A Holistic approach to Politics by Dr.Mathew Asparagus SSLC.MA.PhD.MBBS

I often wonder who gave birth to the Politicians…who gave birth to idea of political parties...who first thought about having elections…Have you guys ever thought of such serious problems amidst pondering over other silly questions like ‘What is purpose of life’?

My 9-year-old niece thinks her purpose of life is to run away with Harry Potter and make Idli’s for him. Everyone has got a purpose in life like I know, am destined to be the new messiah of peace in a troubled and simmering world. Even worse, politicians do have a purpose in life as well which they often proclaim during election rallies…

Like recently in a heartfelt speech at an election rally it was the turn of the rural mahila leader who had recently taken an English rapidex course (just to boost her urban image) to explain her purpose…

‘Dear Brothers and sisters…it is true…it is true that my two sons’ are’ illegitimate’…

Amidst sighs of shocked party workers…

‘‘Yes my dear people...they don’t know how to read or write…’

“I want them educated and talking to computers…and I want everyone in my village to talk with computers…Aam aadmi ko roti kapada pen drive aur download accelerator...yeh hamara naya nara hein”

Only later after party aides revealed to the ‘motherly leader’ did she realize the gaffe…In a later notification to the press, leader Mahamahidevi has clarified that her children were indeed illicit and not illiterate as previously mentioned. While some end their career like this, we have others who refuse to die. Like a famous man who was in ‘general’ ready to step down when order is restored in his country.

Willy old man successfully cheated (hehehe..I can’t stop chuckling when that name comes up) Bush by telling him he will ban Taliban. But who cares about Taliban when its all about elections in the USA…But has anyone bothered about the serious implications of Obama running for the president…

Just think about those senile soda glass American voters who would surely having a tough time figuring out Obama in the ballot paper and in shear horror would vote for any other candidate other than Osama…can you imagine the money insurance companies stand to lose in case of a slight mistype by a Washington post newsprint editor on a bad day.

OSAMA IS THE NEW AMERICAN PRESIDENT!!

Catastrophic times dude…there would be riots…Gotta change your name to something more neutral like “Vakkom Vasuettan”

Amidst all talk about politics I had serious issues to sort back home... I have decided to file a complaint against dad for racist comments…a decade or so back when I was playing cricket at the MCG (Muttada cricket Ground) with the Ditto and Jikku...I remember Jikku hollering at me....

’Monkey...go get the ball’…

Unable to bear the insult I ran towards Appa and complained…

‘Appa…Jikku is using racist slur on me…he called me a monkey…bwaahahaha....’

‘Donkey!!!...go and start reading your physics text book…hmmm...full time cricket...cricket….wants to become a cricket star…uh….do you wanna see taree zamin par…ehh.’

A extremely offended me finally couldn’t bear it and asked Amma to get a written apology from Appa and slash my ‘expected marks’ for the three upcoming unit tests…The ICC (Innum Chutikaam council) decided to turn a blind eye against those derogatory remarks...But on a global level things were not cooling off that easily. Seeing the disgusting turn of events a politician vented his fury…

“Mere desh vaasiyoon...yeh Australian khiladiyan “rapist” hein…hum yeh kabhi tolerate nahin karenge…Yeh naa insaafi ke virudh mera ek anushodhan yaatra kal Gandhi park mein hogaa…sab log chaaku…pathar...aur kerosene ke saath kripyaa assemble kare..”

Amidst all these the average malayalee isn’t happy just with national politics…they think international or err global… like this incident at a barbershop in Kerala.

An old man dint get his usual manorama/deshabhimani and grabs the Indian express lying on the table…Dude after clearing his throat was sure to impress other naadans looking at the English reading parushkaari*…

He mumbles slowly…

Fr…Fr…French presidents are Kozhi**…..

Turning to the other people sitting besides him…

‘Pathetic people...these French…after all isn’t he a president!!’

‘Now the Barber looses his cool and hands the paper to his son who read the headline that was…

French president Sarkozy arrives on a three day state visit.

The old man had a close shave that day and never returned to the barbershop.

You hate it or not... Politics and politicians are part of our life... the silver lining is even though we blame our political parties for all hullabaloo and dirty politicking we have to admit to have the geekiest parties…there is no denial of that...Never wonder our country is doing so good at it …

No one takes IT as seriously as our people do..;-P

*parushkaari~slang word for westernised person

**Kozhi~ chicken