War on terror

This post is dedicated in loving memory of men and woman who were victims of the terror unleashed by a violent and cold-blooded enemy. Let’s pray for the victims in this moment of grief and pledge that we won’t leave their crimes go unpunished.

Excerpts of a speech from President Bush to the world.

“Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom -- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not fart err falter, and we will not fail”

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If you are wondering what Bush was talking about, YES, it’s about spiders, cockroaches, lizards, rats and other such terrorist group of animals who have put at stake the very existence of human race. Dear friends, this is a “rat race” we can’t afford to loose!

As one among the brave men of 21st century I am not the kind of person who will shy away from demanding times. I prefer to face the enemy, man to insect. And that’s why I have one of the world’s most lethal arsenal of cockroach repellants and anti-lizard ballistic sprays at home...

It all began several years ago…

Flashback…..

The countless times I met face to face with this enemy of our lives in bathrooms or while searching for an old pair of chappals in the attic …That day of tribulation , I saw one distant cousin of the tarantula near the soap box…But they say real men rise to the occasion in adversity and when alone…
And I ran for my life …

With all due to respect to Spiderman, I hate you for glorifying this dangerous animal to the levels of superstardom. In school several friends of mine caught spiders with a hidden ambition of becoming Spiderman someday, only to end up with gooey rashes and severe fever. Would these guys have been a bit realistic or sensible….Spiderman for godsake against Phantom...talking of matches…eh!!

Talking of another if not equally dangerous predator are the cockroaches who with their winged capabilities have given me countless sleepless nights. I remember running out of home for approximately 3 kilometers when I heard mom asking me to bring a broom when she supposedly spotted one of them in a dangerously combative position…It was the sheer bravery of my brother who apparently have a fascination for killing cockroaches that saved inhabitants of the house on that fateful day.

Often my humble expectations of a safer world are put off by another of them called the lizards whose only occupational hazard seems to get jammed at door hinges. Lizards though seemingly harmless are like a disaster waiting to happen. They would evolve into dinosaurs one day and outgrow their current size to turn into behemoth animals that could create disasters, as proved by Steve Spielberg in one of his famous movies. Do we stay quiet about all these…?

Part of the blame lies in our faulty education system. Even the widely respected source of knowledge for kids i.e. the cartoon network have made saints out of anti-human animals like Jerry who as we all know continuously harassed Tom….we are setting the wrong examples for our future generation… Ratatouille was not even banned in Iran!!!

This animal has to be destroyed under all means and I wished the United States government did give a deal for the state of Kerala where I come from, so that I could leverage the latest insect sprays from Wal-Mart to decimate these perpetrators of crime against humanity...

Fellow countrymen…Isn’t it time for us to ACT? Isn’t it time for us to do something about these infidels who create havoc at homes and especially. for certain guys like me who are genuinely protective by nature. Its time for us to exercise our rights to self defence and eradicate all of them for ever.

Regards,

Mathew
Chronic sufferer of Arachnophobia, kastaridaphobia and Scoliodentosaurophobia