Monday, February 11, 2008

Holy story!!…Well of a different kind.

Murder, looting, felonies…wars…racism…enough was enough...the gods decided…it was time to clean up the filth. In a landmark unanimous decision, the kingdom of Gods decided to come down and take stock of things themselves…

The year was 2052, the Chinese year of Bugs Bunny and our little world was going to the dogs…Raj Thackeray venting fury at street dogs in Mumbai for not speaking marathi and not respecting maratha manoos…Narendra Modi given Bharat Ratna in recognition of his untiring efforts to promote religious coexistence…Bush Junior IV running for elections again Clinton III…and several such predictable horrible things were headlines that ruled the day....

Meanwhile outsourcing had become a hit in the god world too…To cut the increasing number of sinners and spiraling expenses the Christian gods decided Yamadev would do a fine job and he will take care of the evildoers for sometime…The gods decided to descend earth in their own private jets and some not-so-high profiles did go for the budget ones (chal vaayu...masala jet they had plenty of options)…

As Lord Vishnu was doing tour in parts of Bharat he was appalled at diminishing moral values. The country of age-old traditions…principles...and other such good words.... There behold him the sight of hopeless sea of people fighting over each other in quest for survival…The Lord was heart broken seeing the sorry state of affairs.

In another corner of the country, Lord ram was doing his own yatra some where in West Bengal…There he saw a car factory and to his amazement he saw banners like....”One lakh car!!”

The Lord uttered...”Jeez...a car for one lakh rupee!!”

That’s when he felt someone tap on his back...No…No...It wasn’t those prickly arrows.

“Did ya call me?’

Jesus was in transit on his way to USA.... Already anguished at the conditions in European state affairs…so he thought he would check out India on the way as well. Lord Vishnu was mightily pleased to meet another God.

“Oh…what a pleasant surprise. Nice to see you Jesus”
“How is the tour going for you…I must say really disappointing out here”


Jesus wasn’t happy either.

“Exactly…And probably you might have noticed it is too hot out here…Around 2000 years or so ago, I was here and things were much better then…. must be the global warming thing!”

“mm...I now understand why it is getting hot up there too...we have our little place in the Himalayas…Narada was recently upset that he couldn’t ski as the snow melts much faster these days”


“You talk about skiing…mm… I can’t imagine how St Peter would have reacted if he had come with me…There aint any fish in the seas out here...it wouldn’t do any good to his already bruised ego if he couldn’t manage a single Maththi*”

As the major league bhagwans brainstormed, it was interrupted by a call from Yamadev himself. Apparently furious he stated in no- nonsense terms that the billing rates were going to be higher from now on, as they are facing surplus supplies and the hell was already running in full capacity…Even gods were bearing the brunt…depreciating dollars…err…I mean silver, gold coins and such financial complexities.

The gang of gods, during a combined trip to China met Buddha who was hitch hiking parts of Tibet and Nepal…Being the benevolent host he offered the much needed rest at the Shangri la restaurant in Kathmandu…Few days later as they walked further east the gods were wondering why the people looked all confused out there…Apparently it dint strike any of em that the Chinese followed Confucianism…That’s when the lord ram quipped... ‘My bad…’

As the holy tour entered the last leg, they crossed the seas and arrived in US of A. This place was no good either…A country were ‘faith’ was a word which you would more likely see in a spelling bee contest…As they gathered and discussed over the details of the trip…they decided to catch a movie in Hollywood before they decided on what to do to fix up the world…

It didn’t take much long to understand why humans were so regardless of gods these days...it didn’t take much long to understand why humans were going from bad to worse…as they rushed out from the theater there was this big crowd waiting for the movie.

The banners said.

The God’s must be crazy XIII!!”

*Fried fish typically eaten by malayalees.

15 comments:

silverine said...

Gang of Gods! ha ha That should scare Satan even :)) Anyway they seem more united than their followers. I hope they do something about Global Warming after the tour :p

The Gods are not crazy. We humans are!! I sometimes wonder if we have a self destruct gene built in us somewhere by the Gods. The Gods "must" have a sense of humor right?

Dhanya said...

Hope they can really clean up the filth :)

Still Searching said...

Good to see a post from you after so long! Interesting concept... I wonder if it's a matter of perspective about who's crazy... funny one :)

Srijith Unni said...

Oh Man..! How do you even think of such things.. Absolutely hilarious..!

St.Peter and mathi..! LOL!

That was a fun read.. How u doing mathai.. long time..

Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless!

With Best Regards,
Srijith.

mathew said...

@Anju
yes..i always gods must being having some real ROTFL time seeing some of the happening out here..

self destruct gene..mm..that is quite evident isnt??

@Dhanya
oh..i wish...

@Still searching
craziness has no limits..be it the gods are us mere mortals..;-P

@Srijith
thanks a lot..!! :-)
hope you are doin great too..

nishant chandgotia said...

Well amazingly creative....very comical..nice nice...

crumbs said...

it's a mess all around, isn't it? :D

I wonder what the Gods must be thinking when they made humankind. Bet after a certain incident involving a serpant and an apple, God must have thought, "What was I thinking!" ;)

Nanditha Prabhu said...

i liked your idea of all gods on a tour together...i have some parents here who are dead against their kids even evesdropping about hindu gods.. i was approached with a special request... to teach dance with out mentioning about even one of the names of Hindu god's .....when i read vishnu and jesus exchanging their hi's i thought of this :)hilarious post which is thought provoking too...god to imagine narada with his tambura , skiing in the snow covered himalayas...:)

jo said...

absoultely hilarious...
When gods united to clear all the filth, dunno how would they react, when they find people fighting in their name, when they find, that they are held partly responsible for all the filth?
religious intolerance in the time of gods' bonding days...
Where has the world come to? and where is it headed to?

Dhanush said...

Simply Too Good Mathew :). St Pereum enne pople oru Maththi Kothiyano?

Amazing Imagination Buddy

anN-series said...

i presume Lord Ram crossed the contoversial Ram Sethu to get to India..unless he 'disloyally' chose to fly in the cheap airline..
"you might have noticed it is too hot out here"..i am picturising the gods dressed in shorts/burmudas, shades, with a sexy tan and with rising sea-levels due to global warming they also have their surf-boards...oops forgot to mention 6 pack abs! (overdose of baywatch u see :~P )

mathew said...

@Nishanth
thank you..and thanks for droppin by..

@Crumbs
hehehe..yeah that was a ll a big plan..

@Nanditha
really.!!neways skiing in himalayalas might be the obvious pasttime for gods..

@Jo
exactly..such questions dont have answers..we are supposed to play the wild guessing game there.

@Dhanush
hehehe..ofcoz..;-P

@Ann
well..Gods are not much bothered about their looks like we are!!;-P

Mishmash ! said...

hahahha :)) Mathi lovers amongst gods/saints too ??!! :)))

How come your recent two posts , including the one of KFC (M) are in the time frame of 2050-2052?! Trying to be a time traveler? :P

mathew said...

@Mishmash
infact i never noticed that..maybe coz i wrote both the post one after the other..;-P

Mathi is sure shot favourite of christian disciples!!;-P

Roshan R said...

Haha.. Hilarious creative post