*mallu flavoured post*
*crackling noise from the cockpit*
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Airbus A340 will land shortly at London Heathrow airport.
Passengers are requested to fasten their seat belts...”
Oh, by the way I think those seat belts are actually put in planes to tie down passengers from doing anything ‘pervertious’ to magnetically attractive air hostesses.. How could they possibly invent something like that which is basically a “man restraint” under the pretext of passenger safety!!
Anyways after a few minutes of useless announcements.
“THUD” (Pilots way of telling you that they are running the show)
“Ladies and Gentlemen, This is the captain of flight BA 767. You have arrived at London Heathrow terminal 2A. The crew wishes you a pleasant stay ahead.”
It was a small step for the rest but a giant leap for Mandankunju, when he resoundingly fell on the aerobridge after the sexy airhostess gave him the strawberry candy.
And with a bunch of friends who tagged along, there was enough ruckus that would have made English hooligans wince in envy.
England is a country which is roughly the size of Tamil Nadu and looks like a piece of bread crumb which was attacked on all four sides by ants. Nevertheless now ever since England has been recolonised along with other countries like for example the United States by immigrant Indians, the sun never sets in the Bharat Empire!!
Well after a rather unimpressive day checking out an odd bridge and a clock tower, Mandankunju visits Madame Tussads. Walking past famous wax models evoked ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaaaahs’ from his friends though MK couldn’t recognize anyone. Alas his ‘wiki’ friends seemed to know every T, D and H...Khrushchev, Queen Elizabeth…Captain Jack…. It was frustrating for Mandankunju to walk past mannequins whom he barely recognized. Until he saw….
” guys…dei…. Check out Adoor Goopalakrishnan….”
“Pulli ithraa famous aanu ennu arinjilla…”(never knew he was so famous)
All excited to find finally someone he knew, the camera is popped to the nearby sahippu…
“Sir...Please could you take a snap for me with Adoor Goopalakrishnan”
“Excuse me gentleman...but….but he is EINSTEIN”
“Whaaaaaaaaaat…who is that!!”
Insulted he takes the camera back and quips back nonchalantly..
“Oh pinee…uh...as if he is a genius or something!!”
Mandankunju came out unable to believe how a reputed museum could make a mistake with an Adoor Goopalakrishnan look alike!! The Brits did not impress him and off he packed bags to Deutschland………
Ich Bin Berliner he says…das Lander of Goethe und Polizei in Mercedez…Deutschland Uber Alles!. Walking down the graffiti laced alley near a Berlin street he noticed several bald people gathered around…maybe some ‘kashandi thallayans* association meeting’. Anyway it stuck him to explore a business opportunity back home...
“Haai…Hitler chetta …ee kashandi maatam...there is a vaidyan in chalakudy...He give you good kashayam...good thaiylam and good hair growth...… hair grow like pea sprouts!!”
Suddenly the prospective clientele surrounded him in the secluded street …What happened after that was graphic in detail. But several days later Mandankunju’s friend wrote in his diary…
“Last week Mandankunju met a few Nazi skinheads. He tried to offer them a kashayam from chalakudy aryavaidyashaala…Things didn’t go well after that. He will need an appointment with vaidyan…. Oh btw it would be for an extensive’ pizhichil**”
Though later, M.K told his friend that he would rather have some professional help to over come the trauma he had gone through. And his ever dependable friend acceded to the request and took him to the nearest BAR.
After recovering from “thirummal” by the skinheads he headed towards a more peaceful and cheerful country…Netherlands…Something baffled him though throughout the ride. He admired the sheer audacity of the Dutch to install giant fans in the countryside!
Might be a rich country to afford such huge fans just like that…extravaganza unheard of!!
Van der waart never might have thought windmills could give wrong impressions to some people…After spending time in a country where the national flower is ‘marijuana’ and national pastime is to be ‘stoned’, he decided to see some vintage Europe…
For a change they decided to travel south… ITALY.
.As soon as they landed his friend began explaining the marvelous wonders of Rome…
“Da…You know? Rome was not built in a day….”
M.K. turns his head and says..
.”Oh c’mon…BIG DEAL!!…Neither was Etumanooor”
His friend dropped the plan of sharing further gyan…They walked past the Vatican museum corridors and were impressed by the Michael Angelo paintings which were quite old as MK noticed specifically … The Swiss guards really confused him and MK was seen asking his friends whether there is any Russian circus going on somewhere nearby.
Nevertheless when in Italy, everyone gotta try Italian food … the pizzas and pastas.
So his friend orders a pizza at the café…
Waiter turns towards M.K…..”Uno Pizza?” (One pizza?)
“Oh...evide oonum kittumo...I ll have oonu*** in that case!!”
After a collective sigh…his friends looked at a caption on the wall...
”All roads lead to Rome...”
And they completed the phrase in unison.
“And for some it still leads to Kerala……….”
** ayurvedic massage