Saturday, September 15, 2007

Dennis the Men-ace!!

I have been reading many blogs about the troubles faced by woman in today’s world like harassment at work place, work sharing at home and men not being understanding. “Not being Understanding “ isn’t that a cliché...Someone who doesn’t agree with you is someone who is not being understanding. Well they all are trivial if you think about what men go through…
.
Have you ever wondered how difficult it is for a guy to shop in a supermarket? I remember last time when I accompanied mom to a store and I had to buy some Dal for use here.

And Mom started…”Channa Dal…moong Dal...Green Dal…black gram Dal…which one do you want??”
A slightly shaken and wide-eyed me: hihi…Just “DAAAL” would do…!!

C’mon do you think a guy can answer something like that for god sake…For a guy It is that one crore question in KBC!!!.

Talking of shops I often hear the typical sales boy trick to sell something...
“Sir...Your missus would like it”
WHAT ABOUT ME DUMBO…and well how do you know what my missus likes... hmmph”

And don’t assume that a guy is really aware of the price of stuffs you get in the market. A guy might buy half a kilo of tomato in a grocery shop for 200 bucks without battling an eyelid. The last time he might have bought tomatoes might have been a year or two ago and he might have assumed the higher prices due to inflation...globalization…market capitalization and other such complicated jargon.
And you thought men cheat on women?? Kidding...eh!!. Don’t you see this day light robbery where men are cheating on men?

Contrary to popular belief ladies do lot of cost cutting when they go shopping...They precisely know where exactly the cheapest things are in the store…Haven’t you seen ladies asking the sales boy when that particular brand of “Maida” which comes for 12 rupees 43 paisa is arriving again…
Men don’t think that way. If maida is not there buy beer... All calories anyways aren’t?

The only place where a guy can stand longer than 2 minutes is an electronic shop. It is sheer pleasure for him to talk about RAM, gigahertz and memory sticks. He will drool over LCD screens and anything which has a word Mega or Nano in it…And ofcoz needless to say the quintessential liquor shop where all those svelte bottles seem to say in unison...”Here I come Baby!!...Buy me my lover!!!”
Another reason why I hate supermarkets is coz there aint any television screen in a supermarket.
Men love places where there is a TV screen like a Barbershop or say a BAR…We cannot bear without knowing what happens around the world. If you ever come across a guy who says.”Well I couldn’t catch up with today’s news”. You will find all the guys scurrilously avoiding him.
Whispers fly like... ”Psssstt...He is the one…Oh...yeah…I hate to be seen walking with him”

Now I don’t understand what is it with woman’s beauty parlour. It is very rudimentary for us. Walk into a barbershop and yell...”Babu cut 2 inches of hair from head!!.” yes that’s it. As simple as that..
No silly questions like “do you want a facial…do you want a streak of yellow just above your eye brow…or do you want sky blue nail polish or Mediterranean blueWhy do they make it all complicated!!

Something, which I hate about, are stereotypes...Why all criminals are chased in Manhunts!!.. What about woman criminals…Why are all dangerous animals Man-eaters...Why don’t they eat women..?? This is all not fair...thump!

History has proved that always. That bad hair day when the Titanic sank it was “Women and children first”
What about men…Are they amphibians. Just imagine the guilt the ladies might have lived through after the tragedy...aww…Those poor men…Even when they wrote the book “Men are from mars and woman from Venus”. They gave the smaller planet to us. This is all not fair…

Remember that Story of Adam and Eve where Adam ate the apple offered by Eve. In spite of the fact that Adam was allergic to apples...!! ; -P
Do you know what mistake he did…He tried to be “understanding”!!

36 comments:

Zee said...

wah wah!!! i'm first!!! :)

what a heart felt post!!!
errr....understanding post!!

for starters....take an unmarried girl to buy daal and she'd say..."errr...just daaaaaaal"

or when she goes shopping, people tell her-good for ur husband madam

and when she goes to the "hair dresser", he says what style and she says long or short

adam ate the apple coz he didn't want the woman to get to it first!

Di said...

woohoo...wat brought up that outburst now?! :P

And about the daal...tell me about it..I bought dal once in my entire life and mom still reminds me on how i got the wrong one..my explanation tht it too was yellow,round and came in a pack that said Dal did no good :-/

Adorable Pancreas said...

