Sunday, November 12, 2006

Forgive me....

Idling on the couch and watching “Combat Hospital” in CNN, am in a hyper philosophical mood…times when I have occasional jaunts of introspection. I believe folks should try out to sit alone, have a coffee in the balcony when the wind is blowing on your face and think Hope readers will find my blah blah bearable...



Forgiveness...let me share with you a great quote..

Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much Oscar Wilde

I was just thinking how much we forgive others. Is the human psyche engineered to foster grudge and anger? Does all that famous “Human brain cells” stop making sense and reason those times… The program I was watching showed docs treating injured people in make shift hospitals. The groans of the injured were not like the one we have heard in movies...They were real pain...Death was real…Reality was painful...the culmination of our own greed hatred and anger…
Coming to the point I intend to talk might be in someway related to the “reality”...

Somehow isn’t forgiving a really difficult thing to do?. Am not talking about forgiving Saddam Hussein or a Pol Pot…but about forgiving the guy who just took your coffee mug and kept it back without washing it. Are we able to really forgive the person for something as silly as that? Dont we after sometime look at him as the person who never bothered to wash my cup. Unfortunately many a time “YES”...Although we have a habit of proudly declaring that we don’t carry any rancor for such insignificant matters.This kind of pseudo-forgiveness is nothing but denial, repression or suppression of feelings.

Let me say, it is so easy to retort when someone makes fun of you. But have you tried to look like an idiot when someone is making a mockery of you….not to respond when someone is giving a shower of obscenities at the holy thou face of yours??

It’s against nature…against all that we have been psyched for..

We don’t become un-macho (for us guys) when you do that. It calls for more guts to fight your natural instincts. And it works!! It is isn’t possible to do that every time, but it gives a lot more sense of satisfaction and a lighter head...coz the protagonist will definitely expect you to get angry every time he irritates or screws you. But then when he gets the unexpected result ...the ball is in his court...

I know people advocate “speaking your mind” in any such conflict situation. It is the other way of solving the problem..the easy way out. And you have a fake sense of satisfaction after speaking your mind. But I somehow feel if we are able to forgive someone..."really forgive someone"...the satisfaction is ethereal……

Don’t we have those some days when we are happy for no reason…those days when nothing spectacular happiness but still you are on a high…I believe we can have those days every day if we can really forgive all those little things that irritates us. Somehow we have a stereotyped reasoning that ‘doing no harm’ is as good as ‘doing good’. But isn’t ‘doing no harm’ is same as ‘doing no good’.


So lemme tell dudes and dudette’s ,do little good things. And forgiving someone is a little good thing……Wont the world be a better place to live then......

Should practice more of it than I preach!!! :-)

It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive.
-Unknown

38 comments:

quills said...

Nothing lovelier and much needed at times, when you want to get away from everyone and everything, and just get some time for yourself.

I can't hold grudge against anyone..what's the point of it anyway? Internalizing and keeping it unresolved in our minds, only ends up hurting us in the long run.Better to forgive and forget, although the latter part is more difficult I feel.

pophabhi said...

Nice valuable thoughts, Mathew! Something that can be pulled in to the mind and to be held in that stack of recurring memory that pops out every now and then - To remind you to do that bit of forgiving. A very difficult thing to do, especially for small things. Maybe practising what Anbe Sivam says - You are God. You are Love. :)

As you told, very easy to say, and most difficult to practise!

amu (amrita) said...

Godd food for thought. The way you have brought home your point was really worth all the pains you took to post this one. You have given solace to my bothered soul by giving an answer to a question that was ramming me for too long. "Forgive and forget" was an axiom that i believe in personally. And there are cases where i have forgiven the wrong doer. yes it gives immense satisfaction and solace. But somehow i am still in the process of forgiving some who have done something nasty way too much. was thinking whether i can ever forgive them . you have showed me some hope. May be now forgiving them would come easily. I needed to read this post to come in terms with myself.

