Anjali has written in her blog about a incident which is often untold in most homes..Often not talked about because of the stigmas attached to it..What I want to write about is not a solution to the problem , just my take on the two school of thoughts evident from the blog and the comments I read..I wont claim that my perceptions are the right one, it is just the way i think...
Scenario
A woman gets married to her wishes to a handsome bloke and starts living with him .They have a kid like any other normal household.But the hunky dory story goes awry once the husband turns out to be not that great after all..He isn’t the lovable hunk anymore and turns out to be a wife abuser..She is staying with him inspite of all the harrasments.The question is whether she should sign that document called divorce agreement and come back home with her kids…
Sanctity school of thought
Marriage is considered sacred…It is made in heaven and has to be ethereal not hampered by daily skirmishes that happens in households..Sacrifice and Forgiveness are what makes marriage survive.We have to make a marriage work at all costs irrespective of the differences.In lighter words it is a system which should work even if the hardware and software are not compatible with each other…
My two cents
It so happens that the buzzwords sacrifice and forgiveness looks quite nice until you are not bearing the brunt..I appreciate the concern you have for holding a marriage as it is not poker that we are playing in a marriage..
But how long can you forgive and sacrifice??Is there any time limit prescribed for it??Is it like once you are abused three times, divorce is morally right??Or is it like you suffer all throught your life..go to church and pray hoping things will change??
We think like this because we are taught that divorce is a evil that should be avoided at all cost , something that the church abhors…hey cmon the girl is not married to the church..She has married the goddman guy..I may sound like a womanizer. But I don’t care if I sound so..When you say that you have to forgive some one..It is not one side of the tale..You forgive someone when the other person is guilty of fault and repenting..But what many of you advocate is implied forgiveness bearing all the brunt however hard it is .
'An Ace is Ace' school of thought
It is in black and white .Woman aren’t anymore “take-care-of-household” machines.They believe in work sharing and rigid segregation of personal and professional life.Seperate bank accounts for the husband and wife and basically everything contradictory to the concept that husband and wife becomes one after marriage.People following this school of thought are generally classified as feminist..
Fierce independence is the driving factor for many of em.
Marriage is a contract that has to be respected with heavy penalty clauses if they aren’t followed.. very much business like.
My two cents
I appreciate the talks of equality and work sharing.But aren’t we taking the concept of “independence” a bit too far.In that case why do we need a marriage.??Wouldnt some clinic which creates test tube babies do the trick?? I admit that wife beating is a heinous crime that doesn’t come under the perview of “forgive-and-suffer-along” school of thinking..Such cases have to be legally dealt with.But there are cases where marriages break up due to silliest of ego issues..Many of you take the concept of no-nonsense approach without thinking about the future..Every household problem is not a cancer where only amputation works…some can be treated with medicines..Divorce is the last resort.
It might be a easy way to end things..but the kids maynot necessarily think like you. The society is hard on you however reasonable your case is.. All those pro-liberation organisation wont be besides you till the end...
Collating the two school of thoughts..it is a tough choice to make..A choice which you have to make based on your priorites…based on how you look life at...and that is a personal choice…
15 years ago