I've had the same experience with dal. :( Some thuvaraparippu, sambarparippu, mangaparippu, thengaprippu.... Amma stopped sending me to buy dal after I bought the wrongest kind of dal for sambhar.

silverine said...

I bought a kilo of Jeera the first time I went shopping. Luckily the shopkeeper knew I was a newbie and gave me 100 gms. It took me quite some to learn the quantities of stuff to buy :)

Last week my bro walked in with a small watermelon that the shopkeeper had sold to him saying it was an exotic watermelon. It was actually an under grown India water melon. Mom and me kept quite so as not to scar him for life :p

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Now that's one good guy talking abt MEN problems. Appreciate the fact that someone has the guts to speak about all this esp in this age of OPPRESSION of women. Who would think that men suffer the same ignominy as a female. I've been in situations where just coz i happen to be a bit understanding and got a bad deal @ the end! Spoken like a real man!

Sreejith said...

omg! i just learnt that there are so many varieties of dal! ofcourse how would men know.. there's no dal in beer!

Venkatesh A.R. said...

are your parents looking for a groom for you.. anyone UNDERSTANDABLE?? or are you trying to learn methods to UNDERSTAND her??!! u can go ahead with telling the truth da.. !! ;-P

The Black King said...

Thank you, thank you sire!!

Well written --- must read for all my female colleagues now! :D

Alexis said...

ROTFL... That was an excellent one. Very well written. Loved it very much.

MM said...

Trust u to come up with something as mind-splitting as this every time, Matt...

:)
Velu.

Jac said...

matt
I am with you in this, 100%.
Shame on the other gender. LOL

If ever you visit Africa, just let me know...a treat awaits you for writing this, man !
:))

Take the advice of 'zee' LOL

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

good one...one more point..if men are not "understanding" ,they are called male chauvnists..but if women are not understanding,they are given the name "feminists" or next gen women..wat BULLSHIT...

Keshi said...

**Just “DAAAL” would do…!!

ROFL! men's brains think in SUMMARY form while women's brains think in DETAIL form :)


haaahahaha love the last line! cmon we love UNDERSTANDING men..so just be yourself ok Matty? ;-)

Keshi.

mathew said...

@Zee
hehehe..so its all part of the game eh..
Am pretty sure about the adam story coz I recently digged out a few scriptures from Elloor library nearby and there it was mentioned clearly that Adam was allergic to apples.. ;-P

@Di
Nope..it was just meant to be funny..no outbursting here..
Well so after all Dal buying is an universal disaster story..mm..

@Adorable Pancreas
Best way out is to take a sample from home aand compare it with the packets in the shop and bring home the one resembling the most.. ;-P

@Anjali
A kilo..OMG…Where you opening up some restaurant. ;-P
This incident reminds me of the when I went o buy chicken..

The guy at the butcher shop asks..Halal??
Me:.No..I want chicken…!!!

Good that your bro was not informed of the hard truth..You have no idea how ego busting it is... ;-P

@Abhi
Hey bud..this was not meant to be female bashing. It was just a harmless funny take..Please forgive if my intentions went awry..

@Sreejith
You just heard the tip of the iceberg..!! ;-P

mathew said...

@Venky
Daa..am still not old enough for that..So you don’t have to worry about reading between the lines.. ;-P

@Black King
You are inviting brick bats… ;-P

@Alexis
thanks a lot Alexis.. ;-)

@Velu
hey..what happened to you other blog..I cant seem to access it these days..

@Jac
If they come out with a list..I am pretty sure it gonna be a mile longer.. ;-P

@SGP
I don’t believe in all these terms..for me any other person is just another individual. stereotyping doesn’t makes sense.

@Keshi
mm..that was a good summation of the post….thanks a lot ;-P

Mishmash ! said...

:) :)
I liked Zee's comment for you :D
Btw, dont think its just guys who have a prob with Dal, I faced the same issue first time I went grocery shopping after marriage, but that was quite a negligible one compared to another incident where I asked for 1kg green chilly at the veg.market!! I still remember that guy's shock and the smile that followed :D When I saw all that facial expressions, I realised something was wrong, so asked for 1/2 kg....finally the guys packed me 100gm green chilly :)))

Shn

Mishmash ! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mishmash ! said...

