Its party time...

Last Saturday I was invited by a malayalee uncle for a party at his house and as I am obliged by German law (which roughly when translated means “Free food don’t say No”) the offer was gracefully accepted with an emphatic YES.

And years of training and rigorous practice has taught me two things:-

1) Starve yourself four hours before any party for maximum utilization.
2) And two, your stomach already knows there is a party coming, so it’s your duty or karma to meet the hype.

And so after emotionally preparing and giving sufficient time for the afternoon mutton curry to digest, myself and my beloved stomach waited in anticipation for the clock to strike 6….

And precisely at that moment I embarked on this noble journey for a worthwhile cause. After an uneventful ride till the house I reached the party place and was graciously welcomed and as always during such events the inbuilt sensors in my nose activated and began a complicated process of analyzing.

*chicken fry...CLICK…mmm smells awesome…set Priority 1...CLICK…search alternatives…mmmm…Fish curry…doesn’t meet CMM level 5….priority 3…CLICK…..ALARM...ALARM…..sensor detects presence of dangerously attractive substance….sensor match analysis in progress…CLICK….search matches history…CLICK…Budweiser detected….High priority…Shortage detection software launched…CLICK…Safe supplies confirmed...CLICK……Human recognition sensor requests activation…Humans around you ….Activate basic courtesies program…CLICK*

Note that this complicated process caught over a slow motion camera is over actually in .00003 seconds after a performance improvement program was initiated recently. This has helped in quick launch of BCP (Basic Courtesies program) which in circa 95 did not work most of the time according to Mathasree Pithasree Cyber Patrol (MPCP).

Me:” Haa…Kuttiachen uncle…what’s so special about the party? Your son got married is it?”
Babu Uncle: “mm…my son got married in 1997…and btw did Kuttiachen really ...”
Me:”uh…my specks…all these dust…uh….where is Kuttiachen uncle”

*SAVE YOURSELF program activated….high intensity blunder…last adavvu to be used…Pretend nothing happened. Pretend nothing happened. CLICK*

*Navigate to aunties’ zone….less risk area…*

But all hopes were dashed when a peculiarly talkative aunty creates mess in the ceasefire zone.

TA: “aah.…mone…I finally bought the computer”
Me:” great... So hows your new PC, aunty?
I guess by now you are an expert.”

TA: “oh yeah…its all fine…am so good at it…aunty virus um install cheythu.”
Me:“WHAAT?...aunty virus um install cheythoo?? :-O”
TA: “athe mone…aunty virus install cheythudei...every one says aunty virus install cheyenam ennu”
Me “aah….how can you...how did you…how…..!!”
TA: “computer medichappol those guys gave me a CD too...Norton inte anti virus aayirunnu”
Me: “duh!!”

*complete failure day….complete failure day…..navigate to German zone*

And I finally met the beautiful german wife of young german-mallu guy for whom the party was hosted.….

Me: “Hello Catherine….congratulations”
Catherine: “Danke schon…Das...ich Bitch...Ich bin…@#$#@%@#%.”

“Thengakolla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Where is the food...my good lord…save me!!”

HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL!!!!!!!