is fiction though a little bit inspired from real life..

hehe.. :-D
ever since i remember it look like "under construction"!


hahaha...not really arent you..;-P