Friday, August 10, 2007

Desi Born Confused Desi..

Dear Mom,

I am here safe and sound… Life in a foreign land is not as bad as I thought.. Today it is three years since I left home and started working…your son is not a cutie pie anymore. Do you know that I even had one full glass of beer that too without adding any water!! …hmmmhmm…Yes Mommy!!! The kid is not a kid anymore…. ;-P

By the way I made chicken curry yesterday. But we didn’t have the tomatoes at home so I put 6-7 pieces of tamarind. And later on I did not find the chicken in the freezer too...So I put the Fish instead. It turned out quite well. The rats don’t come home anymore!

You know Mom. My roomie takes water conservation quite seriously. He has stopped taking shower…well though he stinks so…I told him that we need to conserve fresh air too…

Neways I have learned many new things. I have improved my English vocab too…My friend says…Go and get that f%*#!ing coffee from the f%*#?ing coffee machine yourself you %*#er!!!
It almost rhymes with the nursery rhymes I learned in school..Neways he told me that he would teach me more of em and make me a complete man…very helpful guy he is.

And I had a dream last night..It was very scary…about exploding bombs ,crashing aeroplanes and democracy in USA. But you know mom. Your son is brave and wouldn’t succumb easily..So I stayed awake all night so that I wouldn’t dream anymore.

Well talking of people here. The Polish folks are a pole apart from other friends I have. They are very friendly types. But the French never take a Yes for an answer they always say’ Oui’!!! And when they say it real fast it sounds like the battle cry of oarsmen in our village boat race. And never worry about the Brits mom..They are now a minority in Britain. And ofcoz there is no beerdom with Germans around …

Do you know that Uncle Jameskutty had been bluffing all this time that he was in Germany...Coz his name doesn’t even figure even in one Mallu association out here!!! I even checked with the Association of Malayalees from Kottayam who like Volleyball! (AMKV) and the ‘All Kerala Association of Engineers from Stuttgart who like Masala Dosas’ (AKAESMD)!…not even there. That is disgraceful I would say!!

Talking of places here, its quite nice. Although there is a broken wall somewhere is Berlin, which needs some serious repair…And they cant afford to a decent coat of paint for the walls so they splash all sort of colour on it and calls it Graffiti.Guess these folks don’t have enough money like us. But I figured out they make some decent cars like Porsches! But not as good as Driver Vasu’s Ambassador. Remember the last trip in it we 9 of us could comfortably sit in that. But things are quite bad here. They tie down the people up in the cars with some kind off belts!! ! Isn’t that degrading!!

Btw please tell Grandma that no one likes the T.V soaps here and you don’t get ‘Ammamanasu’ or ‘Sthreeshakti’ here…But they have more interesting ones like Desperate Housewives and MTV love chat…

Oh…and I bet Lalettan’s new movie is a hit..Isn’t it.??. No one here knows about Lalettan..Can you believe that.!! :-O The superstars here don’t know how to do fist fight and cant handle more than 2 guys in a stunt scene. Our Lalettan would have easily taken care of at least ten rowdies..Maybe these folks out here don’t get to see good movies. I have told them that I ll prove ‘Narasimham’ is way better than die another day!!

Anyways I think I have written a big letter…

Hope the chickens at home are doing well. We will roast them when I come home next time..

Love….

42 comments:

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

what a piece of work! Hats off mathewchaya! I wd love to see the look in my old english mam's face when she reads her dear son sending such a lovely letter! Esp abt u learning the new words and the like[:D]

Neihal said...

hahahahahhaa!!

BTW that's one scary letter...for your mother at least :D

Amooma said...

have u sent it in yet?
( wicked grin)
maybe u need to get home soon! this one is gonna give her a heart attack!!( wicked grin that is unsure of how u will take that crack)

Dhanya said...

That was a nice letter n I would like to know ur mom's reaction after reading that ;)

Mishmash ! said...

Mathew, when re u posting the second part ? I mean the reply from your mom ?? :))) Absolutely funny !!!

