Scary Movie part VI

It was one stormy night in Sydney and it had been raining torrentially for the past few days. The windows rattled violently and the outhouse doors squeaked almost falling apart…Few minutes later in a deafening thunder the power was gone too. It had never been this bad in Sydney before. Last time it was this horrible was way back in the 70’s when ‘Psycho’ was released…

Impulsively Andrew woke up with a shudder...He began to cry aloud...

“Mammaaaaa…. Mammaaaa………………”

Mamma ran to the room to console her little boy. But Andrew was shivering obviously scared the hell out after that chilling dream.

“Andrew Boy...What happened…don’t cry my cutie pie”

*Another blinding thunder for effects*

Still panting and sweating… Symonds unwraps the gory nightmare…

“Mamma…. Mamma…I saw …. I saw him...Bwaaaaaaaaaaahh….”

The blonde Mamma is all distressed now.
“Tell Munna… what u saw”

“I saw… I saw him coming…Sreesanth…”

Mamma hugs Andrew Symonds who is still bawling and the camera slowly focuses to the picture on the wall of a grinning Ricky Ponting …

The bold and powerful Australians had feared none until now...

In Early 21st century downtown Australia difficult kids were put to sleep with a threat…
“Sleep…or else Sreesanth will come and give you a stare… ” And it did not take long before it became part of folklore. Those skull-bone warning on high voltage electric lines were replaced by Sreesanth graffiti...Patient bed ridden with decades in Coma came to life after being administered a steady stream of “Stare” videos.

Cricket commentators analyzed and gave expert useless opinion on the aggressive nature of this malayalee cricketer...Rumours flew helter skelter…The Indian government forms a “Patel commission” to look into the matter…well Patelji had a good time in Kovalam is another story. Australia lodges a protest in United Nations against the Indian’s aggressive behaviour and its influence on the average Aussie’s psyche.

Sreekuttan’s Papa talking to the press…”When he was a kid I taught him that we are supposed to hate Pakistan. But I realized that he actually hated the wrong country when he called for a strike in school coz David Boon had mentioned ignorance about Atlas Jewellery!

Rodriguez Mattancherry (old school buddy from Fort Kochi)…”He was always waiting for the elusive break…but when it was getting too long a wait. He started doing break dance...and he never stopped thereafter”

But all the confusion...myth...was shattered one memorable day…

“MY BEST FRIEND IS FROM TRIVANDRUM”...SREESANTH ADMITS!

This quote was splashed as headline in malayala melodrama and other newspapers throughout the country..

Few weeks later a special investigative team was send by the Australian Cricket board to Trivandrum to study the influence of Sreesanth’s best friend. In a much-hurried press conference 24 hours later at Melbourne cricket ground, Ricky Ponting issued a statement withdrawing all allegations of vulgar/aggressive/taunting behaviour about the young Indian fast bowler.

The sudden turnaround was received with cynicism by the press. Reporters from Reuters and BBC flew in and camped at Trivandrum for weeks. Later they documented few gruesome incidents…

Lecturer in college questioning student union leader why he had came late for class.
Lecturer: - “I need an explanation from you for coming late for the lecture””
Student-Union-Leader (sporting “Trivandrum cherra”...now famously called Sreesanth stare)
Lecturer (now stammering) “Oh..oh..okay..yeah...I understand...Its okay son...please do have a seat”

Ticket holder asking someone who occupied his seat in the movie hall
“Chetta…this is my seat…see my ticket number”
Venomous Trivandrum ‘cherra’ oozing from the guy sitting there without the ticket
“Oh...enikkum kozhappum onnum illa... njan vere ticket medichoolaam”
(“No worries boss. I ll get another ticket for myself…Okie dokie??”)

Trivandrum cherra or cheerayal definition in Oxford dictionary

The act of looking eye-to-eye for an excessive period of time or stripping down
a person with a rude stare. This technique has been perfected over the years by
residents in the southern city of Kerala. Some liken it to an exaggerated
version of Clint Eastwood stance just before he pulls the trigger.

Usage:

The ‘cherra’ is typically used by public when someone tries to jump a queue
anywhere in Trivandrum or when a non-trivandrumite inadvertently mouth
obscenities at a trivandrumite. Usually results in severe physical injury if the
‘cherra’ is not taken seriously or relevant reconciliatory measures
adopted…

The Australian press camp found the environment very hostile and attributes Sreesanth’s behaviour as a natural influence of his Trivandrum friend. On a positive note the Australian board has signed a memorandum of misunderstanding with Trivandrum mayor to train few upcoming Australian players in this exquisite art. And thus the whole debate over the famous stare came to rest after this recent acknowledgement from Sree.

But we Trivandrumites are furious about the whole thing...Sreesanth has brought disrepute to this ancient art…The ‘cherra’ which was used over the years to ward of attack from the Romans…the Spartans...and the Mughals. The ‘cherra’ that was used as the first line of defence for the not-so physically agile college anti-heroes… The ‘cherra’, which cannot be imitated by any silly non-trivandrumite, has been shamelessly adopted by an outsider and that too for a silly game called cricket!! It is going to take years of hard work to get back the lost glory …

Viva l'arte!! Viva l'arte!! Viva l'arte!!