Last weekend I was lucky to attend a wedding in town…Normally I wouldn’t have reasons to be tense attending a wedding coz am usually accompanying someone …Back home my parents would take care of the pleasantries while attending the wedding…or if its with friends we usually never bother about the pleasantries part…means we directly go for the kill at the feast…But this wedding was way different.
1) It was happening in Germany european ishtyle and I had no clue about the customs ..
2) I did not have an acquaintance with most folks who were invited to the function.
3) Unlike a panchayat which is roughly the size invited for a Indian wedding this was a wedding attended by 100 odd people…That meant you couldn’t just have your sausage and beer and go unnoticed.
So there was me suffering pre-wedding jitters…or rather pre-wedding attendance trauma…It also meant I had to do my research…Unlike back home where you could walk in to a wedding wearing your old jeans and ‘Che Guevara’ t-shirt. I was haunted by movie scenes from western weddings where men and women of fine tastes strutted around in elegant costumes… And occasionally I have seen some weddings here royal style with a horse driven carriage and all that…Everyone for that matter looked like a James Bond or a Wall Street Banker, polished and suave…That meant I had to actually ‘think’ about what I wear…
Do you have any idea how traumatizing its for an invitee at the wedding to choose his dress??…Someone who normally takes a decent looking polo T shirt from the nearest shop suddenly found himself walking in and out of most shops in Hamburg…The journey finally culminated at Karstadt where a german shop attender at the shop literarily pacified me..
‘Herr Mathias. Das ist nicht your wedding...kaiko tension le raha hein!!!’
kasam se...he said that!!
Finally after research which included lot of wiki-ing, visiting the State library of German Weddings, meeting marriage- divorce consultants, attending self-help groups, secretly filming weddings around town, subscribing to fashion magazines, attending a Versace memorial lecture on trends of 2009, placing calls to fashionably blessed people in Italy, writing anonymous letter to Vanitha magazine seeking guidance, praying and lighting 100 candles at the nearby church requesting the Lord to give me a sign, I finally decided to go for a white shirt and a yorn trouser. A small yet significant step.
The next step was to buy a gift. Well in India buying a gift is so easy… coz you don’t really to have buy one…You just need to pass on the 45th dinner set or the 26th clock which is stocked at home after the house warming function which happened way back in 1990. If you look at India from space, you can basically see that the gifts are never bought, it just gets circulated among the masses from Patiala to Pune to Palakkad and back to son of the Patiala family several years later. But then this is no India…What normally happens here is that the couple would have a list of preferred gifts put up in a popular shop in town where invitees can put their money in full or part if its an expensive gift…This would mean no duplication of gifts!! This couple though had no such list which meant I had to do my espionage to find out what they might actually like as a gift. The process was quite similar to my dress search but slightly less strenuous.. and primarily based on online consultation. It seems like most people like Mont Blanc pens or Swarovski crystals!! L After some path breaking research it was found that the couple were better off with euros than a self-help cook book which I was planning to pen down specially for the occasion. Another small and yet significant step over.
Aug 15th 2009 The D-day
As I woke up I knew it was a very important day in my life…something which could change my life forever.…After grooming myself (I must have shaved 3 times in 2 hrs for continuous harvesting of any concurrently sprouting facial hair), I stepped out of home for the big event. I took the S-bahn (metro) to St Theresa’s church where the bride had just arrived. All around were Reid and Taylor James Bond’s in various hues and colours….bald malayalee James Bond’s, not so bald malayalee James Bond’s, fat malayalee James Bond’s, not so fat malayalee James Bond’s , old Bond’s and new Bond’s, all kinds and I was there in my shirt and trouser.. For the first time in my life I felt like being naked in public inspite of being fully clothed… eww…My mind wandered to a scene from a famous malayalam movie…”ithu pole simple dress itta purushanmare penkuttikalkku ishtam alle…don’t they like” I looked up in the sky just for that sign from god…luckily there were no crows in Germany.