‘Ammamanasu’ or ‘Sthreeshakti’ ...hehhe....sometime when I talk to my parents, I dont get to hear my mother for 6-7 mins....and u know why, she would have gone to check out whts happening at the last scene of one of these serials...cant blame her as she spent almost 2 1/2 yrs watching that serial!! :)

So, tell me seriously, does your folks read ur blog ?? :D

Shn

mathew said...

@abhi
Jeez..am not the guy who you are talking about!! ;-P

@Neihal
It is even scarier to think that I ll be barbecued if this letter is actually read by Mom!!

@amoomma
Lol!!Do you really think am gonna send this letter..I think twice before committing a blunder!! ;-P

@Dhanya
Well..I understand now why all like to see me spanked!! ;-P


@Mishmash!
Yeah..thankfully by Mom is not addicted to those soaps..But grandmother is a big addict..

Btw my parents dont read this blog..But now you make me a bit scared though!! ;-P

deepdowne said...

great post, mathew! cheers!!

Jiby said...

superb man!!! loved every bit of it. desi born confused desi...wow another epithet for a really alive indian phenomenon. It is really amusing to think of the sophistication we have garnered bit-by-bit while adapting to the phoren world and juxtaposing to how simple we kept life back home. it is true we even learn to become irreverent of Mohanlal too!

Zee said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! u are truly gifted!

Mayth!! said...

Lol...I should write to my mom henceforth, with some lines here n there from your letter. Life would certainly be anything BUT boring ;)
A good read...and an even better laugh.

Di said...

sheesh..i dunno abt ur mom ,but i really doubt the chickens are lookin fwd to ur home-coming.. :P

Nanditha Prabhu said...

wish i could read your moms reply!
....it was hilarious!
....my mother in law is glued to those serials and i need to check the time before ringing her!
....and surely our ambassador is more accommodating....

quills said...

hahaha...German air certainly agrees with you and your creative writing. :) That was a real nice fun Saturday morning read.

Nariyal Chutney said...

:) , Wow German Beer is having its effect on you :). When will this letter reach your mom? .

Priyankari said...

Laughed a lot!! Wonderful presentation and truly humorous Mathew! Really enjoyed!

Venkatesh A.R. said...

amazing sense of hunour.. u have a topic each time u write, and u bring in an air of lightness thru ur humour..
i guess i need to start sending links of your posts each time to our friends to let them know the genius writer in you!!! :-)

The Black King said...

I'm sure you can look forward to a grand reception when you are back. Like the AKAESMD collecting funds and standing with undaulterated beer in one hand and the chicks from home falling over one another to be devoured by you! ;)

silverine said...

My aunt is a member of the Malayalees who love Cats and hate Dogs in Frankfurt Association" !

Jac said...

Hey meesha !

You are not well informed or rather not uptodate with your home country.
The so called belt is already a rule here buddy !!

I was warned three days ago while driving but managed to squeeze out of a bribe with my passport which says I am a forigner.

wanderlust said...

you really are the limit. absolutely hilarious as usual.
"But the French never take a Yes for an answer they always say’ Oui’!!! And when they say it real fast it sounds like the battle cry of oarsmen in our village boat race" - ROTFL

Still searching said...

Haha! This is too funny! Never even thought of these things in the way u've mentioned! Brilliant! :)))

Anonymous said...

wow.. that was hilarious...:)

Gostana

Princess Banter said...

Eloquently said, my pet. My letter to my mother is a tad shorter:

Dear Mum,

Thanks for everything, especially the experiences that you've let me go through that taught me everything about life. Given all this, please f*ckn stop nagging me why I've changed so much... it's technically your fault for making me go through all this. Nonetheless, it's been fun, so no hard feelings :)

- Your Princess :)

Cuckoo said...

Ha ha...
OMG,, how can you write such a hilarious post ???

n said...

hahahah mommy dearest shuld actually read this post .....lol

mathew said...

@deepdown
thanks! :-)

@Jiby
Thanks bud..i was sure u could identify with the predicament..Inspite of trying to remain the aayo-paavam guy somethings just rub off..

