Monday, February 19, 2007

Margaret never cries’… you know!



Margaret never cries’… you know!

I thought it wouldn’t be this bad…I thought it will just pass by.

Nevertheless’ Margaret is brave isn’t? She wouldn’t succumb to pressure…

My parents own me. Infact they are me..They like me a lot...You know, my Dad just loves praising about me. I remember when I was in school he would show my drawings to his friends in office. I think he was very proud of me…No...He is still proud of me..

But why do you look sad now..Your hair isn’t even combed..Your eyes arent any better either...Cheer up lady!!

I don’t know.. 'Margaret'..It has always been like this ...I think I am like Holden Caulfield. I have a reason for being unreasonable . Mom thinks I shouldn’t wait further...And dad says he is getting old by the day. Is it what they call emotional blackmail??

I looked straight at her..’Cmon..You have to face it..It wasn’t ever meant to be easy’

Margaret never cries’… you know!

James uncle thinks I won’t get a better one... I overheard James uncle telling dad that this guy goes to church every day. And he doesn’t even drink during Christmas! Amma thinks that he was one of the 12 disciples himself. And Papa nodded in agreement..

You know..working in the chilly winter of Birmingham I miss the 'koyyalappam' Amma makes…I miss looking at my brothers drawers…I miss those coffees in the balcony..I miss Ammini chechi's stories about her kids..
*why should I give you all the details??..I miss home!!*

Uncles..aunties..cousins..nephews..they love to give opinions..as long as its none of their own little kids..After all they have a right to say..They had attended my holy communion and gave me 50 Rs to buy chocolates..How can I forget that 'favour'?!! And now they too love to chorus..'Margaret it is time to tie the knot...'

But Margaret wasn’t a soul to buyout..It was never for sale

There are times when you think what you really want..and hear what your heart says..I somehow like what my heart says than what my brain says..I never was ready for it..

Amma called today and told me to come home..Atleast for a vacation..Only if she knew I wanted to be near her more than her..papa I love you…but why are you forcing me? please give me some more time.

Margaret never cries’… you know!

And I looked in the mirror…tired of consoling myself..reasoning with myself...confused..broken..tearful as always!!!!!!!!
.
.
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Margaret says 'I am after all I'
Margaret weeps in the toilet and talks to herself in the mirror almost everyday.
P.S.dedicated to all the Margaret's around...
picture courtesy:http://www.bethedwards.com/cryingwoman2.html

20 comments:

alakananda said...

എന്തു പറ്റി? u sound pretty homesick... take the next plane home, visit ammachi, have her koyalappam, drink ur coffee on the balcony... i wish i could go home too. :(
and emotional blackmail...that's the privilege of every parent. accept it whether u like it or not. i hated it when my parents did it. now i have a sneaking suspicion, i am doing it to my kids too. u will too one day...
so who's margaret? does she represent someone... i am sorry i didn't quite get the funda of it. all i could sense in ur post was this deep deep longing to go home... i can always sense that, always being so myself...

Keshi said...

I too like what my heart says better than what my head says.

Keshi.

Mystic Rose said...

hmmm..couldnt understand it. u r margaret? margaret is ur imagianry friend?

:))

Mishmash ! said...

hmm...looks like someone is all homesickyyyyy here :)

Just curious,is Margaret ur imaginary twin sis ? ;)

Liked the poetic touch.

Shn

starry nights said...

Mathew I think Home is calling.You sound very homesick, longing for your amma's cooking. Is Margaret someone waiting for you at home or is she the one your parents want you to meet?

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

" I don’t know Margaret. " : Then how do u know she never cries ???

mathew said...

@all

Am sorry leave you all confused...it was just a bad attempt to portray a dilemma of a girl being forcibly asked to get married and her confused state.She happens to talk to herself in the mirror...My apologies for the bad narration!! :-P

Nariyal Chutney said...

"There are times when you think what you really want..and hear what your heart says..I somehow like what my heart says than what my brain says..I never was ready for it.." .

If Margaret is still not ready for it don't worry . Once Paulo Coelho wrote When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. But seriously coming back home and getting a taste of Koyalappams is not a bad idea :P

Shikha said...

Matts (not wanting to write ur full name ;).. Should I write Mathai?): I'm not sure if you should call it bad narration - cos atleast I understood it [:)]... Prob cos I can empathise a bit with Margaret - have seen some of that in life, happening to others, and even me :)

silverine said...

Poor Margaret. A colleague of mine went through the whole thing so I know the pain. The pain of wanting to go home, but unable to as going home means people pressurising to tie the knot and it doesnt stop there, after marraige it is people hinting at having a baby.... I pity the guy too, being forced an unwilling girl into his life. The whole thing is so wretched!!!

Jiby said...

good one mathew...u never know what life has in store...there are men who cant come home bcoz of financial reasons, and there are women like margaret who cant come home because of unreasonable pressures.

u left it at a tantalizing point...what if margaret after a few years is still unmarried, maybe she is content with her life now, but is considered over the hill by her ppl and doesnt want to face her people and stays put in birmingham.

alex said...

HMmm...yeah..it is sad, especially what you mentioned as 'emotional blackmail'.

I for a second thought the 'I' was you. LoL. Good i saw your comment.

And sadly, parents give a lot of 'their' reasons. Is this love? Or is this a pattern which they are forced to follow or want to follow??

mathew said...

@alakananda

a bit homesick..but just not thinking much about it..whats the point neways..

@Keshi

great hearts think alike!!!! :-P

@Mystic rose

:-O ..am not margaret!!!

@Mishmash

I hope the conversation is a bit clearer now..

mathew said...

@Starry nights

I have no margarets around me now!! :-P

@Deepz

it was wrongly worded...it was just Margaret talk to herself...

@NC

ah...dont remind me of home food now!! :-(

mathew said...

@Shikha

I prefer mathai..heheh..Matt sounds too stylish for me!!
yeah..i know many maragrets around...

@Silverine

Yeah..I know that you will know this..Hoping for better times!!

by the way..you were a class apart today in both the blogs..

@Jiby

Yeah..that is something Margaret doesnt think about...She is living the moment..and she doesnt care about the future!!

priya said...

You shudn't have revealed it others reply mathew. Too bad and I missed my chance...
Just kidding..

Nice ones.

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

u added the last few lines recently ?

alex said...

You missed my comment again! :)

mathew said...

@priya

it dint made sense in the begining ..added up a few lines later..

@Deepa

yeah..it wasnt making any sense in the beginning..ah..forgot to put a note in the blog..sorry!!

@Alex

:-P oops...aah..once again..

its almost like unconditional love is a oxymoron in itself..all parents are not like that..it is just something unexplainable..

Shakhi said...

You have perhaps really given words to the voice of many Margarets. I for one can really say so...coz I am facing the same situation and somehow my hearts keeps saying the same words...I am not ready for it yet...maybe someday I'll but not right now...
Thankfully, my parents are not forcing me so much...not that they don't...but it comes in phases...right now it is a peaceful phase...:-)