After sometime the arrival of similarly clad germans gave me much needed relief…after all I was not the only one…Inside the church the wedding went smooth…As usual I did lip-sync to german hymns…just making a feeble noise whenever the word ‘Got (God)’ came up….But I think my acting skills were good enough to make me look like a Pavarotti in a passionate stance… Well I forgot to mention the couple…They were two german malayalee sisters getting married to german guys….so it was a double wedding…and indo-german…Of amusement to many were the part of incorporating Indian traditions in the wedding…one of the brides wore a saree...there were malayalam songs….seemati saree exchange…and exchange of thali…Though I think the germans got confused coz they were more familiar with chicken thali at the Indian restaurants than wedding thali…The detailed explanation from the priest saved the day.. Outside the church we had champagne to celebrate the day… Meanwhile I met some familiar faces and made acquaintances in the meantime...
By 18:30 we were at the nearby restaurant for the reception.. The reception reminded me of a scene back home when only the well-abled gatecrashers would have meal in the first rounds after the wedding…People usually have to prepare days in advance for it…Its funny to see peoples faces during the mad rush…torn between voices saying…”maintain decorum maintain decorum” and the rest saying...”food…food...go grab it idiot”…It’s a internal emotional struggle in which people finally succumb to the food…Well here the weddings usually are very small...often the invites don’t number more than 2 dozens….And the great part is there is already a seat in your name at the hall….So its like you already have advanced booking...
There were customary toasts from the grooms…which were so funny coz i noticed everyone was laughing and then the wine started flowing….and soon then the food was ready to be served….Classic Indian fare….and though less spicy it was really nice…fried rice..chicken..beef..noodles...
By 10:30 I had enough food and wine that germans around me nodded in agreement saying…you are one of us now… It was a lifelong ambition to meet german consumption standards… In the meantime I even met a malayalee who had come down for the wedding from US and turned out to a fella from the neighbourhood in my native….again reaffirming the age old truth that all mallus know each other… Pleasant to observe was that there was no Indian “tradition” of sporting kilograms of gold or blatant display of wealth…Everyone were really having a good time…
And then the DJ started playing music….And the couple started dancing ball room style…I was seeing something like that for the first time in my life and the last time I saw a dance was ‘appadi podu kandale’ during a college skit…I noticed that this kind of dance is slightly different…The dancing made all the german couple come out to savor the moment…even arthritis ridden german appachen’s and ammachis started swaying to the music…The Appachen’s danced with bride as well...Though it was funny to see one 7 foot 300 pounder dancing with the poor bride holding her as if she was like a loose thread…just picture yourself dancing with the great Khali!!! Nevertheless I never dared shaking a leg with the crowd considering the serious embarrassment it could cause to our nation and the bigger picture of indo-german bilateral relations.
Oh and btw all along people were consuming copious quantities of liquor…there was a small bar which was set up outside…And it was a chance for me to express my solidarity with Cuba Libre and deep appreciation for white Russians....By midnight the wedding cake was cut…and surprisingly I had enough space in my stomach for a huge chunk of marzipan cake…mighty proud of you my boy!! (a small pat to my tummy)
And around 1:00 am there was the bouquet throwing ceremony…there was a almost a stampede of deutsche Frau’s to catch em...and the music continued….sometimes with small breaks for some video slides of old times...or little games…..At 3:30 am…everyone are out in the open to mark the closing ceremony…they light some kind of hot air balloon and the couple sends them up in the sky…Quite a treat to watch them..
At 4:00 am…I met the couple and gave them advice on how to live further…
Johannes…you shall not drink if your wife objects…
Daniel..*hush*....Tell Johannes the beer is behind the car.....
I think I was very statesmanlike and the couple looked upto me for valuable advice on things in general...like how to lead a noble life...and like that.....At 4:30 am I was on my way home in the metro…The train passes through Reeperbahn…one of the famous red light areas in Europe…and there was a flood of late partying folks entering the train…some clothed partially due to scarcity of clothes in german party scene …most of them had lot of metal parts protruding on their faces….nose rings...ear rings…great hair styles...Mohawks…and outlandish costumes....leather stirrups...
And I was there, the only soul in that coach…neatly combed, wearing a full sleeve shirt neatly tucked to the trouser and sporting polished shoes…you know how it feels to be dressed like that in a coach full of drunk hippies!!;-D
*wedding
15 years ago
