Guten Appetite

Saar. Would you like to have Italian/Mexican/Chinese/Spanish/French/Thai/Indian?
I want food!! (I think he testing my geography :-O)
Saar...That’s what I asked, what kind of food..??
Indian
Saar...Vegetarian/Non-vegeterian/Humanatarian/Manchurian/Pomeranian
How dare you ask a puritan who has always abstained from green leafy things such questions? Now what??
Saar...South Indian/North Indian/East Indian/West Indian/American Indian/Pakistan occupied Indian??
For god sake bring me some south Indian chicken dish!!
Saar...Chicken chettinad/Chicken kasargod/Chicken Ooty/Chicken Hyderabadi/Chicken Maananthavaadi??
ww..waaait…Okay..I accept that you absolute rock with places. Btw ..Am I on candid camera? ;-P
Saar..Spicy..Medium spicy… Light spicy. Spicy with tinge of sweet…Sweet and sour…spicy and astringent
Thengakolla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Mallu swear word with U certification)§$§”%”!#
Sorry…Sir we don’t serve that….



Ballet Dancing…Taekwondo…Space walking…Dining out…This was part of the list that came out in international survey to find out the most challenging activities in the world. I have been hearing interesting stories on why Dining out can be a mentally and physically challenging activity...

Typically a niche restaurant has assorted weaponry like spoons, knifes, forks and an armored cloth to protect your torso…mmm…Good enough defence to protect a small country like the Vatican. These equipments are necessarily what make the diner a loser or a sore loser…But then you learn from mistake as an old wise man said and keep repeating em to prove it again and again…


1) Avoid ordering grilled chicken. Dissecting a dry fried piece of chicken is an exquisite art. Some surgeons whom I talked with said that doing a Cataract surgery with one hand is much easier. It’s like formula 1 racing. A split second mistake can cost your chicken leg, which might have landed in nearby Parthasarathy’s soup…

2) Don’t order Chinese food if you don’t have control over the slithery noodles…You might end up with noodles puffing out of your mouth and look like that girl in The Exorcist... Infact during my first few days in Germany I learned that I couldn’t basically eat the way we eat Onam Sadya back home. For those unaware of how Onam Sadya is eaten, It’s the most dignified way of eating where you eat so much that you can go actually go without food for months like the Arabian camels…

3) While having dinner with vegans never talk about how tasty that mutton chaps was…or how tasty is chicken mughalai … It is not polite to let them know how lip smacking tasty they really are..;-P
But I really understand how bad they feel when recently a Russian colleague was explaining me how tasty the buffalo tongue is. Some hardcore delicacy there…yuck… For god sake doesn’t he understand that am a pure non-vegetarian!!!

4) Don’t try forks to eat pappads especially if your boss is around you…Give the chicken leg piece to your boss and help yourself with the gravy…And during company dinners if the boss orders Palak Paneer, order the same and make sure you make it loud and clear how much you love Palak Paneer (however yuck they tastes). Breaking any of the above mentioned rules could cost your job without notice…

5) Never order “chicken 69”...There is no dish like that. I make it loud and clear there is only chicken 65!!

As I say this I ll pass a few techniques to get out of embarrassing dining goof-ups

Imagine taken a bite of something too hot and you are in a catch 22 situation. Start repeating the shloka...”“Waaah…Waah...Waah…bwaaaahahaaaaaaah” .It will spare the tongue of blisters and moreover the host might assume that you are really enjoying the food…

And sometimes it happens especially in Christian families when during dinner someone starts with a prayer...”Let us praise the lord”. And you don’t know how to finish the prayer and somehow make it up like... ”And bless the lamb who sacrificed voluntarily for our gourmet delight.”


Another important aspect is topic of conversation during the meal. Make sure that you talk about something relevant and interesting to all. Last time I had been to a project dinner I stood out like Bush in a party of Einstein, Stephen Hawking and Edison... Coz I was the only bachelor and all they talked was about baby food and the price of prams in town whereas all I wanted to talk was about Cuba and Bill Cosby…!!

And you all might know there are guys who trick us in this business...I wonder how Georgekutty can make chicken mughalai when he himself is Syro Malabar and what he should be making is Malabar chicken curry!! Broad Day light cheating I would say!! How do they make Kentucky fried chicken when am sure the chickens are from Kanjikode...The icing of the cake is when they bring a bill in a nice folder and you have to open it holding your breath and surprise!!. 1000 bucks for that chicken bone...when you can buy a whole poultry farm for that money…

And for redemption the only thing you could do possibly do is steal a few toothpicks, which seems be plenty and free!! :-(