No Red Carded Welcome for Machos

“YHESSSSSS…………YHESSSSSSSSSS…YESSSS”

I heard him thundering from the other room…Well ofcoz, I wondered Joe wouldn’t be audacious enough to make love with someone so blatantly oblivious of others in the same apartment. And as I glanced half awake at my watch it showed a time which I was surprised to know still existed…
4:00 am it said.
Normally I should wake up at this time only if disturbed by minor disturbances like an earthquake or a nuclear attack or say a loud Mamata Bang…But this was real loud!!

So I walked to his room to see him clenching his fist and punching in thin air.

“Edaaa…is everything OK…You must know that with your weight you wouldn’t even qualify as a feather weight boxer’s dumbbell”

“Oh yes…I am fine...it’s just the game”

And then I realized he was in a state of temporary teleportation to some place called Copa America watching some ‘Silvia’ score in a game called Football!! And that was a bloody repeat telecast!!

Oh boy I was so mistaken. Hollering about a guy who wouldn’t bat an eyelid to name his child, Valderrama. Little charming name from the beautiful game.

Football is like what sandals are to woman and that’s like the only conversational topic known among men, besides woman of course. But unfortunately are all men blessed with a golden boot? My foot!!

My passion for football started with world beater teams like Kerala Police and State bank of Travancore. Due to sheer delay in the cable television reaching home in time I was outdated soon while friends began talking about Tottenham Hotspur or West Ham which until recently was some kind of ham from the west. Poor me watched the Turning Point in DD on Sundays, I knew more about UFO’s than UEFA back then.

And by the time I reached college I was completely shattered when I came to know that those guys who wore the red jerseys were not communist’s but fans of a club called Manchester United!! Friends were encouraging and approving when we used to call our beloved professors names like Vella Paata or Centrifugal Kamil…but you don’t dare disrespect the football managers. Many of my ‘education allergic friends’ shockingly took offence for not addressing a Saar appropriately…Sir Alex Ferguson was like the most respected HOD in college!

It was sudden realization that I couldn’t survive anymore on memories of I M Vijayan or V P Sathyan…It was time to move on to Ronaldo and his name-likes whose families supply half the football clubs in the world…And as one of my friend’s say, out of sheer peer pressure I started watching the game with renewed interest…But I never got the gist of names like “Weirder” Bremen or “Bolton Wanderers” who were not gypsies of any sorts…So I pretended to be a big fan of the club which usually would be the team standing in top of the league. But it doesn’t end there coz in football discussions people end up talking about the goals someone scored against someone at someplace in some prehistoric time. And only thing you could possibly say in such dilemma’s regardless of topic...Yes Arsenal ROCKS!! That’s what always worked you know!!

Then came a time when it was not cool anymore to wear check shirts stitched at “Babu fashion tailors”….You had to wear a Football Jersey or else you are like one of the mummies in Egypt !! Though I adequately made my parents frown, wearing colorful Barcelona jerseys to funerals and weddings, it was worth it...Because it always gave a sense of ‘clubiness’ at such austere events! Hey couple, this representative from Barcelona Football Club wishes to convey greeting on your marriage!!

It is funny how people get passionate about the whole club thing… Chelsea fans from Champakulam to Valencia fans from Vadakancherry…You come across them sooner or later and they make sure you regret not being supporter of their clubs.

“What you don’t like Peter Cech”

“Nope...I prefer Dollar cheques, Do you have one?”

And then I realized it was better to stick to my idea of favourite sport...Caroms anyone?


P.S. I am a St Pauli and Arsenal fan.. :-P