Mishmash ! said...
hey...last weekend I happened to mention about chinnu's rest after reading your comment reply, to my hubby and I saw his face beaming with happiness and next 1- 1 1/2 mins he went on listing out the menu with descriptions :)))

Shn

wanderlust said...

reminded me of my friend who sent her husband to get green chillies and forgot to tell how much. he came back with 2 kg of green chillies.
also of a few male friends whom i'd give the recipe for dal fry. they came back the next day and said it tasted horrible. the poor guys had bought urad daal!!

Nanditha Prabhu said...

true true! even last week my hubby brought home toor dal instead of urud dal
BTW , just ask your would be wife to read this post before signing up the understanding treaty with you!

Superficial Gibbering prater said...

That was only my observation..and on the issue of stereotyping,i think the theme of this particular post itself was about stereotypes,isnt it?? :P

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

hey stop being the ladies man, dude!
have you ever noticed the price of tomatoes? i mean EVER?
i guess us men should stop taking tomateoes for granted, and start respecting their feelings too!

Princess Banter said...

Well... maybe I should think twice now before I get a dude to go to the grocery for me then ;) And I thought that the acid test was sending a guy to Victoria's Secret LOL!

ap said...

What I bought was a kilo of mustard seeds!!!!!(kaduk)
I was not lucky as Anjali...

neermathalam said...

thanks.....

you spoke..the 'TRUTH' and sarcasam...is too hilarious....

Keshi said...

Matty ty so much abt that orkut info. Alot of my friends told me abt this impersonater. I hv now informed the authorities. Hopefully they'll get rid of the loser.

THANKS again and thanks to ur friend too!

Keshi.

Ajith said...

I've asked for 1kg of 'kariveppila'.. Can anybody beat that :) ?

Still searching said...

Hehehe... quite entertaining this was! I'm sure there are many situations where its as difficult to make a choice for women too... like "what type of engine oil do you need?" or "do you want RCA tv output, S-video output cable, VGA supersheild etc etc?"...errr... whatever connects my tv to my cable box pls?!

*~ Mayth!!~* said...

With due respect to the feminine gender, the fraternity which I am a part of...yes we can be a pain sometimes. I sometimes take so long shopping that I end up pissing my self at times :P

rebel said...

You got the smaller planet! Lol...

Nags said...

very chauvinistic Matt.. way to go!! (men are not too dumb to get sarcasm are they?)

Nariyal Chutney said...

:-) , Cool Mathew . Feminist girls will coments so many things like the ones above. But dont worry , only take comments from guys for this post :D and please tell me when you go to Africa . I will also come with you for the beer :-D . Only guys will have "understanding" about the fun of having a beer together :)

mathew said...

@Mishmash
Sigh..after hearing so many comments..i guess even girls are not better off..;-P
Neways I cant believe that a terrific culinary expert like you did that ! ;-P
@Wanderlust
Lol…Urad dal.. ;-P

@Nanditha
I think your suggestion is quite good..nowaday all are signing some memorandum or the other..

@SGP
;-P

@Toothless Wonder
I don’t try to be some kind off “man”.. ;-P

@Princess Banter
Hahaha..yeah there even mighter challenges you gonna face..

@AP
You take the cake..does our country even produce that much mustard!

mathew said...

@Neermathalam
Thanks …and thanks for dropping by..

@Keshi
Oh..yeah..i have informed the informer..neways be wary of it..

@Ajith
You are a closer contender wit AP giving more sacreligiour blunders..

@Still searching
mm..after all there are lot of stories to prove the either side..btw you got me confused with those questions.. ;-P

@Mayth
Wow..someone after all admits that..

@rebel
Sadly.. :-P

@Nags
;-P

@Nariyal Chutney
Hahhaha..” only take comments from guys for this post :D”
That’s like doing survey in Old Trafford and asking whether Manchester United is a good team…

Keshi said...

yep thanks!

I informed Orkut too. They r looking at it now.

Keshi.

lekha said...

"they gave the smaller planet to us" lol! never occured to me :D

and yea, Adam took it like a Man! and u are being a sissy, stop cribbing ;)