It was the spring of 2006.The fall colors at its vibrant best and a young Indian arrived in Germany...The foreign land beckoned and he thought he was trained enough to survive living abroad having gone through a online course on cultural familiarity for folks visiting Deutschland. It said if you don’t talk about Nazism or politics in Germany then you are perfectly at home there…Well that was easy I thought until something happened…
Alster pavilion restaurant…7:00 pm
Those days I was discovering the amazing variety German cuisine had to offer. There was sausage served on a paper plate…sausage served on a plastic plate and even sausage served on porcelain…It somehow got me thinking of the days to come when I would wake up in the middle of the night shrieking…”another sausaaaaaaage…Nooooooo.. please.…No…for my stomach sake.”
But then like angels that you were told would come from nowhere I saw it...The grace and poise which you would expect only from the best…I was both thrilled and chilled at the same time…Very rarely do you see guys doing this with the same passion like mothers cradle babies.
As I started enjoying the Becks I looked at Heineken and it was giving me those looks…
“Where have you been all these years?”
Not wanting to disappoint anyone I expressed my vows to keep in touch with all…And after a few beers I was like wow…am drinking like the Germans…I still can count up to 6 on my fingers…
So I realized that it was enough that I proved that a Indian can drink as much a German…All that pride came crashing down when Olaf announced.
“Now that we are done with starters…lets have some drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Aren’t we all drunk...”
No one was giving damn attention to my question…
“You mean a few vodka shots...and that enormous bottle of glenmorangie..uh”
“Whaat….are u serious”
“hehehe... surely u must be jokin…hehehe..i know..i know”
“Jeez…leave me out of this…you drink more than what a normal panchayat back home can manage… :-O ”
As I was still trying to figure out that extra sixth finger, there was this parallel sixth sense that I shouldn’t wait any longer to dispense the beer in my kidneys or whatever…
And I walked straight to the loo but I couldn’t find the usual photos of the faceless man or woman which tells me where I should be actually heading too...Instead I found 2 doors each having something in deutsch written on top…This is how my brain worked that day..
HERREN…mm...Like the “HER”...so it must be a she.!!
Wow…how good am at comprehending foreign languages. I must be like Einstein or something!!!
As I slowly moved to the other door it said…
DAMEN…mm…like of the “MEN”…so sure it is HE!!!
The rest are excerpts from a security camera which captured the following events.
Furious german lady.. “Sie schlecht, wie man es wagen Sie .. .. Cant Sie sehen eine Frau, die ihre Toilette .. Sie krank Idiot ll .. ich die Polizei rufen ..”
“ayyoo…sorry..I no..no..not intentional..english speak do you??”
As the unidentified suspect was escorted by security officials out of the restaurant the poor victim knew what to do that evening…He bought a dictionary from the nearest shop …That day he learned some lessons the hard way.
For the benefit of mankind and all future visitors to this country…
n. pl. Her·ren (h r n) Abbr. Hr.
Used as a courtesy title in a German-speaking area, prefixed to the surname or professional title of a man.
n. lady, woman; Queen (chess)