Jiby said...

good post man...as i read this i realized i shud relate something that i left as matter for a future post or story some day.

there wuz this incident in my college life...a guy wud frequently insult me, i cudnt forgive him, i kept waiting for my chance to payback, i got the opportunity, and i played my part cruelly and embarassed him. later when everyone came to know why I had done this to him, they asked him to apologize and me to forgive. today me and that guy are best friends. i can never forget that evening when we cried in each others arms...enemy to friend in a matter of seconds.

silverine said...

"Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much… Oscar Wilde"

Which is why it is so important to forgive your enemies and let them know that they are forgiven :)) I am now beginning to realise why martyrs and people who were put to death for various causes forgave their killers, because by that one act they defeated their oppressor completely :)

I wrote a philosophical post too, then trashed it....now I feel like posting it :)

Great thoughts!!!

mathew said...

@quills

exactly..you have hit the nail..hithero difficult it is..there aint any harm in tryin..thanx for droppin by!!

@pophabhi

"to be held in that stack of recurring memory "
hehehe..you are too much into coding!!..nicely put..thanx for visiting.

@Amu

hey that is really encouraging to see people find sense in the nonsense i write...njoy!!

@Jiby

old pal..it is easy when we were younger..but it gets more diffcult as we grow older..when our egos get higher..it feels so good after that just like the incident u mentioned!!


@Silver

seriously wish to read on of your philosophical entries..Although its sacreligious to sermon on things which we hardly follow..it infacts helps in self retrospection..

so hows DAV doin..hehe??

silverine said...

DAV is a reformed young lady today....:p

You asked for it...I am posting mine too...but as you said this post was also a product of self restrospection. But I believe a lot in forgiveness, mainly because when you forgive you forget or else you carry the thought with you and such people are not worth the time you harbor ill will against them.

Sreejith Kumar said...

Thoughts, thoughts and thoughts... you have started to SPARK!

'To forgive is divine'

Contented said...

Hey man! Nice read! I couldnt get here earlier as your blog wasnt listed on your profile for some time, well now it is.

you have nice blog here. will keep passing by! And nice to meet someone from Germany!

Have a good day!

Raghav said...

good deeds, heaven, forgiveness, the holy trinity...all concepts which are highly over-rated.
i say your reaction depends on where the blow hits.
if it hits on something which is dear to you, then pick up a baseball bat and smash the assholes face in, if he just says something arbid or meaningless like a stupid abuse or something, well then just say, sticks and stones...

Rai said...

"Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much… Oscar Wilde"

True. But I think it is more difficult to forgive someone who is very close to you, when a friend wrongs you...it's really very difficult to forgive and forget.

But we can give it a try:-)

Good to read such a sensible and sensitive topic of discussion.

Shakhi said...

It is not always easy to forgive, sometimes you think you have forgiven someone but yet suddenly the anger, the pain comes back. Its more difficult as rai said if the person is someone close to you.
But then I guess keeping a grudge is like carrying unwanted burden, the best is to forgive and 'forget'.
But, it is difficult and I know I fail miserably at it.... so u know what I do, I hate carrying a grudge, so I just tell the person that s/he has upset me or hurt me and I talk it out. That way I get to see his/her point and they also understand my point of view. This isn't easy but still atleast I don't have to lose my peace of mind over petty matters!!!

flaashgordon said...

Food for thought...

But as u said; not sure how much we can follow the non-violence doctrine...Well i guess I forgive all the time ; but never ever till my grave will i be able to forget a slight against me!!!!
I still remember the face of the girl who laughed at me when i fell down in the mud when i was in class2 ; and the practical joke someone played on me in class7...

:-))

cheers
flaash

RandomThoughts said...

This is one of the main reasons kids are so stress free. They forgive & forget. This lesson we forget as we become adults! Ironic but true!
Lovely post!

Rashmi.

jac said...

Saying is easier but doing is not.

It needs more than a stronger person to say sorry.

Very purposeful article.
Thanks for sharing it.

Keshi said...

Such a great post Mat! U know I always say forgive :)

Yeah saying Sorry is really hard and forgiving is harder. But it feels so great after doing it.


**I believe folks should try out to sit alone, have a coffee in the balcony when the wind is blowing on your face and think

I always do that and I feel the beauty of life then n there.

ty for this!
Keshi.

Cinderella said...