@Zee
thanks.. :-)

@Mayth
ofcoz..it would be nice to see that read!!

@Di..
no..they love to be devoured by me!! :-P

@Nanditha
Same with my grandmom..she climbs 20 stairs every day just for those..How much a serial can do!! ;-p

mathew said...

@Quills
Thanks a lot.. :-)

@Nariyal Chutney
Lol…But I must admit there is nothing like German beer..
And the letter doesn’t go anywhere near my home!! :-)

@Priyankari
Thanks a lot.. :-)

@Venky
that is very generous appreciation..Neways thanks a lot dude!

@Black King
Am I dreaming or something!! ;-P

@Anjali
yeah..I saw her trying to make a association here too..but then the All Kerala association of Dog lovers in Hamburg put a blanket ban on her from stepping in Hamburg.. ;-P

mathew said...

@Jac
oops..I just got this info quite late..well 9 in a car and just one with a belt..that is quite safe I guess…

@Wanderlust
Thanks a lot..really just check out at the Nehru boat race..they are the same..

@Ruchika
Thanks a lot… I always believe that there is humour all around us…

@Gostana
Thanks a lot..glad to see a old reader still hanging around.. :-)

@Princess banter
Lol!! Well I surely will get some serious reprimand for that mail!! ;-P

@Cuckoo
Thanks.. J

@N
No way..That would be suicidal!! ;-P

How do we know said...

Wow!! Someone's been mighty homesick lately?!

Kiran said...

Rocking Post !!! BTW, Ee sambhavam post cheithappol chaettan paambaayirunno??? ;-P

n said...

On second thoughts .....u shld actually give tips to sanjeev kapur ..........I m sure even he is nt aware that u CAN actually mke chicken curry with FISH .....hahhahahhahah

Nags said...

loved loved loved (no, its not a stammer) this post.. read it twice actually :)

thanks for making me feel a little better about the 25! u r right, we dont really have a choice. sigh.

Neers said...

:D you havent lost your touch.. it jus gets better! :)

mathew said...

@how do we know
hey..no it was just plain nonsense rambling..home sickness is period..

@Kiran
Lol!!..no way...

@n
Yeah...He ask me for the tricks..But I dont reveal much..all trade secret stuff...you know!! ;-P

@nags
thanks..and yeah...i think moving from 29 to 30 would be the toughest part..

@neers..
thanks.. :-)

starry nights said...

Mathew..sure made me laugh.loved it.

gasmutai said...

U know what chekku... I shud seriously think about forwarding this link to madam... [:p] ... so heres one for ur next post >> madam's reply to ur letter... cook that up, and am sure it wud be better than the Chickened fish curry...

aah BTW, amma ninte gtalk ile fotum kandu pedichu poyi.. [:P]

ap said...

ha...now that was a great letter....

btw: we came to hamburg sometime long back...anyway thanks for the help offered :)

Kusum Rohra said...

I can't even have one sip of beer without water and you had a full glass!! You have indeed grown :P

But then on second thoughts, you dreamt of horrible things and stayed up all night to avoid those dreams? You should have not slept in the first place!

Rockus said...

Terrific!

Umesh said...

The letter reminded me of the book "The inscrutable Americans" which i'm reading for the past 6 months. I'm not sure if u have read it but the pratoganist writes similar letters to his brother in the novel. Good one. Ok lemme get back to my book. I should finish it by this week. Its long pending now. :-)

Anu said...

Family Boozi.. Desi born... Appa Amma....loved 'em all and you really made me wanna fly back home.... God!! I miss them all, the whole family of Peedis...... Your blogs are worth the money I spend on the net, so no more copying.... (that's a BIG compliment coming from a big miser)....

lemonade said...

"I even checked with the Association of Malayalees from Kottayam who like Volleyball! (AMKV) and the ‘All Kerala Association of Engineers from Stuttgart who like Masala Dosas’ (AKAESMD)"


i think i laughed for 15 minutes just for that one sentence!!