neo-realistic cooking!!

Long long ago there is used to be good food...good wine...and the familiar burp that signaled the finale of a sumptuous meal...now it sounds like one of those fairy tales...my experiments with truth is taking its toll…

Due to certain unforeseen circumstances I have begun to cook...am not talking about a silly tea or lowly omelets…am talking about real full fledged meals...in all grandeur and decoration. I proudly declare that I have become a Melam certified culinary professional (MCCP)... Mind it the Microsoft certificates are not in vogue these days!!

Now something for guys who ever thought cooking was difficult. It aint anymore. Introducing to you the new cook from Bavaria…”Korah”… Bringing exotic dishes from germanipuram and hamburgpur….You can tune in for the live video telecast in CNN ..@ Korah King live…or in ABC @ Desperate cooks!!

After cut throat research and analysis using the latest software’s, I found out what really irks us is that the cooking guide book says...put salt to taste... For god sake why don’t they write like this...

1) Take a beaker and empty the salt packet in it.
2) Measure 15 mg of salt using a electronic weighing machine
3) Transfer it to the vessel in which we are cooking.

That makes life a lot easier for us...So next time I write a cook book you can expect a better deal. And the dish for the day is finkenwerder pork dipped in Maui Mango BBQ Sauce …and a full course meal that goes with it...

The following is version 1.1 of the gastronomic delight...Its exotic coz it tastes a lot different from conventional dishes and has the extraordinary ability to test the limit of your organs...neways just like in old chemistry record book, here it goes..

Materials required. Pork..1+ 1 kilo... (The extra kilo is to compensate due to high probability that the dish might get over burned)
Onion (as much as u can get)
Meat masala (buy only melam..please..am its brand ambassador.. :-))
Oil..(cooking oil..not kerosene if any americans read my blog)

Guess this will do..In case we need anything more I ll say in later stages.

Make cubes of 1.5 cm * 1.5 cm by cutting the meat and keep it aside..Raw meat can be really yucky..u can wear gloves if u are allergic..
Start cutting onions..Place the knife at an angle of 45 degree on the outer contour of the onion and start iterative to and fro motions along with a simultaneous lateral movement at a speed of 1 mm every 2.5 seconds... Stop when it really starts irritating the eyes and you cant bear any further the emotional outpour that is overwhelming now.

Get some ginger garlic and green chilly...Slice it if u are really interested...Now mix the masala with the meat ...
Measure 200 ml of oil in a beaker and heat it in some vessel that is near where you are standing..
Put the onions..garlic and stuff and move out of the kitchen for a while..Unless you want to cough for a long long time...Its safer to keep the windows open unless you want to get killed by aroma poisoning.

Come back after catching up with the latest Gwen Stefani song in MTV.

Don’t be surprised if u don’t find anything in the vessel. The mix might have just got burnt and vanished in thin air...in such a scenario , you have no choice but to do the same process again …Now put the meat and some water in the mix..Add salt if you want...Neways it aint going to make a big difference...

Its time to relax after the exhaustive procedure. Come back to the kitchen whenever u feel like..And the delicious finkenwerder pork is ready!!..You can pat yourself on the back and appreciate the aroma of the exotic dish you have just made..So after that put some rice in the pressure cooker..and heat it up with water ..Stop it when u hear some whistle or something(it sounds like when a eve teaser has to whistle at a score at the same time)..And finally make some pappads to complete the grand meal..The pappad may look brown and burnt..but they are really tasty and nutritious..

Finally the part that’s really important..Decorate the dish…put some unused tomato or green chillies around the plates..grab any leaf that’s popping near your window at home..dip it in water to make it look clean and the keep it in the plate along with the tomatoes..Keep as many forks and knives you have at home around the plate to make it look chic...

If the dish you have made looks something like below then you have cleared the beginner level of my certification programme.






Ladies and gentlemen .the dish is ready and it makes a awesome meal for guest coming at your place. Guaranteed that they never be back home again. :-)

Statutory warning
Its always safer to try the dish on someone else in first attempt. Don’t panic if the consumer shows any distorts in the face or convulsions. Its part of the package..That gives the person a wholesome experience of culinary delight!

P.S I couldn’t help writing this after I made a meal and it was duly relished by a Brazilian who dropped at home at the right (this usage is debatable) time!!

mm..Not seen him in office off late!!