Wow !!
This is such a thought provoking post.
I kinda relate to the coffee mug thing,you know even if we try and show that its alrite and deny it too if the guy would ask "Should I wash the mug?",still then a crevice would remain inside.

That is what irks all the more.

Wonderful post.

mathew said...

@silverine

that sort of torture would have made hitler a reformed man!!

@Sreejith

thanks dude for reading a seemingly boring topic like this..

@contended

guten tag...viel spass

@raghav

awesome cool attitude man..what u have written make sense sometimes..

@rai

exactly..there aint any harm in trying!!

mathew said...

@Shakhi

If we dont lose the peace of mind..thats admirable..a lot better than giving someone a "piece" of your mind when u are upset!!

@flaash

yeah..even i get upset very fast..but try to restrain the grudge for a short time..thanx for droppin by

@randomthoughts

guess u mite have felt the same with your kids..dont they make peace in a matter of seconds

@Jac

you have summed it up all..
thanx for findin merit in the article..

@Keshi

I try to have a coffee like that every saturday!! :-P

@cinderella

thanx a lot for droppin by...nice to find people relate to what i have written..ty

Keshi said...

me too Matty :)

Keshi.

Keshi said...

and they r few of the life's richest moments...

Keshi.

Neers said...

you are right... sometimes forgiving for bigger crimes is much easier than the petty one... you might forgive a murder, but forgiving your boyfriend for screaming at you... tch tch!

Srijith Unni said...

Ouch!.. that hurt..! That is startlingly so true..! We find it so hard to forgive, people for the very small things they have done.. The example of the cup of coffee was so apt.!

Great post!

With Best Regards,
Srijith.

Prashant said...

hey Mathew, Nice post .
And you know i had been to this phase few months back and really it gave peace of mind after forgiving the one who hurts you the most.....
Though it is difficult but not impossible , the only thing that is required is the willingness to forgive , otherwise no other way than to carry the grudges all way along with you........

I am at peace now.....but sometimes it hurts also.......

Cuckoo said...

Nice post and nice quotes.

I mean all the quotes... the begining and the ending one also.
And yes one more... your blog's quote as well..

"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away..."

jac said...

cukoo, that is so lovely quote about life.

adi said...

u create a little India of your own right there in hamburg, i liked your location entry most. "Hamburg, IN"
:)

mathew said...

@Keshi

:-)

@Neers

Murder..gross!!!!!!!

@srijith

yeah..sometimes it helps a lot.thanx for finding meaning in that..

@Prasanth

thanx a lot for dropping by..
nice to see people find peace..and it is tough to come by it these days..

@Cuckoo

thanx for visiting the blog..
the quote i lifted it from the movie..'Hitch'

@Jac

ejactly..

@adi

oops..i never noticed it..:-P
thnx for visiting

White Forest said...

enjoying reading this!

pegasus said...

love ur profile picture... isn't it borat?

How do we know said...

hey.. nice piece, this.. tell me how the practice of the precept went..

xtremely_insane said...

i just remembered what i read in a harry potter book...
its easier to forgive someone for being wrong than for being right.
dunno why it popped up in my head right now but there u are.

Giby said...

A short, nice, thought provoking post, Mathew!! I really liked the opening quote!!

adi said...

:)(

gee u bor
believe me, this is the word verification i'd to type in ;)

jac said...

Where are u ?

Jose said...

very cool post, Spark.. Brought on an essential think..
D

mathew said...

@white forest

thanx a lot..nice to see folks finding sense in it!!

@Pegasus

Borat..:-P yeah he copied my style sometime back!!just a fake mouch buddy.

@how do we know

going is tough ..still managing to hold on.. :-)

@xtremely_insane

thanx for dropping by..Believe me I havent read Harry potter even when the whole world went gaga over it!! and now i feel am too late to read it.

@giby

thanks for visiting by.yeah that quote is superb.very true as well.

mathew said...

@adi

hehehe..that was a bit cruel..
i swear i dont have a hand in what they generate for word verfication!!:-P

@Jac

lots and lots of work..thats the lamest excuse i can give..so hows u doing?

@Deepti

Nice to see u here sheikh dudette!!:-P

So are u finally in aussie land.